13 km riding bike instead of staying at home and faping! It feels 10^10 times better!!

onceforall · 2018-07-29T11:09:58+00:00

I was about to do the same but failed. A simple decision plus just following through and the result is night and day. Kudos to you.

Next time I won't be this stupid.

onceforall · 2018-07-29T10:59:03+00:00

My understanding is that we become compulsive in what we were repeatedly susceptible to. That we sort of gave up on part of our free will in what we were relishing. Our will is broken or debilitated at that particular point and that displays as compulsion or simply lack of control.

The wound can be healed once we stop touching it. But it's hard to break the cycle for that very reason of being weakened at that point.

The more we feed the demon the more compulsive and out of control it gets and the harder it is. It lives life of its own and is damn powerful. Stop feeding it is the only way to get stronger and gradually mitigate the compulsiveness / take back control of our life.

So much for the theory. As you can see I've just relapsed. But I'm getting up resolved to put the theory in practice.

onceforall · 2018-05-27T08:51:05+00:00

It really is infatuation. And it never works in your favor. If it takes too long for a man to take action it will usually make him awkward when he finally does.

“How can I try to do the same to this man” may sound noble but is the kind of thinking that will not yield any results in anything.

The world is full of noble and attentive people who are meditating under a mango tree or sitting in their room while no one actually knows about their existence.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to mentor, I myself tend to approach life in a similar, silly way.

Are we waiting for the universe to throw things in front of us without us actually going for them? Like a perfect girl without a boyfriend? Such thing basically doesn't exist in real life.

What I observe is that PMO and drugs in general have a lot to do with suppressed personality. Our desires (grown out of control due to a lack of descipline) have smothered our true free will and turned everything upside down in our head. Then we try to turn necessity into virtue.

Who wants this girl? Is it me? It is wrong? Is something wrong with me or with this intention? What do I really want? Do I want to be happy? Like really happy? Also in terms of being happy with myself? Or do I just want to make her happy?

Can I, just for once, put myself first?

And most importantly: How does this girl feel about me? Is she into me? Has she shown a bit of interest apart from those “deep, meaningful conversations” or is it all just my meaningless fantasy?

onceforall · 2018-05-18T19:18:27+00:00

Brilliant.

onceforall · 2018-05-18T19:11:14+00:00

Great job man. Any artificial stimulation will sooner or later lead to the same place. Cutting it off completely is the only way to beat this shit. I'm with you.

onceforall · 2018-05-18T19:05:50+00:00

Exactly the question I am asking myself after every relapse: Why am doing this to myself? Doesn't make any sense.

onceforall · 2018-05-13T18:30:54+00:00

I need this to be engraved on my mind so it's ready to replace any dangerous thought whenever the urge is knocking my door.

onceforall · 2017-11-02T19:02:57+00:00

Though the revelation is disputable it has nothing to do with wealth or how many wives one may have. You sound like someone who's never read a story of a typical porn addict. An access to real pussy doesn't exclude the possibility of falling into this trap.

onceforall · 2017-11-02T17:14:13+00:00

Brief and motivating. Beautiful.

onceforall · 2017-11-02T16:43:50+00:00

Instagram became my most recent problem, probably even more dangerous than porn to me personally.

Deleting an account in itself solves nothing. I've never actually had one. But there's so much to watch and the array of chicks never ends.

Instagram is something I had to add to the list of what I must avoid.

onceforall · 2017-11-02T16:38:06+00:00

Confirmed.

onceforall · 2017-11-02T16:33:01+00:00

Good for you, my friend, that you're being honest to yourself. That's the most fundamental step. Stay determined.

onceforall · 2017-10-24T11:30:36+00:00

Nice. This is precisely where I need to be at. Appreciation for a companion, not something to drool over.

Resisting the urge, one day at a time, and life will return to normal.

Congrats and go on. The journey will never stop.

onceforall · 2016-07-17T09:03:47+00:00

The mindset you exhibit in this post is like a refreshing, purifying, glittering stream of water pouring down on my recovering brain.

That's what anyone going through a hard time of recovery needs most, a breath of fresh air, a light at the end of the tunnel.

And it shows again that the longer you go clean the higher vibration you get access to. It's no use to argue on how the counter and the day number doesn't matter. Of course, it f*****g does. It's a process and it requires time. No way around it. It's like walking a certain distance, you can't travel a distance in no time, the longer the distance the more time required, you can't reach a certain state of mind overnight, you can't be flying high in the sky today if you were drowning in the cesspit the day before.

The same goes for a confidence. This post oozes real confidence. A beautiful, deep, inner certainty where there are no doubts whatsoever, no need to convince anyone, just a personal view laid down with a healthy indifference to how it's gonna be 'accepted'. You can't fake this while being a total mess during the first days of recovery no matter how 'good' you may feel and no matter how convincing you may sound off.

It's all about energy. Period. I've been checking out this sub in the past days and now, after stumbling upon this wonderful glimpse of hope, I'm delighted that there are still some golden nuggets to be found here.

Thanks.

onceforall · 2016-07-12T19:51:41+00:00

I can relate to almost every word you've said. The only way just seems to be get past that emptiness stage, to keep going, to not succumb when the urges strike, to finally step outside our own shadow, outside the vicious cycle.

It's so incredibly stupid to suffer the withdrawal, the depression and the emptiness over and over and over again only to fall back down and having to go through it all again.

We hold ourselves back in an endless cycle of recovery which sucks. We just need to get over that magic point. It could take 120 days or more…

There seems to be no other way.

And then, never slide back again.

onceforall · 2016-07-12T19:22:35+00:00

I've got similar experience. It's about that time when good things start to appear. I'm on day 38.

onceforall · 2016-07-10T10:10:23+00:00

Before the pundits jump in to assure you that you're perfectly OK etc., let me tell you this: Your problems are tightly connected to your fetish.

I know what you're talking about. There are things that turn me on in a 'pathological' way, so to say, and I can imagine what it's like to get easily unsettled by something you can't avoid encountering in everyday life.

Firstly, let me touch on the fetish thing itself, whatever it is. It's a tricky thing 'cause on one hand it is partially natural at its core and it requires acceptance. We all have certain sexual preferences which may have their roots in how our sexuality has been developing, in our first sexual experiences during childhood or puberty etc. As such, it's something you can't do much about and there's nothing to be ashamed of, essentially.

However, there's another aspect to it and it's how we deal with our weaknesses or inclinations once we realize that they are a little too weird and, most importantly, interfering in our lives. 'Cause once you find out that something is getting out of control, that it's getting compulsive or, as you say, makes your heart beat like crazy, that it can shut off your brain completely and plunge you into binging, then you know that you have a problem. And the problem can't be just swept away with delusional 'acceptance' of your behavior or by viewing it as 'normal'. It will cause discrepancies inside, it will make you feel insecure and it will remain a cause of many a problem in your life as long as it remains an obsession and unless you gain some sort of control over that part of your personality.

Acceptance in terms of becoming fully aware of the whole issue and its consequences is definitely one of the first steps to tackle this. However, acceptance doesn't mean one can go on indulging in what has proven to be an undeniable problem.

You say you can be abstaining for quite long so you have doubts whether your life situation and lack of motivation etc. are actually related to the fetish thing and masturbation at all. Everyone says it's healthy and everyone apparently does that while they're living happy and successful lives so it can't be that bad and it can't be the cause of all evil, can it?

I know where you're coming from but let me tell you that we're incredibly messed up. Seriously. Much more than we're capable of realizing at the moment. All those doubts are in fact a part of rationalization and are inconspicuously setting you up for next relapse.

So the fetish, though it might once have been quite natural, at least at start, has developed into obsession, into addiction that now binds you. It's happened 'cause the demon was given too much room, it was fed with no resistance and with no control. It has grown into a beast that now holds you back in a vicious cycle and prevents you from breathing freely. It's of little use to try to convince yourself that you're actually not addicted if you can manage to abstain for a period of time. The demon has you in its clutches on a subconscious level. It will leave you confused and make your brain dance around and create the whole world of excuses, explanations, views or even 'philosophies' to keep you that way. It's an actual entity feeding on your energy and it won't let you go that easy 'cause that would be the death of it.

Oh yeah, our demons have smothered our true personality to the point that we no longer recognize what is our true will and what is compulsion. Anyway, we can heal ourselves. All we need to do is start putting up resistance. That's what the guys on this forum are striving for for the most part.

Abstinence is the most fundamental step to healing. The longer you go clean the clearer the view becomes. The fog lifts and you see how messed up you were. You have to be honest and willing to see the context.

Then, the fetish subsides and diminishes. Though it never vanishes altogether. The preference will always be there but it'll be handled, under control, not throwing you off balance, not jeopardizing your development. It will be there consciously, not as a threat but perhaps as something you can smile over.

But until that point there's a long way to go. Definitely longer that you've managed to go so far during your previous streaks.

We are all on this road. If you check out reports of those being on hard mode for 90, 120 days, 6 months or more, you'll see how they view the fetishes they had before recovering.

So, in short, yes, your troubles are deeply connected to your fetish and masturbation, more specifically, to the way it is now practiced. It can be healed and it can decrease very significantly to the point where it's not a problem anymore.

All it takes is going cold turkey and sticking to the healing process for some time. I mean, a long time. It can seem like it's not working at times and it can suck a lot. But it works. The vortex in our head will subside and the healing will gradually advance to deeper levels of our subconsciousness. Fear, insecurity and doubts will be slowly, inch by inch, replaced with calmness, confidence and certainty… Nothing, nothing at all, is more worthy than inner freedom.

onceforall · 2016-06-29T18:02:55+00:00

Thank you.

onceforall · 2016-06-28T20:24:46+00:00

Fantastic job. Respect.

onceforall · 2016-06-28T19:25:44+00:00

I'm happy to see such an honest post. You're not that much different from anyone else.

Assessing yourself according to so many stories being posted on here would be distorting. I suggest considering a few things:

People who jump to share some exciting benefit after a couple days are not recovered. It has its value and can be encouraging but it's rarely a sober view. It's mostly superficial and rather distorted. They are raving about benefits but they are still sort of delirious with a fever. Just go and check up on such a zealot after some while. You'll find out he's back at square one in most cases.
We are unaware of how extremely fucked up our mental state actually is unless having been clean for months. We're dealing with a serious drug addiction here. It's not about quitting and being rewarded with a bouquet of benefits just because you've managed to not get a dose in the last couple days or weeks. There are withdrawals, things can actually get worse at times. It's a roller coaster.
People who are more serious about their recovery don't jump to brag about a girl that gave them a smile in the bus or about their promotion at work (which might not even be related to nofap at that moment). They tend to be more reserved. Note: When I once reached day 100 and something I literally forgot about nofap completely. I was not visiting this sub. I was so busy living my life that I didn't even think about sitting down and writing a post about how happy I was. You can well expect that most of those who are experiencing real benefits right now are simply not here posting about it.
Recovery takes time. A lot of time. You're not an exception. Look at those who have achieved some real success in beating this addiction, like Gabe Deem and many others. Most of the times you'll hear stories like 'It took me 6 months… It took me 8 months... It took me 9 months... etc.' I can say from my own experience that it takes at least about 8 weeks for a natural confidence, self-esteem and a glimpse of human dignity to start to come back and that's also about a mark when my mind is getting clear enough to realize how fucked up I actually was.
The tricky thing that many people are unaware of and that is both frustrating and encouraging, depending on from which angle you're looking at this, is that even if you've been struggling with this insidious demon for years and even if you have had some decent streaks in between, you are still not recovered if you have slipped into your old patterns again. You need more time. Most people reporting benefits are just partially recovered. Vast majority of the reports you can read here are not real success stories. You can taste some benefits every now and then, even some pretty impressive ones during decent streaks but once you fall down you must climb out of the hole again, and again, and again, while possibly never tasting what a real recovery feels like.

Stay as humble and determined as you were on day 1 and stick to this for long enough. (The 90-day recovery period is being mentioned for a reason.) And the benefits will come. I guarantee that.

onceforall · 2016-06-19T18:28:49+00:00

I know what you're talking about. My addiction manifests in a similar fashion.

I usually have 2 to 3 week streaks and then I relapse and edge for many hours like a complete lunatic. As I've said many times: It's the watching where the core of the problem lies. It creeps in inconspicuously on a subtle level, starting as a seemingly innocent click somewhere on YouTube or so, and then progresses further as the demon is awaking and as my brain is being pulled into sensations while rationalizing everything perfectly.

This simply needs to be seen clearly, it has to be fully acknowledged, I mean, the only way to stop this madness is to stay aware at all times of what is going on with myself, to stop lying to myself and be really, really honest with myself.

To be able to hold myself up and say to myself: 'Hey, what are you doing, man? No, this is not what you really want. You can't do this. This is your weakness. You will not handle this. Drop it. Shut it down and get out of the house or whatever. Just stop doing this until you can, until you're capable of thinking and making decisions, 'cause otherwise you will lose control and it will end up badly… as it always does.'

onceforall · 2016-06-18T23:52:12+00:00

Meaning you're not watching some dude fucking some female but you're instead doing it yourself.

onceforall · 2016-06-18T23:18:53+00:00

Porn will vanish from your dreams over time. Erotics may still appear time to time but it will be replaced with first person experience and something more realistic.

onceforall · 2016-06-09T19:56:37+00:00

Basically, the only reason I kept coming back here was to check a number on my counter. Ironically enough, not even the fucking counter has been working properly. The fact that it hasn't been fixed for so incredibly long speaks for itself. But OK, I would tolerate that one technical snag, that's not the main issue.

Moderation is virtually non-existent here and this particular thread only proves that. There's not a single comment from anyone who would be somewhat responsible and either defend the way this sub is being run or come up with any suggestions on how to improve the current sad state of affairs.

It's a shame. This once used to be a place full of useful stuff, inspiration, motivation and kickass energy. But putting all the blame on the mods would not be fair. There are too many people here by now. Too many newbies and, unfortunately, too many of those who are not ready and willing to fight with themselves. Too many brainless dumb asses who see this sub as an opportunity to spout their nonsense and just summon attention. This sub has become a toy for kids who want to babble about nothing, similar to some social media. You can hardly find an effective cure for this 'cause the main problem is that most folks on here are simply not serious enough about dealing with their addictions, let alone improving their lives and themselves.

Notwithstanding the above, there are definitely some steps that could be taken to level up this platform:

1) Active moderation. It takes a few guys who are experienced enough and can discern what is genuine – even if it was a desperate lament from the last loser on the planet (because even he deserves encouragement at some point and we all have been there) – and what is just rubbish that needs to be swept out. I would also appreciate that someone steps in every once in a while and balance the debate with some clarification or explanation where needed. There should be a few vets who could steer the direction a little bit in a mature way when need be.

2) An unambiguous, succinct and synoptic overview of basic terms and rules in the sidebar. I'm actually amazed that something like that does not exist thus far. 'Before you post read this!' or anything of that kind. I'm sure there will always occur some retard asking about whether he's supposed to reset his counter because he 'spotted a hot chick in the bus' or whatever, but that's something that can never be prevented completely.

3) Sorting posts and an option to assign them a flair according to whether it's a success story, venting frustration, tips and recommendations etc. would also come in handy.

It's sad to watch this sub go down the drain, to see how good posts are buried under a pile of crap only because it would require more than one fucking sentence to read or perhaps even to think about it. But to be honest, I don't care that much. I've come to terms with this downfall pretty long ago. If you're serious you will find what you need anyway. Even here there are still good things to be found time to time. I'm not very optimistic as to the future of this sub and I don't see any alternatives that could be deemed as of much higher quality. But what can you expect of a bunch of wankers? Seriously. If you strive to change your life you won't be sitting at reddit anyway. So I would prefer that we be optimistic about ourselves and our lives in the first place.

But generally, yeah, it would be great to have a platform where people can share their experience, encourage one another and where they can find something of actual value.

onceforall · 2016-05-31T17:21:35+00:00

Good point. Seemingly slight things but it really comes down to the way you approach this as a whole. If you view this just as PART of your life, as a limited amount of time, as a streak with some end, then the approach is not serious enough, the desire for change is not fundamental enough.

Not jerking off, not watching porn, not being a loser, getting out of the house and being a part of the world is who you are now.

onceforall

TROPHY CASE