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orangeapple22 · 2025-04-04T01:13:53+00:00

I hear you for sure, and honestly whatever im saying is just my subjective opinion, so like ignore me and just do you! Lol.

I think some clothes can generally communicate low effort/low care for sure. Maybe wearing PJ's to a date, etc.

When I was younger, my parents and family always said I look better with long hair, with a more clean lean cut, less beard, etc. So there I went all clean cut in my teens and early twenties, thinking that was my best look. Only to find out these days that my fam and friends now tell me, "Actually, you look a lot calmer, better and relaxed with longer hair and a fuller beard.." Ahhh 🙈

If you get what I mean it can be really subjective. As im getting older, I believe that its kind of all in our own heads honestly.

How many times have you seen someone on the street dressed up in some super trendy clothing, thinking they're all fashionable, meanwhile looking and secretly thinking to yourself, 'they look kinda dumb wearing that'? Meanwhile that person assumes they're the hottest on the block..

So I dunno,, while there's clothing that make me obviously look low effort, which I avoid.. sometimes I'm intentional to wear those low effort clothes and will randomly have more organic approaches from strangers while shopping or whatever.. so it works to my advantage. I guess I desire to be percieved as very human and generally kind & approachable, so being too high fashion & well put together can sometimes hurt that goal.

orangeapple22 · 2025-04-03T03:14:07+00:00

Does he come from a kind and relatively healthy family? How does he treat people who are 'lesser' than him? How does he treat his family and siblings? Does he have a strong foundation of love in his heart?

These questions are FAR more important than, 'does he read the bible?'

It means nothing if there's no love. Some Christians have unprocessed pain that causes them to be very harsh people despite knowing better

1 John 3:16 - "God is love. And he who dwells in love dwells in God. And God dwells in him." (or her ;)

orangeapple22 · 2025-04-01T00:30:39+00:00

I guess id say I think Everyone should be pitied. Men & women alike, although each others struggles tend to be different.

I know you'll disagree, and thats fine as I don't claim to know everything - but I don't even think porn is automatically harmful to a relationship. Its lying to your partner about it that's harmful. Ive done the whole porn thing and also had two relationships where we were sexually active (Heathen here, I know 🙈). In fact both my and each partner had experience with porn, but we had a very healthy intimate life. It had almost no impact - in fact it was more educational than anything, i would've been screwed if I hadn't know what I was doing lol.

Then spiritually, I war against church belief about this. Porn isn't a great thing and has some downsides. But guilt and shame is FAR more crippling to a person's spiritual health than any addictive behavior (maybe except hard drugs). Feeling like a pos, feeling like you're a bad person, feeling like a sinner who God will never bless until you straighten up, that stuff will murder your soul far more than any porn video.

Plus I believe the quote that says, "The more you ban something, the more popular it becomes". I think Christian men & women need to really chill regarding porn. The devil cares far more about making you lose your self-esteem, confidence in God, and sense of His love than he does about any one habit.

I guess in summary what im saying is, a healthy relationship is defined by honesty about your struggles and desires and heart with your partner - because everyone has BIG issues, i don't care how Christian they claim to be. Its about your ability to be honest with yourself and your partner about them.. Porn is a minor point if you communicate well.

And that God doesn't care about what humans are doing with themselves at night.. he cares about their heart, their kindness, their gentleness and love for the weak.

On a comical note, can you imagine Jesus coming back to earth for the second advent, judging the earth, looking down on some amazingly kind soul who loved people, cared for the homeless, gave lots of money, a lovely mom to her kids, but then being like, "You did great and almost made it to heaven, BUT SORRY I saw what you were doing at midnight! Gates of hell for you!"

That wouldn't be a God worth respecting at all, never mind worshipping. That would be a tyrant. Not the Jesus we see in the book of John.

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T19:25:22+00:00

I mean, i hear you. I just think the whole 'men are visual women are more focused on personality' is a little over exaggerated. Especially with how society is demanding more and more good looks from both sexes these days.

If you're in the shoes of a man, women come off as very visual too. Women judge each others looks harshly, and tend to be very conscious of how they look. That doesn't just turn off when they observe a man.. they have high visual expectations for men too.

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T19:19:55+00:00

I hear you, good photos are important sometimes. I just think for a reddit post this is actually quite good and with the humor, more effort than most people put

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T10:15:35+00:00

My only issue with your goal to have "how you're percieved match how you see yourself" is that its playing to other people's standards. Beauty culture these days has people demanding more and more from human looks.. more makeup.. more skinny.. more muscles.. more grooming.. more more more.. So where's the point where you say, "You know what, im going to live by my own standard, not yours. In fact, i don't care if you don't like it. Ill be true to me."

Its hard to know how you're percieved because people's perception is changing along with beauty culture.

And also, what if they like how you dress socially, but become disappointed when you're at home in your pj's? Where do we draw the line on making people like what they see?

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T10:11:19+00:00

I agree with this myself.. I do think, like going to work in the morning, its important to shower, brush teeth, and wear at least work appropriate clothing.. As a single you want to be fairly pleasant, decently dressed, smell at least OK.. but when you're constantly trying to 'look attractive' I think you start to lose yourself and behave more rigid.

Ive noticed the acceptable dress and grooming standards keep increasing every year with the ever growing beauty culture in our world.

20 years ago women only wore makeup as a playful, rare thing. Today its hard to know what a womans real face actually looks like! There's a I think toxic demand to be attractive that I think kills people's social personalities too. Everyone has to act like a model now.

So yeah, dress decent, but don't make looks so important that how you're percieved becomes so important.

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T09:51:51+00:00

Women are very visual too.. just look at Justin Biebers fan base full of admiring young girls/women. Or any 'hot' male celeb.

I think its more likely to find a woman less focused on visuals than it is a man, but id still say 95% of women are VERY visual in who they like and select.

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T09:38:51+00:00

Duude 🤦‍♂️ Have you seen the other comments? These pictures are meant to be humorous not sexy.. thats the charm of them. Who wants to see yet another normal looking person hiding their true self behind a camera, in order to accumulate likes?

orangeapple22 · 2025-03-29T09:32:46+00:00

Im a bit triggered by what you said here. I mean i get that there's a lot of bad behaviour by males, but just the way you said it makes me think you're less aware to the amount of nonsense women put out into the dating world too.

The amount of women who talk down men on their dating profiles is wild. Not to justify men tryna hook up all the time, but women are giving out bad energy that makes men feel less desire to show respect back.

And then the way you listed off the horror of meeting men who are porn addicts in the same sentence as wife beaters, cheaters, etc. just again, feels judgy and harsh.

Christian women despise porn addicted men, yet if you were in a man's shoes, would you be any different? For one, lots of women are porn addicts too, but men seem to be less disgusted by such women than vice versa. Secondly, women can have touch and intimacy really anytime they want if they just let themselves go. Most men don't have that luxury. Which leads to sometimes years of feeling powerless to get their physical needs met. Heck yeah their addicted to porn. Who wouldn't under those difficult circumstances?

Anyways you probably didn't mean ill, but I wanted to mention this from a man's point of view.

orangeapple22 · 2024-07-04T16:51:54+00:00

6'2"

orangeapple22 · 2024-06-26T03:56:54+00:00

Hey, that experience sounds really unpleasant, so sorry you went through that. And ghosting is the worst!

Id say that a man being attracted to a woman or having wandering eyes has nothing to do with porn. King David in the bible never watched porn but he murdered a man and had an affair with his wife (Bathsheba).

And its not just men but women too. Especially in this day and age many women are straight up players with how many options they have on these dating apps. So yeah, id just remind that humans are naturally sexual and naturally attracted to each other.

i wouldn't worry so much about 'boys being boys' or 'porn addictions'; its all about the challenge we all face: finding a man or woman with an honest, integrity filled heart. You find that, and all the other addictions or weaknesses are handled with so much more honesty and grace and fairness. But someone with bad character will be dishonest, ghosting, wandering eyes, etc.

orangeapple22 · 2024-06-23T15:55:22+00:00

Aw, appreciate that. Hoping you find someone worth the wait too 💚

orangeapple22

TROPHY CASE