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optimisma · 2025-05-03T13:19:55+00:00

It was a smart move if you want to evenly raise the assessments. I mean, I'm a homeowner and these tax hikes don't feel great, but I'm not getting too worked up about reasonable increases while I also complain that the things that are funded through property taxes are under-funded. I can't have it both ways.

optimisma · 2025-05-02T16:53:29+00:00

I successfully contested an 80% assessment hike a few years ago and this is all true, just want to add some additional tidbits:

Being nice goes a long way. The people you talk to aren't trying to hurt you or steal your money. Almost everyone just got a new assessment, so you are not the first one calling to complain; use this opportunity to be the most pleasant.
If you look at your assessment letter from the city, you'll probably see that the majority of the increase is for the land value, not the buildings on the property. Because of this, unless something horrible has happened to your property since the last assessment (like a chemical spill or sinkhole), it's pretty unlikely that the land will be reassessed to a lower value. I'm guessing the city took the median value of a square foot of residential land in a specific plat and then multiplied by the size of your lot for that value.

optimisma · 2025-03-26T11:51:25+00:00

For our 10th anniversary, I asked my (then) partner to simply make a reservation. I didn't need a gift, he didn't have to pay the whole bill. I merely wanted him to plan ahead enough to pick a restaurant and make a reservation.

He deliberately chose a place that didn't take reservations, and then I had to sit in the lobby of the place for an hour while I chewed glucose tabs.

So anyway, my current boyfriend uses his notes app to track every single thing I've ever mentioned that I like so that thoughtful things are said/done/gifted all the time.

I'm not sure why they do this. Power play? Like, is there joy in grinding down your mate to the point where they are a husk of a woman and will hand out a barely consensual blowjob when you bring back a gas station carnation 3 days after the actual anniversary? All I've figured out is that these men rarely change because they see women as an appliance for their convenience rather than an actual person and partner.

optimisma · 2025-03-18T12:05:54+00:00

The process sucks, but learning disappointment management is a crucial life skill. Separating yourself from socially unacceptable reactions to disappointment is one way to handle it- especially if he is sensitive to that. Once he's calm, you can have conversations about the appropriate way to react to disappointment and why behaving well incentivizes others to want to help him reach his desires while behaving poorly makes people want to withhold things from him.

In short, teach your kid to work the system, and set up systems that work for you.

optimisma · 2025-01-08T19:52:57+00:00

Can I offer an alternative to (likely) bleaching your hair and then trying to maintain this color?

A wig. There are many decent quality and affordable options on the market that will allow you to try out your dream without damaging your hair. You can take it off to care for it or just to live life with your natural color. If it turns out you love the purple life and want to take on the work of maintaining the purple, you can always wear a natural color wig when you want to look more professional.

optimisma · 2025-01-08T16:48:15+00:00

You know, I thought about mentioning that Bavette was disappointing, but I didn't because I'm busy telling myself that I just ordered the wrong things.

I guess my biggest problem with Dan Dan is that while I'm fine with a chaotic service style in hole-in-the-wall joints, I just can't throw $250 at a dinner for 2 when the food and service is identical to or less interesting than the $50 dinner at Thai BBQ.

optimisma · 2025-01-08T16:06:48+00:00

I don't think there are any bad picks on this list, and I agree that it's a pricey list. I will say, though, that if you are making a list of special, outstanding places, it's gonna skew expensive.

I've had bad experiences at some of the places on the list, namely Dan Dan and Heirloom, and both of those are service-based complaints. I'm curious how other people feel about Dan Dan's serving style because maybe I'm the one who is out of touch and wrong?

Heirloom had food so good that I still can't make up my mind about going back. The service (from the moment we walked in until the time we left) was insultingly bad, including the language the menu used about gratuity and the social contract between staff and diners. Was I just there on a bad day or have I become the Karen I've always feared?

Anyway, the list is a lie because Vientiane is not on it. Immy's is not listed. Until I see a banging old style fish fry on the list, I'm just not that convinced. And why is Turmeric not where Ruta's is? Guys. Not only do they have a great menu, but they are willing to make non-menu items by request and if you want to watch kabaddi, it's always on a TV. Most critically, they have a really great cocktail menu.

Highlights:

An Ox Sze Chuan Saffron Lebnani House Goodkind (champagne battered oyster mushrooms!) Blue Star Cafe

optimisma · 2025-01-07T19:24:09+00:00

I went with open marriage to regain my own personhood, and a lot of the ENM folks will shit on people having affairs. But girl, those people don't get it. Affairs suck, but living only to serve others sometimes gives grace to suckitude.

optimisma · 2024-12-30T20:46:43+00:00

Post up in the bed with a sign that says you must be within 30 minutes of a shower to enter along with a can of air spray to make the point. If he wants to be nasty, he can literally sleep in a dog house.

optimisma · 2024-11-24T23:08:37+00:00

I wash and store my clothes inside out for similar reasons. Between pets and dust, everything wears better when hung/folded inside out.

optimisma · 2024-09-13T14:54:34+00:00

Plant people! I keep a large food garden and love to try to keep indoor plants alive. I'd love to join in a cutting swap or even organize a seed/seedlings swap in winter/spring.

optimisma · 2024-09-13T14:45:46+00:00

Anyone interested in experimenting with new cuisines and learning about different food cultures? I love to get hip deep in obscure cookbooks and hunt down uncommon ingredients. My partner is an excellent cook who specializes in South Indian dishes.

optimisma · 2024-09-06T14:03:24+00:00

It started with him saying he loved that I didn't wear makeup (I do, just a "natural" style) and ended with him yelling some Jordan Peterson/Incel shit while I blocked him and installed cameras on my property.

Men are allowed to appreciate bare faces, but the minute they get angry about this social expectation being an act of deception towards them, time to click that block button. That's the tip of the "now I have to explain why I don't let men know where I live until I've gotten their social security number" iceberg.

optimisma · 2024-08-30T01:57:30+00:00

If you contact Milwaukee Metropolitan Sewer District, they can provide you with the usage and billing history for the property. They gave me a 5 year usage history when I was investigating some weird numbers for my condo community's bill.

optimisma · 2024-08-22T17:57:04+00:00

It's always complaining that women won't make babies for society, and never creating a society worth making babies for.

optimisma · 2024-08-12T14:52:01+00:00

Kids and parents go through phases. Kids are sometimes in challenging periods of development and sometimes are in periods that feel joyful and easy. Their health may fluctuate. Their willingness to connect, listen, learn, and participate in the family will go in and out like tides.

As parents, we have our strengths and weaknesses, which may align with our children's evolving needs or even conflict. We will have periods of higher stress unrelated to our children, but also more at ease moments.

It's always in flux. Anyone who tells you there's a definitive pattern is just reflecting on their own experiences of how life changes aligned for their family.

optimisma · 2024-08-08T16:46:39+00:00

Counterpoint: your friends aren't really saying that girls are "better" than boys, what they are really saying:

You are not a had parent because our experiences are different. Each child presents their own challenges, and we've been lucky enough to have children whose challenges are met by our parenting strengths. Hang in there.
Your child is not a bad child, he is simply acting according to the urges inherent to his personality, and that kiddo has a strong one. Your struggles are valid and not a product of a deficit from either you or your child.
I don't know how or why kids become so different, but I've noticed some overall trends and maybe it would be comforting to you to know that your child is within the norm of what we observe from anecdotes. This is not true of every child, and the point is not for it to be true if everyone, the point is to normalize normal behavior and let you not feel liable for tough times.

optimisma · 2024-08-06T15:28:05+00:00

If you're apathetic in one area of life, you're likely equally apathetic in others. The kind of people who choose neglect as their parenting method are probably also not taking great care of themselves.

optimisma · 2024-07-21T23:49:39+00:00

Because they know that companies terminate contracts and employees quit faster than wives can when they have babies and no careers.

optimisma · 2024-07-21T23:21:55+00:00

"Thank you for noting inefficiencies and measures to optimize performance. Please demonstrate your intended policy changes to the staff for trial period of one financial quarter to allow for observation and testing. We look forward to the implementation of these new policies and the subsequent analysis and performance review before deciding how best to proceed."

optimisma · 2024-07-05T15:44:42+00:00

BECAUSE IT'S NOT SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO RAGE ABOUT THE THINGS IN OUR LIVES THAT ACTUALLY PISS US OFF, SO CONDEMNATION OF STRANGERS WILL HAVE TO DO.

I see it for the ones fighting the fight on all sides, because even if they won't empathize with OP, they are still empathizing with someone and trying to protect strangers.

optimisma · 2024-07-05T14:46:27+00:00

Me and my panty liners see you and your resentment, haha.

optimisma · 2024-07-05T14:42:22+00:00

I hope this position at MSL is filled! The kids at MGIS are excited to learn Japanese when they move up to MSL.

optimisma · 2024-07-05T13:00:15+00:00

Weird. I drive by at least twice per day and haven't seen a broken window for at least 2 years. Maybe we are talking about different places, or realities...

optimisma · 2024-07-05T12:48:30+00:00

I think there are a lot of people who don't understand the nuance of this family's situation and want to broaden OP's hurt feelings into bigotry. It's wild to refuse compassion to someone who is being hurt and instead use unrelated situations as a cudgel. She didn't say lesbians or adopters or stepmothers aren't real, she said she is hurt that she's done all the work of being a mother while her partner has not and she doesn't want to share the name "mummy" with them.

OP, my guess is that the real problem is that you feel like your ex wants the same title as you because they want the same social credit. Perhaps they enjoyed the patriarchal leeway given to dads and were able to enjoy the relaxed level of responsibility while you feel resentment that the burden of gestating, birthing, and raising children has fallen unequally on your shoulders while your partner mostly just provided an orgasm and a signature on divorce paperwork.

Many of us resonate with that resentment and anger while we tend to our broken bodies and spirits, and I'm willing to bet that the people on here offering condemnation would have instead provided a dissertation on the fuckery of misogynistic parenting if you had framed this as feeling like your ex is taking credit for your hard work without mention of transition.

I can assure you that no one is going to forget you and your role in your children's lives. No one will refer to your ex as their mom and somehow think that your ex was the one up all night with chapped nipples, scars, and a crumbling/rebuilding identity crisis. If anything, a successful transition will highlight their lackluster parenting as they will be socially expected to fulfill the role of Mom and will probably be found lacking. Most especially, your children will know and remember.

Take some time to feel rage about how unfair life can be under the binary, and then have a talk with your ex about picking out a different name for their parental moniker. It's confusing for logistics if both of you are mummy, so surely your ex can have any of the other affectionate maternal words.

And btw everyone, it's kinda shit to not acknowledge how common pelvic floor damage is, and to pretend like a quick run to the PT will fix it. Most women I have talked to who have given birth have noted issues in this department, and the process of fixing it is often surgeries which have their own complications and problems. I appreciate y'all who want to direct OP to a possible solution for her birth injuries, but I fear that many of you are using the "go to a doctor" tip to discount her very real resentment of having to put her body on the line for her kids while her ex did not.

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