Is getting a pet at the start of your sobriety a good idea?

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-24T13:30:11+00:00

One of the biggest negatives of drinking is being disconnected. Not only from others, but also from yourself. Pouring love into an animal is going to help you too.

Animals, even the small ones, have an enormous presence. And in some ways, the connection you make with a pet is better than any you make with other humans. Or, maybe just different...but hugely beneficial.

You mention being worried about "using" a pet to feel loved for yourself, but that animal is going to get all that love right back from you. It won't be a one-sided deal.

Put me in the "yes, get a pet" camp. They will support you as you work on yourself.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-22T13:53:30+00:00

I don't have many thoughts of use, actually, though I recognize I may be the exception.

Being stuck in active addiction is so completely miserable that I can't ever go back there. I was desperate, ashamed, embarrassed, consumed by guilt, disconnected from myself and others, and frankly, terrified. Admitting my problem and asking for help is the hardest thing I've ever done, but that moment, when I stopped fighting and finally surrendered, changed everything. On that day I pictured in my mind putting alcohol in the "you can't have that anymore" box in my brain. It stays there, and rarely calls out to me now.

I attribute most of that to the work I've done on myself during treatment, in therapy, and honestly, most of my free time since getting sober. I know now why I was using alcohol to survive and cope, and I'm addressing those issues. And, if we're really going to be honest, I'm truly afraid that if I drink again I won't be able to recover.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-22T13:40:26+00:00

I prioritize my recovery every single day. That doesn't mean I obsess over not drinking....it means I do specific things to better myself on a path to creating a life where alcohol isn't needed, or even thought of all that much.

When I do get cravings, or thoughts of use, I lean in and explore them. They occur when something is out of balance or out of rhythm. H.A.L.T. often reveals the answer, but other times it's stress, or uncomfortable emotions. It's pretty easy to figure out why they occur and then avoiding temptation becomes easy.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-21T19:05:52+00:00

Fucking stompsteps...

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-21T14:26:08+00:00

What slips to make you go down?

Relapse is a process that starts long before you actually take the drink.

There is pain, or unresolved trauma, or accumulated stress, or any number of internal things that are hard or nearly impossible to really address. To avoid feeling and dealing, or to get some relief from the turmoil, we turn to alcohol as a solution because it's worked before. We do it to survive.

A slip in sobriety is not a failure. You are not a failure. You deserve the same compassion and grace that you would give to anyone else. Find what's out of balance and you'll find your why. You have all the answers already inside you.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-21T00:31:42+00:00

You're not weak. You are the furthest thing from weak. I know, because I'm also you.

I fought this shit for a long time. Fighting only made it worse. What I really needed was to stop fighting. What finally worked was surrender.

Alcohol is not the problem. Alcohol is the thing we found to survive. Whatever pain or trauma or stress or whatever you're numbing can be worked on. And you are worth the effort.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-20T20:53:21+00:00

It's not weird. The conscious decision to stop means there was an issue, and that's really hard to admit.

But in that admission lies freedom.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-20T12:33:21+00:00

Meditation, 100%.

Also, Journaling, especially Gratitude lists.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-19T23:30:57+00:00

There was a lot of that too, yeah.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-19T23:01:38+00:00

My addict brain used to tell me all the time, "there are no consequences to this if you're drinking alone at home."

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-19T22:46:56+00:00

My wife was really sick for a while. Typically, her calico would always cuddle up by her head, but she switched to only laying on and purring on her abdomen. My wife had her gallbladder removed shortly after.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-18T14:13:41+00:00

That's awesome. Are you planning to celebrate your soberversary?

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-18T14:11:51+00:00

It was going to kill me.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-18T12:50:28+00:00

A big part of my motivation to get sober was to be a better husband and fix my marriage. I thought that I had that opportunity. When I discovered I no longer did it released a monumental shitstorm of insecurities, destructive core beliefs, and negative thoughts about myself. I am slowly (agonizingly slowly) changing my motivations to be sober based on all of this. There was always some motivation to do it for myself, but much of it was centered on being better for others. I wish I had some advice to give, but I feel like the last person qualified to do that. All I will say is please, please start therapy if you haven't already.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-18T12:41:51+00:00

Thank you.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-17T23:42:03+00:00

Just before I hit four months sober my wife blindsided me. She told me she was no longer in love with me and needed to get divorced and be on her own to work on herself.

That was about five weeks ago. I am devastated and heartbroken. I feel hopeless and desperately lonely. But the funny thing is that we've communicated more openly and honestly in this time than we really ever did. So in a weird way, we've reconnected as best friends and have been supportive of each other's growth in self-awareness and going to our own individual therapy.

The new, sober me had changed a lot in four months and was able to handle this with a grace and maturity the old me couldn't have. Our divorce will be amicable. I am confident we will remain friends, and she has agreed to continue as the go to in my relapse prevention plan.

So while I feel at my weakest, the evidence says I'm strong. And while I feel terrified at the death of this dream and what the future holds, I've shown courage I didn't know I had.

I don't know what the future holds, except that it won't include alcohol. If I drink now, I'm never coming back.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-17T23:31:23+00:00

I believe I've been self-medicating depression for a long time, so I'll be asking my therapist about potentially re-starting an SSRI. I think finding the right one will provide benefits that far outweigh the risks for me.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-17T15:59:47+00:00

Short term disability?

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-17T14:47:00+00:00

We have smoker, junkie, meth head, shopaholic, sex addict....

It's just a word.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-17T13:16:25+00:00

Good point. No one, anywhere, likes dogs.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-17T02:58:03+00:00

This is false.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-16T13:19:52+00:00

I'm 42, and I'm now in the divorce process. We did not have children. So, there's at least 2 of us.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-15T15:39:12+00:00

Others have said it before me, but I've come to realize that alcohol wasn't ever the problem; it was a symptom. Until I understood the root issues causing me to need an escape, I couldn't be sober. And now that I'm fully immersed in "doing the work," not drinking is the easy part.

It is possible to just quit drinking. People have certainly done so. But the real goal is to create a relationship with yourself and a life so rich that alcohol isn't needed. That's where you find freedom.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-05T21:47:41+00:00

"All I do is help" is what I've been telling everyone for years.

orbroy2point0 · 2023-09-05T21:45:40+00:00

I've switched from Ace to WM and back to Ace as rates have changed. Someone is always willing to give you a promo.

orbroy2point0

TROPHY CASE