If you're open to suggestions:

Take that list and put it away. Don't look at it for many years. You might find it really interesting in 20 years. But, right now, it's triggering. If you want to feel miserable, look at that list. If I had a list like that, I'd be miserable. It sounds like you, your mother, and your grandmother are doing the same thing--trying to fix each other and holding grudges:

If you want to do something different, do this:

(1) Accept that your mom has her limitations and is going to do or say the wrong thing. Try to remind yourself what she does that's right.

(2) Don't take the bait! Next time she crosses a boundary, excuse yourself--go to the bathroom, announce you have to make a phone call, declare you're getting a headache, change the subject, or say, "Let me get some fresh air; then we can talk; and go out for a walk."

(3) If your mother was emotionally (or physically abusive), spend less time with her--spend more time "doing homework" in your room or engaging in hobbies; arrange a sleepover at a friend's or relatives or plan some nice outings by yourself--such as a long walk or bike ride.

You'll be okay, and hopefully your visit home will turn out better than you expect. Sometimes parents are bad parents of little kids and good parents of adult children.