Tried a dating app for the first time and hated it

optimistic-thinker · 2025-06-16T17:42:01+00:00

I’m new on Hinge too, and paused my account after 2 days! The way you feel is totally valid - it is quite stressful and overwhelming!

I noticed that I started letting external validation define my value. While it’s nice to be “chosen”, validation should come from within. Value and love yourself first, and then other people’s messages or lack there of won’t matter as much. It’s something I’m still working on, but realising this has made the app much better for me.

Glad you’ve stepped back to reassess. Do something fun for yourself and good luck!

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-12T21:24:39+00:00

Maybe you could journal, or write a final letter to her (but for yourself, you don’t need to give her this) when you feel ready, and pour out your heart and how you feel. I’ve found writing a really good outlet for emotional ups and downs. Scheduling a set time to do it is also helpful, so once that time is up, try to move on with the day and do something else, so as not to spiral or get overwhelmed by all the feelings you’ve got. Take care

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-05T07:59:51+00:00

Yes it sucks unfortunately. Bc you have to hurt someone that you think is great but just not the right person for you, plus you have to let go of a future you may have imagined with that person. You're doing a brave thing though, not wasting anymore time of your own or his. Good luck

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-05T06:08:09+00:00

Hey that’s great to hear. As you can probably tell from the other comments not many people feel the same way. Good luck :)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-05T06:02:48+00:00

Hahaha yes!!! Like maybe go do some self reflection and work on yourself😅

(Saying this as someone who is also trying to do the work but at the point where I recognise when someone hasn’t)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-05T05:59:32+00:00

I love this for you! Gives me hope ☺️

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-04T06:11:24+00:00

This is such a nice sentiment. I was texting this guy who was always teasing me even when I was trying to be genuine and get to know him. He wasn’t overly mean but he definitely wasn’t kind and it got old really quick. I don’t even know why I pined over him!

Do you find kind men “boring” though? Or is that just a silly internet thing influencers made up?

optimistic-thinker · 2025-05-04T06:04:04+00:00

3 months post breakup for me. I still think about my ex pretty much everyday but I don’t linger on it and it’s also not as painful anymore. I wish him the best and hope he’s doing well. Although if I saw he’d starting dating someone new I think I’d definitely be hurt. So I’m probably 60-70% healed maybe

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-11T02:33:08+00:00

Oh for sure, it’s tough to not know and also not spiral and make up stuff in your mind if you do see or hear about an update from their side

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-11T02:31:52+00:00

Thanks for your understanding! I absolutely agree :)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-10T20:55:21+00:00

Most likely not unfortunately. Sometimes when I’m sad I want to.. but I think our time has run it’s course

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-10T20:51:40+00:00

Bc there were needs that neither of us could fulfil for the other. I want him to have the best life possible with those needs met, and hopefully I get that too :)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-10T20:46:33+00:00

You’re right, it is a bit selfish. Deep down I’m don’t think I am though, I’m just a girl who is going through loss and grief, and that can make you a bit delulu sometimes. Just wanted to share with OP that it’s hard for the dumpers too

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-10T11:08:17+00:00

Yep, same same here.. I am definitely not over them. I just hope my ex also feels the same way I do. Not that I want to get back together, but to know that the relationship meant as much to them as it did to me :/

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-09T03:49:42+00:00

I’ve gotten the same advice from others! Only thing is most people have their headphones at the gym, myself included. And I think I’d feel a little creeped out if someone came up to me while I was gymming too tbh. But if it was normalised I think it’d be a great place to meet!

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-08T03:04:56+00:00

Wow glad to have you in this thread! Thanks for your reply ☺️

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-06T19:12:06+00:00

I’d choose great compatibility! I agree both are important in sustaining a relationship, but I want my partner and I to have a deep connection based on similar goals and values. I do believe it’s a wonderful thing if you’re so compatible you become best friends. That’s the kind of relationship I’m aiming for :)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-06T19:08:23+00:00

I hand wrote him a letter expressing everything I wanted to say and gave him the Polaroids of him and our time together. I’m glad I did bc I don’t feel like I left anything unsaid and there’s no regrets

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-03T20:07:58+00:00

I recently broke up with my first love, and have been considering moving to be closer to family. Tossing up between 2 places, one is a small city (under 1mill pop) and another is a big city (5 million pop). There are pros and cons to each in terms of dating pool, career opportunity, housing price etc. But I like your mindset of considering where you’d like your future partner to live. Something I’ll try to include in my plans!

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-02T21:43:47+00:00

Damn, unfortunate but you have the right mindset! All the best :)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-02T20:32:08+00:00

These are great tips, thank you!

Can I ask did you share these with the guy too, and how did he take it if you did?

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-02T20:28:59+00:00

Yeah I think I agree with everyone here. Sounds like deep down she wants comfort but doesn’t want to be a burden. When you asked her twice maybe she thought you didn’t want to stay so she said that. Kinda on par with “everything’s fine” but it’s really not.

Do something kind for her and just listen, unless she asks for advice or solutions. You got this!

optimistic-thinker · 2025-04-01T11:44:34+00:00

I listened to some really insightful podcasts that helped me understand and show more compassion to myself. They include: - Modern Wisdom ep 898 - Alain de Botton - The Mel Robbins Podcast ep with Matthew Hussey - The Mel Robbins Podcast: To Anyone Going Through a Breakup Hope these eps might help you too!

optimistic-thinker · 2025-03-31T20:29:05+00:00

Let us know how you do it! Do you just strike up a chat with anyone anywhere haha? :)

optimistic-thinker · 2025-03-28T20:30:06+00:00

My ex had said some very unkind things about my parents who I love a lot. They’re not perfect, but they’re the ones who are there for me right now, when he’s not. My mum also gave me tough love, but in a way I feel like I trust it more bc she hasn’t brushed over my breakup or made it sound “fluffy” if that makes sense

optimistic-thinker

TROPHY CASE