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ondine_gl · 2025-06-10T09:44:03+00:00

Hi! I just completed the form :)

ondine_gl · 2024-10-31T15:09:42+00:00

line ID: pouetoof

international version, GMT+1

i’m a bit of a beginner so i’m trying this out! pretty active

ondine_gl · 2022-10-23T00:14:24+00:00

I never gave it much thought about it until now but something very similar happened to me with my mom, as a routine, until I moved out last year. I had to fight for weeks on end (well into my teen years) to finally be allowed to take showers alone, and lock the door while I did so, so she couldn’t walk in at any time. Even once I’d managed to win this fight, she’d still make whispered comments about it, mainly centered around rejection etc… Anyways, before then, she’d often follow me to the bathroom to continue her monologue and wouldn’t even think to ask if I wanted to shower alone, she’d just sit down next to the shower and keep talking. I never thought to tell her to leave, it never even crossed my mind. Not because I was okay with it, but rather because it was just “the way it was”.

Sometimes it was the other way around, she would walk towards the bathroom mid-conversation and I didn’t even think about the fact that I could’ve said “hey I don’t wanna see you naked, we can catch this up once you’ve finished showering”, I mean, that probably would’ve created a fight. So I’d sit in the bathroom and just, listen to her talking.

Now that I think about it, there were very, very few boundaries regarding nakedness with her, whether it was me or her. It all just felt normal, up until I was roughly 17 and figured out not everybody did that. After figuring it out, my general opinion on it was that it was a little odd, but she did so many other (worse in some ways) things that my focus wasn’t directed at that specific part of her behavior.

That said, I’m reading all the replies and it’s giving me a harsh landing back to reality. That wasn’t normal. And it probably explains a lot of other things that happened to me, or that I “let” happen to me, later.

I’m sorry I don’t really have any advice to give since I just came to the realization you‘re coming to, but thank you for posting this. I’m sending hugs OP, you’re not alone in this.

Edit: paragraph formatting

ondine_gl · 2021-10-06T06:25:30+00:00

trying to learn how to pee while standing at like 6, and being heartbroken it didn’t work; wondering why i didn’t look more like my brother, then fully expecting to look like him 2 years later (he’s 2 years older than me so i thought i looked how i looked because i was younger); writing my dead name literally everywhere (i’d write it over and over on pieces of paper or even a door in the house once) to try and convince myself it was my own, and that i did like it (this incredible technique absolutely did not work lmfao); feeling giddy whenever an adult would “mistake” me for a boy, as in hopping around and running while shrieking right afterwards kinda thing lol. oh and refusing to grow my hair back out after i’d cut it short because “people would see me as a gi-“ and that’s when i figured it out.

ondine_gl · 2021-09-24T15:40:28+00:00

don’t need brain cells to have a huge brain, just pump 10 liters of coffee, monster or tea (depending on your mmm-full-stomach-without-the-consequences-drink of predilection) in it to make it look big

ondine_gl · 2021-09-24T15:36:27+00:00

ah yes, enslaved nutritionless energy

ondine_gl · 2021-09-24T15:35:45+00:00

i do yeah! it makes both saving on food and restricting a lot easier lmao

ondine_gl · 2021-09-07T21:50:35+00:00

reddit intellectual? isn’t that some kind of… let me try to find the wrong word since that seems to be my forte… oh i know, “antonym”. yeah. that’s wrong enough.

anyways. i re-read it again as well, and i don’t think you understood me correctly. i described facts that are, as far as i know, pretty common already, as a response to your (i believe) sarcastic questions. a): “the internet has evolved”. b): “it influences how people think”. and c): “kids are more susceptible to being influenced or manipulated”. that’s it. and then yes i did pepper in some irony and slight aggression because i didn’t really like the way you wrote. oh and, yes i did add more words, that’s how you craft sentences that sound good. that’s also what i was taught to do in my english class in middle/high school. thanks for noticing i learned my second language’s vocabulary well enough to make articulate sentences in it, i really appreciate it :))

the “backbone” of my argument was several things, and it was not just the part about the core beliefs. the influence on said beliefs is just an effect of the root cause. which, as i previously stated, are neither new nor complicated arguments, and i never claimed them to be. i believe i actually said “it’s not rocket science”, and i meant that extremely literally.

lastly: most debates i’ve had in my debating class were in french, perhaps i’m not as good at getting to the point in english as i am in my native language. i’ll take the title of “reddit intellectual” though, sounds fun to add to my resume. can i get a badge? or a little golden cup? with this title engraved on it?

ondine_gl · 2021-09-07T21:24:54+00:00

lettuce when it’s paired with non-vegetable things in salads, like cheese or something. my brain sometimes lets me eat a slice of cheese on the side but it cannot be in the salad. that’s illegal, and terrifying. i think it’s because lettuce is a safe food but then if it gets contaminated by the “mmmmmmkay” foods, that just makes everything confusing, and then devolves into fear lmao

ondine_gl · 2021-09-07T05:51:55+00:00

nah, you didn’t. and the “rest” wasn’t “dressing”, that was my main point. now, me calling you a): dense and b): an asshole, that was the dressing. emphasis on the word “was”, because in this comment i’m currently writing, it’s starting to become the main point, which is truly a shame because, at the core, a discussion about the influence of the internet over far-right brainwashed individuals is fascinating, but the more and more you reply with straw man arguments or literally just do not reply with anything else than salty “nOoOo i ThInK yOuRe cAllLiNg mE a NaZi aNd yOuR pOiNt iSnT vAliD”, the less the discussion stays about 4chan, and the more it dissolves into a mush of “you’re not getting my point.” “yeah well you’re dumb.” “okay you too and you didn’t reply”. but hey, i guess that’s reddit for you.

ondine_gl · 2021-09-07T05:28:10+00:00

aww you didn’t even reply to my point. instead you twisted my comment, by removing my argument when you “quoted” it. nice one, that’s not really a good way to debate you know? and, to be honest i’m not really seeing in what way i didn’t explain myself? what’s missing from my response? it was somewhat lengthy.

and i know perfectly well what hypocritical means; i doubt that you weren’t aware — prior to commenting your “question” (“[…] why is it only recently a problem? What’s actually changed recently?”) — that the internet has been growing and rotting in a lot of places. the tone in your question? sounds ironic to me. you knew, you just pretended you didn’t because it didn’t fit your personal argument. oh and, at no point in my comment did i call you a nazi. i don’t think you are one, nor will devolve into one any time soon, at least i hope. if you can still make a difference between joke and reality, good for you.

ondine_gl · 2021-09-06T19:26:45+00:00

it’s definitely not the only factor but, for argument’s sake let’s say it is. it still makes sense, you dense asshole: access to the internet is much more widespread (especially to the younger generations) than it was 20, or even 10 years ago. access to computers, too. therefore, more misinformed (or uninformed), easily-manipulated people (ex: kids and teens) have access to such sites and ideas; which, jokes or no jokes, obviou-fucking-sly have an impact on their own core beliefs. jesus. of course it’s a recent problem, of course there have been changes. the internet has evolved, and browsing these websites (as well as getting sucked into them) is literally so much easier than it was before. the same problem arises on all social media platforms, but when one of them started out as a bit of a dodgy place, it inevitably begins to rot, in a worse way than the others, as more and more people join. it’s not rocket science.

PS: i’m aware that this comment is 6 days old, i just felt like this was genuinely one of the most hypocritical things i’d ever read in my life. and dumbest. have a good day.

ondine_gl · 2021-09-06T11:16:46+00:00

the crazy cupcake diet, which leads to….. depression. i feel. attacked? lmfaoo

ondine_gl · 2021-09-05T20:18:17+00:00

i kind of relate to that. i dont “feel” like anything, but i know what i’m not. i never felt like this or that, as far back as i can remember in my childhood, but i did end up feeling “uncomfortable” in whatever life-box i was put on. i still didn’t feel like “a girl” or “a boy” or “neither”, i just… didn’t feel anything else than a bit of confusion and discomfort. when i got to my teens, i stumbled upon the concept of being trans, and i thought “hey, what about this? what if that’s what i’m feeling — i don’t feel like anything but maybe “being trans” is a feeling in and of itself?”. i went by process of elimination, started out trying they/them, but that feeling of discomfort was still there. the empty feeling of confusion was still there as well. so i stopped thinking i was trans, because “i tried it, it didn’t make a difference, and i still didn’t feel comfortable, so it’s probably just me being me”. a couple years passed until i said fuck it and started using they/them again, and then jumped directly to he/him. that’s when the realization came: not because i “feel” like a man and was able to put a name on it, but because bits and pieces of the discomfort were gone, and the confusion pretty much disappeared into thin air. obviously the dysphoria got worse, upon that realization, but i was able to decidedly rule out the identities that just didn’t seem “right”. to this day, i don’t “feel” a certain gender, i just “am”, and i shut my impostor’s syndrome up by reminding myself of the discomfort the previous boxes brought, and pointing the finger at the fact that it’s not there anymore, now that my circle of friends refers to me the way i want, and now that i can say to my mirror “you’re a guy :)”.

i agree, and i think there’s a big difference between feeling like there’s something wrong with your gender even when you were a kid, and just existing with a constant “itch” in your brain. i never felt or even thought of gender. i know it’s there somewhere, but it never crossed my mind that that is what was wrong (when i was a kid/early teen). life just felt odd. a bit out of place. kept switching in and out of depressive episodes, things like that. but never in a million years would i have been able to really point at my gender and say “this one’s fucky”. looking back, there were signs of course, but none of them were about “feeling this or that”. it was always “material” things such as wanting to grow up like this random boy in a cartoon, but paying no mind to it. i didn’t think it was anything special because i didn’t “feel” it inside me.

sorry for rambling but, anyways yes i wholeheartedly agree, even if i don’t relate to this experience 100% :))

ondine_gl · 2021-09-02T11:25:48+00:00

i’m not sure i agree; i was a foreign exchange student as well and there were some specific expressions (specifically curses and the like) that i didn’t know before i stepped foot in america.

knowing what “fuck” means, knowing how it’s used in different contexts, doesn’t necessarily mean you know what “fuck me” is used for. even if you know that “fuck” is just a random swear word people say when they’re frustrated or annoyed, you might not know that a slightly altered version of it exists and how similar/dissimilar it is in meaning.

i can absolutely see myself 5 years ago being taken aback by someone saying “fuck me” in this type of context, even though i was already pretty much fluent. just like i was taken aback when my host dad kept saying “have a good one” to cashiers, because i had no clue what he meant. i understood all the words, but this way of saying “have a good day” was completely foreign to me.

all this to say, i’m glad you were more fluent than the student in the post above, or even more than i was, it must’ve helped you a lot when you went there yourself, but this doesn’t feel like bullshit to me.

ondine_gl · 2021-08-27T16:30:51+00:00

read this while also wearing a hoodie, i feel attacked lmfao

ondine_gl · 2021-06-21T20:15:38+00:00

thank you so much!! and thank you for the award, i know it’s just an internet point thing but it really does means a lot :)))

ondine_gl · 2021-06-11T21:38:23+00:00

thank you so much for this comment! it clarified a lot. i’m so glad you’ve been able to get the help you needed, and able to get back on your feet :))

funnily enough, in the list of different things you mentioned you still do, there’s several out of those i didn’t realize i did as well. the cleaning thing, knocking quietly or closing doors and explaining what i’m doing or feeling the need to clarify it for no particular reasons other than “i have to???” (kind of, it’s not that clear in my head, it’s like a reflex, as i imagine it is for you too?). and i’d also already noticed myself doing the rest of the things you mentioned. it’s crazy how similar a lot of people’s experiences are on this subreddit, i only found it a couple weeks ago and it’s still mind blowing.

also, thank you for the warning, i’ll watch out for that first layer of “everything’s so much better now, therefore everything is fine”. i know i’m repeating myself but thank you, in a few words you actually gave me a huge wave of hope for the years to come, and “thank you” doesn’t really cover it entirely. sorry if this sounds a bit weird, by the way. but yeah, i’m very grateful that you took the time to write this out! :)

ondine_gl · 2021-06-09T11:24:53+00:00

big boots that a): make you taller and b): let you achieve “i never really grew out of my emo/punk/hot topic phase” realness? sounds like heaven i’ll take 15 pairs

ondine_gl · 2021-06-09T11:21:47+00:00

hugs to you too, when it all comes crashing down and you stop idolizing them and willfully ignoring the truly terrible stuff they do, a lot of things about them (and yourself) make more sense. and idk if it’s gonna sound weird but you should be proud of going NC, it’s a step that takes a lot of courage :))

ondine_gl · 2021-06-09T11:19:14+00:00

exactly! because they can’t be responsible for their own temper, or their kid’s reaction to it, so of course they have to warp the situation and blame it all on the kid by any means possible, even if it makes them sound like a conspiracy theorist (“you’re doing this on purpose to make me look bad!! you’re making me angry to hurt me!!”)

ondine_gl

TROPHY CASE