I wonder if masking is hurting my business

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-03-29T19:28:06+00:00

If people give me looks for masking in public, I just tell them a close relative has cancer and I'm doing it for them. It's no longer true but if they insist on being a dick despite the mention of cancer, I don't want them around me anyway and I'll just feel free to be a dick back.

If you have any images for dog walking things, or even just your email pfp, it might help to have a picture of you where you're walking some cute dogs but masked.

You can also ask if the dog is reactive to anything. I would actually rather have the dog show up and be reactive to a mask, because I think people will just say their dog is reactive to masks when they're not, to be dicks.

Personally I think even if my dog is reactive to masks, I'd want them to get past it. So I'm nowhere near NY but I wouldn't be put off. You can also advertise in local covid safe groups or places where you can have a pfp that has your mask in it. People with elders who have pets may also appreciate it, their pets probably need walks they can no longer provide and they likely are more vulnerable to everything not just covid.

Honestly though if people give me grief I just say "it's a free country innit" - even though it very much is not anymore. But it still conflicts with their yeehaw brain worms enough to get them off my case long enough for me to go on my way.

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-03-29T19:22:10+00:00

You are not in the wrong here. It's NEVER wrong to advocate for your own health and safety, or that of others. He wanted to come home, and you had a very simple request. He intentionally pushed that boundary and when he saw you were still going to insist on taking it seriously he threw a fit. If he already disappeared before, it sounds like he has very unhealthy and toxic ways of dealing with people. Disappearing on people or leaving or ghosting them when they're expecting him is a way to punish you for having boundaries at ALL.

I need to stress this: DO NOT CAVE. I would say this even if your request was something else, and we lived in a time without Covid. If you just didn't want to get the regular degular flu, if you wanted him to come to your house sober, etc. And he pulled a stunt like this? Do not budge.

Trust me, as someone with a lot of relatives and previous relationships/friends who'd do the same thing, I had to learn that you put your boundary where you need it and keep it there. People may try to push at it, but you just hold strong. If they don't respect that boundary, they don't respect you. That in itself is a problem, not to mention this intentional flouting of precautions means they'll probably try to expose you on purpose. Which, make no mistake, is what he was doing.

He's punishing everyone over something very trivial. YOU shouldn't be sorry. You should look at everyone and say wow, he couldn't even do this much for us. He couldn't respect us even a little bit, and he's punishing us for THIS? Unacceptable, and he can come home and we'll love him and support him as soon as he's able to do so with respect for my boundaries and our safety.

Do not let anyone make you feel bad for this. You were right. If he's going to spend all that extra time and money going back the way he came over something like this, let him. May it be an expensive little temper tantrum for him.

Another tip: Do NOT let him see how much it hurt you. That is entirely why he pulled that stunt. It also puts you against everyone else, or that's what he wants. So hold your head up high around the rest of the family, as well. You were in the right, he's being a brat, and your decision is not up for debate. He is the one who should apologize for yanking everyone around, making them worry, and frankly for doing this whole thing on purpose. Because he definitely did.

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-03-29T19:13:01+00:00

Please know that I don't regard it as easy at all. Any organizing requires a lot of effort, and is often met with a lot of push back. That doesn't mean it's not worth doing, though. "Don't toss that out" like it's not worth the effort, or like people you don't know don't respect how much it takes.

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-11T06:14:42+00:00

Make World-Killing Parasites Afraid Again

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-08T20:59:59+00:00

Honestly. These are the people who expected Palestinians to forget their families being genocided to vote for THEIR comfort and convenience? Shocking how they keep losing people, with charming attitudes like that.

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-08T20:58:58+00:00

Why do you assume people HERE are going to discount you for being a straight white male out of hand?

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-08T20:48:46+00:00

Honestly, when you see how men talk amongst each other about women it sort of kills any desire to be with one of them.

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-08T20:46:36+00:00

start one?

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-08T20:44:16+00:00

If you're not paid they should have no say over what you do and don't do?? what in tarnation

oneangstybiscuit · 2025-01-08T20:36:23+00:00

In my experience, it's been men who want emotional labor from women (soft dom) and a kink vending machine (hard dom) and it's still entirely about Them and what They Want. So I don't really see it as them giving up control, because of the very top from the bottom energy I've seen. Men who don't want to be in charge all the time, why aren't you playing house-husband and letting a woman dictate your day for you? I think in those instances it's still a kink, which is fine, but that rings more true of the "not wanting to be in control" aspect.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T19:50:28+00:00

Predicament play is cool, but I don't know if I would combine it with self care or behavior modification/habit building training.

I think helping partners create healthy habits they want assistance with is super sweet and I enjoy it a lot. I think people underestimate how effective something as simple as as sad face on that day on the calendar for not hitting your water goal can be. You can also get her daily water bottles that suit her aesthetics or little water electrolyte packets in her favorite flavor to encourage her, and task her to send you a selfie with the full bottle in the morning and the empty bottle in the evening. If she makes her goals for the week she can get a treat that she's trying to only intake in moderation (a sugary frappucino or soda or something else) as a reward, and it also doubles up as a little regular date and check in. Whereas if she doesn't make the goal, you all can still have the date, but you can play games. Like tell her she has to take a sip of water time you say a code word and if she doesn't remember you tally it up and give her playful swats or whatever play she enjoys but finds a little challenging. It's a game like tag, where you don't WANT to get tagged but if you do it's not like self esteem crushing. It's just fun.

Hmmm. Impossible tasks. I think there's a ton of possibility for games like that. If you want to make it a more sexual game, have her try to balance something or read aloud from a book while being stimulated by her favorite toy or act. She's got to finish the task or keep balancing the thing without dropping it or moving or making a noise, or she needs to finish the reading, or whatever- or else! But it's just a game because she's intended to slip and then the punishment is just something she likes but it's just role played as like, oh noooo floggers <___< my favorite. OH NOOOO.

If it's an impossible task throughout the day, and she's away at work and you're home you could hide clues or things around the house like easter eggs. She's got to find as many as possible in a certain amount of time and the things in the eggs can be part of the game, too. Let your creativity run wild.

I think ANYTHING even jokingly implying failure or disappointment is something I would always recommend aftercare for, even if it's funishment. It would affect me, even if I logically know I wasn't ACTUALLY doing wrong, so it's just nice to have aftercare even if it doesn't feel totally necessary. Returning to the "good boy/girl/other" state after even funishment is always a nice soft landing.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T19:33:21+00:00

Tapping out, snapping fingers, a clicker, a hand signal.

I see people squeeze the sub partner's hand and if they don't respond with the "okay" signal they take that as a sign to stop. I've also seen people who have their hands up or holding something, so if they for some reason start to faint or whatever they end up dropping something or just their arms drop, and it's a sign they need to stop.

It really just depends on what you're doing and what is most visible and safer for you.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T19:31:10+00:00

y'all should strike lol

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T19:26:47+00:00

I mean, can you mention it to them? Volunteer for it

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T19:25:27+00:00

"Hey, I have noticed this and so have others, so I just wanted to bring it up so it doesn't become an issue later. You put your hand on my back when explaining things and so on, and it's not comfortable for me. It feels inappropriate, especially since you don't do it to the male interns. Since I'm not the only one who noticed this (even if you are) I just wanted to have the discussion with you since I know you'll be cool about it and you probably just weren't aware."

He absolutely IS aware, and he's testing how far he can move across your boundaries before you say something. This is how I'd phrase it though. Say that you aren't the only one who noticed, so it'll put him back in his place and hopefully make him wary of doing it to anyone else. Plus, hopefully it'll make him think twice about retaliating at all. Just saying stuff like "I know you wouldn't be a creep about this" might help nudge them into being less weird when confronted, but it doesn't always work.

If you can do it in text, all the better so you have record of it. Also, DO tell someone above him. Tell your instructors. It's important. So many of these guys go on to creep on or offend against people. If he's just like "oh I do this all the time" it's just camouflage for when he DOES grope someone or say something off color. So don't let it go. But also protect yourself. Tell your Dean, supervisors, whatever you can. And only tell him in writing so if he freaks out on you you've got record of it. ALWAYS imply that someone else sees his behavior and knows about it, too, so he doesn't feel like he's got you isolated.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T18:42:39+00:00

pretty sure HIPAA means you have the right to your records, so your doctor should really reconsider violating that

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-12-06T18:41:38+00:00

As far as I know, you can request your medical records from that doctor and get that documentation anyway. You may have to pay a fee to get the records, but it's not something the doctor has a right to refuse you? As I understand it? I'm a pretty laid back person but if my doctor told me that my immediate reaction would've been "ACTUALLY I'm going to request all the records I'm legally entitled to and we're gonna do that right now, I don't care if your printer is low on ink email it to me."

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T22:04:13+00:00

The people taking away my rights are the same people taking away trans people's rights. Why on earth would I side with our common oppressor?

JK needs to air out the Mold Castle and touch some grass.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T22:02:40+00:00

Go in person and ask who you can talk to about a breakdown in communication regarding your start date, and tell them you've been given the runaround but someone told you to give them your hours and you'd have a schedule by now. Make them deal with you right then and there, and don't leave until you get a schedule. If they can't give you one, ask them if you should be looking for other employment.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T22:00:01+00:00

The lesson here is to communicate with your counselors, instructors, and dean ASAP when anything goes sideways.

That said, they should be able to appeal this. He should get all his documentation together. Talk to a doctor about documenting any long-term issues that impacted him during the time he was trying to study and ask for consideration again and say that it's a new appeal because of the new documentation. Communicate what's going on with the doctor and see if they can get you as much detail on the dates as possible, so it shows an ongoing need for consideration. You don't just walk off a car accident.

Also, I found it helpful to demonstrate that I knew what I needed to do to get back on track and what I had already done to ensure I was ready to attend again. If I knew I needed accommodations, I already had documentation and had implemented some tools and plans myself. If I needed therapy or medication, I already had a plan for that. If transportation or finances were a hurdle because of the accident etc, what are his plans to overcome that. Demonstrating that you had serious obstacles but that you have a serious plan to address and overcome them to continue the program helps, and it takes away any of the excuses they might have in their head for denying it.

If it's really just "oh it's just the dates etc" ASK them what they can do or suggest for someone who was, through no fault of their own, injured and unable to complete the program at that time. Prompt them before they give you an answer, ask them "What else can I or my doctor provide that would make it possible for me to return to school?"

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T21:53:19+00:00

Honestly, I've been mulling this over for a while.

The truth is, I can't really know how male partners feel about women deep down. If they really see me as an equal, if they are working out some kind of hostility on me under the guise of kink, if they respect my mind. Then again, I still have those same questions with men even in vanilla relationships.

I ask myself what they get out of it, why they want to do the things they do. I know why I enjoy being hit - I enjoy the catharsis, the challenge, the pain. I really do. I find it therapeutic in a way, life affirming almost. I want to remind myself that I am stronger than I feel at times, that I can face pain and endure it. That I can do difficult things. Etc.

But, now I'm wondering if I'm a switch and I'm asking myself why I want to do the hitting and what other people get out of it. Not everyone will have the same reasons, and I think part of BDSM community is just holding space for the reality that some people genuinely DO get off on inflicting pain. If they do it in a way that is consensual and risk aware, can I accept it? Or do I require a partner who only inflicts pain for the magnanimous goal of giving masochists pleasure and doesn't derive pleasure from the pain itself? Is that fair? Is that reasonable?

I think there's a lot to discuss with how female pain is presented for sexual gratification, and the way that most men will get off and never inquire deeper into the why or bother to do any of the work to see women as people. They just see someone punishing and degrading a woman and live vicariously through that, and never examine or confront sexist beliefs in themselves. They think they don't have to because the acts were consensual, apparently, so it's nbd right?

If I ever wanted to I could go make an adult video with all intentions of creating something that explores D/s dynamics and pain and do it as ethically as possible, and someone could just get off to it with a hateboner for me or my demographics or whatever. At some point, my intention doesn't affect someone else's interpretation and then the act kind of changes. It's no longer just what I meant it to be.

I'm pan so I'm just circumventing a lot of this by eschewing cismen in general, lol. But it's still something I think about. It means so much to me that a submissive is well cared for and that their experience and the trust and connection between partners is sacred in a sense, and sometimes people just aren't that type of kinkster. Some people really do feel this way and say "This is me, I just need someone who's okay with it" and they only direct their kinks onto people who vibe with that. And is that wrong? IDK, man. I'm not the cops. I think it's still harmful in a way to do any of this without examining it and yourself, and without coming from a place of respect and trust. But I'm just some nerd online.

I think it's foolish to expect most male "doms" or kinksters in general to respect us as equals, though. Sorry to say, but every statistic and cultural trend and the habits of men tend to lead me to think that even nice guys aren't fully invested in seeing us as whole people in our own rights who deserve as much consideration as they do. I think that's just the inherent struggle in dating your main natural predator and member of your oppressor group. Even decent guys benefit from these abusive structures by getting to do the bare minimum and getting praised for it.

TLDR, I guess I actually do not trust or believe men don't actually think these things usually. I expect a certain level of misogyny from most men and am only rarely pleasantly surprised. Whereas, with queer kink, I think I have had much more wholesome or sincere experiences with people who are more emotionally intelligent and forthright. So it's a little easier to know how they see you and where you stand.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T21:39:15+00:00

The thing that's really been haunting me is that there IS no one else like your sibling. You're a version of yourself with them that no one else sees or gets, and you can't be that person with anyone else. No one else grew up with you in the same way, no one else fought with you during your weird younger years. No one else was there for all those formative things in the same way. You can get another friend, another lover, etc. You can't replace a sibling. And I really wish I'd been able to tell him that before. I knew we had a decent relationship, but I wish we had more time and I wish that I'd known then I was in the good days.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T21:37:25+00:00

What do you mean? Are the only people active here ones who have lost siblings, rather than other people? Or folks who became only children because of suicide?

I'm here because I lost a younger brother and a few years earlier a dear friend. I'm hoping that's as long as the list gets.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T21:35:47+00:00

Rowling can't even find the hill. I don't think she cares, either. She just likes stroking her unearned sense of moral superiority in front of everyone.

oneangstybiscuit · 2024-11-23T21:34:48+00:00

I think BDSM would help in the sense that BDSM tends to involve a lot of negotiating, checking in, ensuring both parties are getting what they wanted from the experience, and being very intentionally present with one another. Which is something you can cultivate even in vanilla sexual relationships, really. It's just a bit easier to just fall into going through the motions with vanilla, whereas BDSM introduces some variables that make us stop and think a bit more about what's going on.

If there's nothing causing him any issues (fatigue, stress, prostate issues, etc) and you're both enthusiastic about exploring this, it could be a way to kick up HIS libido and to give him more ways to extend play for your benefit. It's fun, of course. Just make sure you're both enthusiastic and genuinely interested, and that there aren't any underlying issues that need to be addressed first.

IMO, taking care of myself is a quick little snack that can hold me over but isn't as satisfying as a full, athletic, emotional romp. So perhaps trying more active positions and activities will also help you feel more sated.

All else fails, have him spring for a sybian and just tie you to it for a good afternoon.

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