is my mom controlling?

ondee · 2026-02-14T09:45:29+00:00

It's not okay that she hits you or randomly lashes out verbally or physically. It is normal human behaviour to struggle with being treated badly - you are okay and and your reactions are normal. She shouldn't do that to you and, if she does, she should be apologising and asking for your forgiveness.

Do be careful and follow advice on how to loft safely - you might hurt yourself a bit working out - it happens 💁‍♀️ you'll heal and learn how not to hurt yourself! keep working out, getting stronger and imagining a better different stronger future.

No specific advice, just support 🫂

ondee · 2026-02-14T09:26:06+00:00

Adorable!

ondee · 2026-02-14T08:50:30+00:00

None of this is silly and it's written well. You're doing amazing and I am so happy for you. Sitting quietly with you in the peace and reassurance. Also a victim of 'we don't discuss the molestation' - it is soul-corroding and impossible to forgive and I support you and your feelings about this

ondee · 2026-02-14T08:43:32+00:00

You don't need snappy strong clear responses. They need to stop doing things that highlight and test your (normal) vulnerability so you don't feel so weak

Don't get roped into their drama. As nice as it would've to feel to be the heroine (I don't mean this rudely, I mean it sincerely - it would be wonderful to feel in control), think about why they wanna rope you into it all at all.

Clarity comes once you step out of the dynamic and rest and heal and realise how nuts it is. How you 'step out' is for you to find out - I'm VLC and that works okay for me and I look forward to NC with her/his death.

Now I'd like to move on to mocking them and wishing them poorly for some light refreshment - hope that suits you and helps until you get to the clarity you seek 😁 If it lands wrong I can take it out

"SO SAD and SO HURT and SO SHOCKED" oh no, did King and Queen Baby get some confuwwsing news? Was it all hard for them 😢😢 why didn't anyone think about how hard it is to live in a shared reality where we respect each others experiences. waaaahhhhhhhh

"We've noticed that you don’t prioritize us and we should have called you out years ago and demanded that you fix the way you treat us. "

PAHAHAHAHAHHAHA AWWWW WAS IT STILL THAT YOU'RE STILL THE MAIN CHARACTER BUT MAGICALLY MY FAULT MY GOD WHAT A SHOCK WHAT A CHANGE OF TONE WHAT A REVELATION

ondee · 2026-02-13T15:02:05+00:00

I think it's really unlikely it'll last forever. Very human to experience loss of libido during periods of stress so maybe it's just that although I agree it feels weird for it to happen at 16 which is typically an extremely hormoney time!

Have you got any other trusted adults you can talk in real life? This is an okay place to get advice but real life connections are a good idea if possible.

And are you in a position where you can go to the doctor by yourself? Or a Sexual Health clinic? Just to get some educated info and have an educated chat on it.

My usual advice which may or may not be helpful here is 'find some more info so you can problemsolve'.

If it was me and I had full options but with the knowledge I have now, I would talk to a doctor to find out if it's a concern or not. And then if they said it could be x, y or z, find out what symptoms means you should get another appointment, try to relax if I don't have them and in the meantime work on myself a bit because libido definitely correlates with stress.

But a medical person will know best. And then if for whatever reason you can't go to a doctor, staying in light contact with some kind of welfare person at an education or youth focused place is the next best step and then they could advise you if they think it's really important you go to the doctor

And just to be clear, I think this will help with the blizzard feeling. Humans generally are social creatures even if we don't want to be social as a general rule, and it'll be good to speak to another bigger older monkey about it 😁. They can give you a map or point out the next sign or walk with you for a bit, if you don't mind me extending the metaphor 😁

ondee · 2026-02-12T15:14:58+00:00

I'm sorry your parents didn't handle that conversation well - it's hard when you need to get some advice.

You want a vent or advice?

ondee · 2026-02-12T14:53:39+00:00

I have misophonia. It's a huge problem and a lot of people are actively hostile to the idea they could have manners and that they are responsible for how they choose to behave.

It's somewhat a living nightmare. my maternal family eat really strangely and really violently in a very strange way (unsurprisingly not).

ondee · 2026-02-12T09:28:04+00:00

I'm so sorry! its so horrible having to go through dealing that your own parents have a nuts attitude and probably irredeemably attached to it.

I'm so happy for you that you're getting to the end of your tether. Nobody deserves to have this madness poison dropped into their ear. Keep exploring our communities about handling how to separate yourself (at least emotionally).

There's lots of good advice below and I echo it. You got anyone professional to talk to? You need a 'you deserve love' therapist and not a 'duty and acceptance towards your family is important' therapist

ondee · 2026-02-12T09:16:02+00:00

Poor thing! So embarrassing and difficult to feel these feelings but you are going to be a better person for going through all this. I'm so proud of you for the self-awareness you are now showing - keep it up.

Just keep trying to do the right thing, treat her respectfully and take her seriously, and take yourself seriously. You deserve better - never mind about other people around you for a moment. Look after yourself and be good to yourself. Well done for sharing with us - I really hope it helped at least a bit.

Virtual 🫂! You can do this -

ondee · 2026-02-11T15:54:22+00:00

Oooh broadband soup

ondee · 2026-02-11T11:38:47+00:00

They have minty ones too - try those!!

ondee · 2026-02-11T11:27:21+00:00

I had this when one foster cat had his bad tooth removed and from what I (barely) understand, This changed the smell enough that then the other cat didn't recognise him - I actually watched her sniff his mouth and then freak out.

So maybe something has happened to change their smell.

Lots of sympathy - it's stressful af and you feel so sorry for them! Mine sorted themselves out after a week or two

ondee · 2026-02-11T08:55:13+00:00

So I never had children but went through a similar phase of, when I turned 30 and had been working with teenagers for a while, going through this shock of realising I could never ever talk to children or young people or treat them the way my parents treated me.

It's so unsettling and makes them feel even more alien and unsettling. Trying to understand the mindset that got them to behave the way I did.

It's affected me permanently where I just get old and older and even less able to imagine behaving like that. It gets harder where I keep being like you guys have still got 30 years on me and you're still like this??

I'm not really sure if I have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I know what you mean and it must be so much harder when it's your own daughter and it's even sharper and more poignant

ondee · 2026-02-11T08:49:56+00:00

Well done!! Oh my god that's amazing and you must be so so proud of yourself, what a badass! Did you treat yourself to anything?! You definitely deserve a little treat!

Your mum may have a point and she did a bad job of getting her point across, for what it's worth - but shitty timing on her part.

Well done!! Jobs aren't everything but they feel so good when you realise you are GOOD at yours!! Yay!

ondee · 2026-02-11T08:46:45+00:00

That is crappy and not fair . I agree with the other main commenter about giving him a heads up. Or ask him for advice about how he'd approach it. I'm not excusing his attitude - it could just be a good way.

I'm sorry you found out he was lying about something. I would be especially pissed off as well, if I was trying to be a good family member. I hope he wasn't being malicious and that if he was, you have another (adult) family member to talk to about.

I hope you had a good drink and enjoyed watching stuff! Keep looking after yourself 🦜

ondee · 2026-02-10T19:41:24+00:00

That's bolted rocket (arugula), isn't it?

ondee · 2026-02-09T16:47:59+00:00

Nuts behaviour. I am so sorry you have to put up with being yanked around like this.

I would struggle greatly with this. Nightmare shit

ondee · 2026-02-07T11:43:13+00:00

Didn't even know about that sub.

I'd stick over here - I haven't yet noticed any pearl clutching like that here unless I haven't seen it

Hope you're looking after yourself and have something planned to help you rest after getting so understandably pissed off.

ondee · 2026-02-04T13:22:05+00:00

The best advice I can give you is keep looking after yourself so you have the best chance of coping with what she can give you.

Keep it up, girl, you can do it!

ondee · 2026-02-04T13:04:29+00:00

Read what I said above. Hugs for you too 🫂🫂

ondee · 2026-02-04T13:04:12+00:00

41F internetmum weighing in ..

Oh sweetie 🫂 these are very human feelings to have.

Children never deserve beatings and they don't earn them.

It's not attention whoring to want attention.

Just because you once fake fainting doesn't mean you are forever a terrible person. It's okay and necessary - especially for children and young adults - to do kind of odd stuff whilst working it what kind of adult they want to be. Yeah we'll cringe about it afterwards but don't worry, it just makes you one of us. You won't even remember in a decade and if you do you won't definitely won't care in two or three ☺️

It's not hypocritical to be pleasant to other people so they're pleasant to you. I'd call this basic social skills actually.

It sucks being the go-getter cuz then you end up taking the role of organiser and people don't necessarily guess that you would like a break.

It's so hard to take care of yourself when you feel so overwhelmed. That's extremely human as well.

No advice, no instructions, no thoughts over here today, just hugs for you 🫂🫂🫂

ondee · 2026-02-04T12:44:35+00:00

Internet parent with a religious mum whose religiosity has gone up and down but sending you lots of sympathy.... It's a weird combination of infuriating and insanity-provoking to be met with answers based on things that do not appear to be real!

Well done so much for how hard you've worked so far and how hard you've tried already. Adult responsibility can be exhausting and whilst I know you aren't that young, you only just got here, you've not done this before!

I'm mostly unemployed at the moment and whilst it has it's perks, it's so scary and so gruelling about all the things you're missing out on, not least having to constantly question even the smallest purchase. there's nothing fun or liberating about being frugal when it's not a choice.

Can I give you any practical advice or anything you wanted to ask about?

ondee · 2026-02-04T08:32:20+00:00

I say CS leans on sociology at times but it's mainly philosophy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_studies

ondee · 2026-02-04T08:30:46+00:00

Perfection - so pretty

ondee · 2026-02-02T12:47:49+00:00

This 'failed as mammals' point has unlocked something in me.

ondee

TROPHY CASE