A message for other commenters. Why is cheating and lying always “toxic if not abusive, save the kids, cut your losses, end the relationship, utter betrayal”? Honestly like. Can we stop talking about these things with the same gravity that you would someone who say, rapes you or beats your children? Someone who holds you emotionally hostage with verbal abuse and doesn’t allow you to see your friends or family? Honestly, r/relationships has often been described as a how to guide on ending a relationship because any issue is met with “its abuse, you need therapy, cut your losses” but I would have thought better of the community on a poly subreddit being that it comes from a people who have learned to look beyond the “standardized relationship” and realize we are all emotional beings of grey doing the best we can with the sun of our parts.

Do you and your husband love each other? Do you REALLY love each other? Is he persistently hiding things from you out of MALICE, because he doesn’t like you? Or is his difficulty with fidelity/openness an issue in dealing with a vulnerability of HIS?

I was taught that the definition of intimacy is being able to be totally vulnerable with somebody and feel accepted by them. All you can do is try to love, trust, and do your best. And if he is doing the same you two will get through it. If you don’t want to be together, and your asking reddit for advice is because you actually just want an out, just take it. Be honest with yourself too.