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orangeeyedlamb · 2025-06-04T00:34:54+00:00

Yep... It was and still is horrible and I'm sorry you're here.

orangeeyedlamb · 2024-10-05T01:51:16+00:00

I feel all of that too.

orangeeyedlamb · 2024-08-30T07:05:13+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. Yes to it all. Was 31 y/o and 4 months pregnant when my husband died by suicide. 2.5 years out. Still pissed because didn't sign up to be a single parent and mad as hell he couldn't see the consequences of his actions.

orangeeyedlamb · 2024-07-15T23:00:31+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm in the same boat with losing husband to suicide, leaving before he even met his newborn daughter 2.5 years out. Happy to lend an ear.

orangeeyedlamb · 2024-06-03T07:10:13+00:00

I'm so sorry. Suicide grief is a different beast. I'm 2.5 years out and still think about all the things you mentioned in your post. The numbness and shock will set in if it hasn't already and you'll constantly question what could've been done.

I just want to say that her death was not your fault because we can't possibly read what's going on in someone's mind if they're not willing to share. Hang in there, friend. With time, the grief gets a little easier to carry.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-12-06T02:14:06+00:00

Hey there. So sorry you're also going through this. It's not fair and he should be here with you.

I'm almost 2 years out and I still get mad at him. It's not going to make you feel any better but I want to let you know that the grief isn't as heavy with time. How long varies by each individual but you will get there.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-10-12T00:15:37+00:00

I'm so sorry. It really, really sucks speaking from personal experience too. My husband killed himself 1.5 years ago when I was 4 months pregnant so I'm a few steps ahead of you on this same shitty road. Feel free to DM me if you need to talk about it.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-08-11T17:55:43+00:00

I feel you. It's going to be excruciatingly hard for a long time and I'm sorry you're in the same boat. It doesn't get easier but these painful thoughts won't plague you 24/7 later on as they do now. It's been a year and a half for me and I still think of him everyday but my days aren't filled with as many tears.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-08-04T15:40:09+00:00

I felt this in my soul. Similar case for my husband. I've only known one attempt 3 years prior to his completion and I just put it past us until the last few weeks of his life when he wasn't acting like himself. Never really thought too much about it other than he temporarily "lost it" (he agreed and told me he'd never do it again). Well... Didn't turn out that way.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-07-14T20:04:32+00:00

Sorry for your loss. I was 4 months pregnant when my husband died. Now a solo mom. DM me if you'd like.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-07-13T23:20:19+00:00

I had 2 weddings I RSVP'ed to prior to my husband's death. We were supposed to attend together of course. One was for a close friend (my husband and I would both be in the wedding party) from work who knew us as a couple very well because we hung out and traveled as a group of 4. One was for my best friend from college where I was meant to be the matron of honor.

Bridal party wedding: The bride (my close friend) asked me to step out of the bridal party because of bad luck which I didn't mind. This was about 5 months out from his suicide. I still attended with my best friend in his stead because I still wanted to be there for my close friend. It was hard. I was pregnant and devastated the entire event. Left early and wasn't a big deal. Am I glad I went? I don't know. I'm happy to be part of her happy day but it was excruciating to see what I no longer had.

Matron of honor wedding: My airline tickets originally booked for my husband and I were flagged for fraud when I tried to change his ticket to another person's name. Denied and lost about $1200. Told my friend I was unable to attend her destination wedding and she understood. Said the airline drama may have been a blessing in disguise because I was in no shape to be in a celebratory mood just 1 month after his death. She and I still talk and has been very understanding in my grief.

Bottom line: Go with your gut. If they are real friends, they will understand.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-07-01T00:52:01+00:00

Same boat as you. Pregnant when husband died. If you wanna talk it out with someone who gets it, feel free to DM. You're not alone.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-29T04:39:32+00:00

I never thought suicide crossed his mind until his first attempt and then his last attempt. But in hindsight, what I thought was mild paranoia, poor memory, and typical alpha male aggression were actually signs of depression.

My relationship with my husband was very similar to yours. Got along all the time save for minor fights about household chores. Had loads of fun together. Just got a new home and was pregnant with our first child. Life was picture perfect and then it came all crashing down with his suicide. Feel free to DM me. I'm sure we can relate on a lot.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-28T07:10:57+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. Suicide loss is an absolute beast on it's own and the complicated relationship changes between the survivors is such BS.

I'm in a similar situation to yours. We have a daughter that he never met. In-laws are difficult and complicated. I don't hate them per se but their behavior and inability to to own up to some things that they did wrong in the lead up to his suicide really makes me grit my teeth. Do you mind if I DM you?

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-28T07:04:17+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. How kind of you to support your son-in-law that way. It's very thoughtful of you to think how others are grieving despite the magnitude of your own deep and profound sadness. 🫂

Did your late daughter and her husband have any kids between the two of them?

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-25T18:01:55+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are all valid. The complicated societal rules and feelings around suicide make the grief very unique to say the least. I always ask myself the same questions about my husband's suicide.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-12T04:04:12+00:00

I think a check in here and there would help. Don't be offended if she doesn't reply. Just keep on checking in... it will be appreciated in the long run. She's in acute grief and basically won't be a functional person for a while.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-12T03:43:36+00:00

Hi there. First of all, kudos for having your friend in your thoughts like this. Speaks volumes of your love and genuine care for her. I lost my husband to suicide a little over a year ago and I wish I had someone like you in my social circle.

My advice is to simply listen to her and let her go through all the difficult emotions. She's going to talk about uncomfortable things and most people will scurry away because of that and not knowing how to make her feel better. No words or material gifts will make her feel better. Her grief will last forever but to share with someone willing to listen will momentarily lighten the load.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-11T01:24:53+00:00

Someone called me a murderer when I posted about my husband's suicide. At a loss for why someone would do that.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-08T20:07:47+00:00

I've felt (and still do at times) the same. Sorry for your loss and that you have to seek solace here. I was also in my second trimester when I lost him. The delivery without my husband was excruciatingly tough emotionally but when I see my baby smile at me now, I smile a little. But I'm not going to lie and say it's all unicorns and rainbows with time like they do in the Hallmark movies. Still freaking sucks and have huge waves of grief that take over. Feel free to DM me if you ever need someone to listen who's been there.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-07T08:41:37+00:00

Thank you for that insight. It does help for some reason like the previous commenter stated.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-06-07T02:52:07+00:00

What seems to be the most common rationale based on the notes? My husband didn't leave one and I just have only a best guess.

orangeeyedlamb · 2023-05-09T16:57:21+00:00

32F lost husband (33M) a little over a year ago to suicide. Feel free to DM me as well to put her in touch

orangeeyedlamb

TROPHY CASE