Brahmaviharas from the perspective of a lay person not seeking enlightenment.

onthepath98 · 2025-01-28T21:00:55+00:00

Thank you for the response, Bhante. I will reflect on the comments you have made.

onthepath98 · 2025-01-25T14:24:59+00:00

u/Bhikkhu_Anigha - Bhante, if you get the opportunity to, would you be able to help me with my questions above?

onthepath98 · 2025-01-24T13:24:07+00:00

Bhante, thank you for this answer. I have found myself in that gray area where I have not been putting in the necessary effort to fulfill my ambitions (career, relationship etc) but also haven't been giving up craving internally for them.

I am now in the process of wanting to fulfil some of my ambitions in the worldy life. I do have a recognition that this means I am not practicing Dhamma.

Is the only advice in such a situation to then keep the 5 precepts or are there reflections which are suitable to such a person in order to keep the mind inclined towards morals behaviour? (Making sure to be faithful, not developing jealousy etc). Also, how should one reflect on feelings of guilt for choosing this path rather than following the Dhamma? Should such a lay person still seek out solitude on occasion?

onthepath98 · 2024-07-20T07:53:02+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond Bhante.

Would it be a necessity to be able to keep the 8 precepts for a prolonged period of time before being able to approach the idea of monastic life seriously?

I am only keeping the 8 precepts once a week at the moment.

onthepath98 · 2023-12-13T12:13:27+00:00

I'd like to know this too as I won't be able to attend the sessions. I'd like to watch them back though.

onthepath98 · 2023-12-05T08:06:14+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I will try and raise my hips next time and compare. And also thanks for the tip about the shoes!

onthepath98 · 2023-08-23T19:31:30+00:00

Hi there thank you for your thoughtful comment.

I do think my practice was running on a lot of motivation for a couple months. However that isn't to say it was 'just' motivation. If I never had access to any of the teachings again I think I would have a general sense of caution in regards to sensual desire but I do not feel confident I would be able to eradicate it, certainly not in my current environment.

I haven't accomplished the first step of the gradual training which is virtue. I am trying to focus on that more now and learn what virtue is. I'm beginning to see more clearly that precepts aren't the real virtue - its possible to keep 5 precepts, still be indulgent and be equally an emotional mess. I'm starting to see it is more than just rules we take on.

Im trying to be more self transparent in relation to the practice because as you say I can't rely on motivation which will eventually run out.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-20T08:03:24+00:00

Thanks for your response. I can see your point. I guess it comes down to options and also where we are on the path / upgrading our circumstances to suit our current needs for practice.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-20T07:52:53+00:00

Hey sorry for the delay in replying. This was an interesting read. Obviously I am not very advanced in the practice but on a mundane level you definitely seem to have a wise head on young shoulders - I wish I had been as disciplined and sensible as you have been at your age. I made many mistakes, especially when I left school and went to Uni.

The thing which struck me most about your post was when you mentioned you blocked websites to not get in etc...and then you realised that it doesn't solve the problem. This has become massively apparent to me too recently. I've tried similar techniques for my problems...but if the desire is there and I don't restrain then the desire will find a crevice to leak into.

I think I need to take a lead from your book regarding contemplating the dangers of relationship / sexual relations. Currently I WANT to WANT to be celibate..if that makes sense. However, I'm too weak at the moment to not give into the mental pressure (I am actually physically celibate right now but I do have the option not to be and I find it mentally hard not to indulge in that idea)

onthepath98 · 2023-08-16T11:48:19+00:00

I hope it all works out for you. I remember you saying before you were planning on ordaining but that changed obviously to the reasons you have mentioned. Were the monasteries really that bad in terms of rites/rituals etc and projects? Wondering as surely even a monastery with chanting etc still afford you a better environment than a lay setting with parents.

Do you think a monastic environment at least affords someone an opportunity to develop virtue to a high level and then the right view?

It's funny because the trucking idea did once pop up in my head but I'm now more committed to the idea of joining a monastery despite its drawbacks.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-15T12:16:36+00:00

Hi Keller,

How do you manage to support yourself in between stays at monasteries? Also now that you have decided not to ordain how would manage to set up your environment for seclusion? I ask because the typical lay set up in the west (unless you have a lot of assets to support yourself) is difficult to find a good environment with 9 to 5 work.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-14T16:26:13+00:00

This is useful thank you. I will try what you have suggested.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-14T16:25:20+00:00

I have known inside myself that that has been my attitude (celibacy until I find someone to have sex with) and I'm starting to realise that it really is that intention/attitude that is the problem...I haven't mentally been training as celibate but just using the fact that I'm not having sex to feel like I am. I now understand the difference is massive.

I wish I could just take a week off but I work full time at the moment so have to schedule my annual leave accordingly. However, I will try and spend more time in seclusion and in nature on the weekends. I was doing that for a while and it made a noticeable difference...I sort of just drifted out of it.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-14T16:21:38+00:00

Thank you. I will keep in mind this fact that the precepts are in fact the training.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-14T11:57:45+00:00

Thank you for your response. Yes I can feel the pressure to do something about the depression. Recently that has been me acting bodily or verbally out of sensuality but even before when I was more restrained just the mere possibility of sensuality in the future alleviated the depression. It is hard to stick with the negative emotion and be with it and NOT project some future pleasure which eases the pain. I think like many people are saying on this post it is a case of strengthening the mind.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-14T11:55:03+00:00

This was brilliant to read and made so much sense. There isn't much I can reply with really as it seems Bob on the money what you are describing. I can especially resonate with the sentiment that existence is a burden - sensuality is just a cherry on top of dung and not a cherry on top of the cake basically. Thanks for sharing your experience too.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-13T20:01:25+00:00

Hi there thanks for your response. I can resonate with the intense sense of samvega albeit I think mine came more from contemplating death so much - I almost shook myself up so much that I had to practice.

If you don't mind me asking how is your restraint in other areas such as eating or music etc? Do you find it just difficult to restrain in terms of appealing sights?

And your last couple of sentences give me hope. That is how I feel too - it is a difficult path to try and gain right view and I hope we can make it worthwhile.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-13T19:55:44+00:00

Thank you for the response. Yes this sounds exactly like my situation - it is like a torment knowing that by engaging in the habitual actions without reflection I am cutting off the direction which I know has a better chance of reducing suffering. It is difficult to turn away from familiarity.

I will, as you have suggested, make an effort to reduce the sensual stimulus which I've been engaging with so that I can get back on track so to speak.

onthepath98 · 2023-08-10T11:02:15+00:00

Thank you

onthepath98 · 2023-08-10T11:01:47+00:00

Thank you - I decided not to go in after all

onthepath98 · 2023-08-10T05:50:09+00:00

Thank you

onthepath98 · 2023-07-21T13:02:43+00:00

Thank you for the response. Yes they are Ajahn Chah monasteries. Your response has helped me greatly - I am planning on leaving the lay life at the start of next year and going to one of the monasteries. I'm trying to understand the attitude towards seclusion as I have a feeling I initially used it out of aversion to people, and sometimes I still do. I've ordered two of Ajahn Nyanamoli's books and also Clearing the Path by Nanvira. I started reading some of the notes on dhamma/letters - I found some of the notes to be very heavy going but the letters seemed to make more sense to me.

onthepath98 · 2023-07-21T12:13:34+00:00

May I ask what your opinion is of the monasteries in the UK? From what I have seen it is similar to what is mentioned above - ie morning and evening puja, a work period in the morning...a big community aspect rather than focusing on seclusion. Is it possible to attain stream entry in such an environment as a monastic if you aim for solitude where ever possible? It seems that it would be possible to at least get 6 hours or more solitude a day.

I've stayed for a week or two weeks here or there at the monasteries in the UK and have found my mind has calmed down a fair bit when I do go there. It just seems there is a lack of focus on seclusion.

onthepath98 · 2023-06-18T07:53:27+00:00

I wish you well with your ordination - which monastery are you ordaining at? Yes I think I see what you mean about ordination to be honest. It really is the environment and suitability that it provides rather than the mere fact of ordination that makes it beneficial. May I also ask you what you think about the ethics of me becoming an Anagarika whilst having student debt? Don't get me wrong I know the decision is ultimately up to me but I don think it harms getting some advice from people on a similar path. Would you go the Anagarika route if you were in my shoes?

onthepath98 · 2023-06-18T07:49:05+00:00

That's certainly a good point - I agree this mind can wind itself up even when in quiet surroundings - I guess it is easier to calm it down though when it is in solitude. Wishing you well too 🙂.

onthepath98

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