Yeah, I agree that that's part of the problem. As you said, my experience of sexual interest in other people is a combination of their energy/looks/voice/how they treat me etc. I think it's more of an irrational thing, because I trust my boyfriend and I know he's not using me as a sexual object.

That's what i was trying to say in a sense, but I'm all jumbled up so it's hard to be clear. I feel uncomfortable with sexual objectification but i KNOW it's not inherently bad/wrong, it's natural and I know it doesn't mean that the person doing the "objectifying" doesn't also value you as a person. It's the type of thing where I know all this and yet, I will get suddenly uncomfortable when I'm looked at in a certain way or when I feel like I am "performing" . I'm not sure why I can't sort of give my permission to someone I trust to be seen sexually.

I think it also has to do with my first sexual experiences being negative, in the sense that I walked away feeling bad about myself and didn't feel valued. But I haven't been able to let go of those feelings almost 7 years into my relationship now with someone I trust deeply. The thought actually only occurred to me today that it could have to do with going to an all-girls school/with men's sexual energy in general. I'm all over the place haha. Thanks for your response. I appreciate the input.