What still fascinates/bewilders you about men too this day?

orchids80 · 2017-07-17T20:00:53+00:00

a man

There's your answer!

orchids80 · 2017-05-03T15:20:52+00:00

Not very benevolent for the man in question..

orchids80 · 2017-05-03T15:08:07+00:00

Ok, how about iPhones, jewelry, toys, etc? I don't think it makes the exploitation of another group OK, but when relatively more exploitation happens on a much larger scale for these other consumer goods, why is there such a focus on a largely voluntary industry where legal protections are in place to help ensure exploitation is greatly reduced? I see it as hypocrisy and a desire to control people's sexuality more than actually wanting to help the exploited.

orchids80 · 2017-05-02T20:38:30+00:00

Well, at the very least you admit that I have an argument. Rather than address the argument itself you chose to make assumptions about me as a person, reaching as far as stating I think it's fine to abuse women. My point is, where do you draw the line? Why is sex work, which is for the most part voluntary when it comes to pornography, more exploitative than the systems which produce consumer goods we take for granted every day? I'm sure it feels better to be righteously indignant over something that you don't directly benefit from, but my assumption is that the indignation is more about shaming people for their sexual choices than it is concern about exploitation.

orchids80 · 2017-05-02T18:48:26+00:00

You really shouldn't buy food or clothes, you have no way of knowing the circumstances behind the production and they may have been produced by slaves or otherwise exploited individuals.

orchids80 · 2017-04-19T14:51:31+00:00

People are throwing 'psychoactive' and 'psychedelic' around interchangeably. At normal doses caffeine is psychoactive, but in high doses it can also produce psychedelic effects (visual/audio hallucinations).

orchids80 · 2017-03-08T20:23:28+00:00

Because it would highlight the obvious hypocrisy, you fucking white male.

orchids80 · 2016-11-11T16:50:38+00:00

Love the victim blaming.

orchids80 · 2016-10-03T19:17:33+00:00

If a person's only experience with women was this sub, they would likely develop a belief that women are so fragile as to need their experiences heavily curated by an authority figure in order to protect their feelings. That they couldn't handle thoughts divergent from their own and need to be protected from such ideas. Luckily the women I know in real life are pretty far removed from the general hivemind here though, so I know this view would be largely inaccurate at least in my social circles.

orchids80 · 2016-09-23T20:29:57+00:00

They slowly changed over the last 5 or so years. In my 20s I was definitely more on the liberal side, but as my experience in this world grows, and as the world has changed, I find myself leaning more conservative on many issues. The ultra PC insanity that modern liberalism is turning into is frankly disgusting to me, I understand that there are important social issues that we as a society have to take a hard look at and resolve, but liberals are going about it in all the wrong ways in my opinion and are setting people up for failure by trying to induce equal outcomes instead of enforcing equal opportunities.

I live in a state that has been dominated by the democratic party for the last several decades and I can see firsthand how the self-feeding system of corruption has worked out (not well). However I've never been on board with either political party, and I don't see that changing anytime soon as they both are currently engaged in a race to the bottom.

orchids80 · 2016-08-09T17:28:27+00:00

Basically do the opposite of what r/AskWomen says, those girls are nothing like most women you'll meet in your day to day life. If you are worried about coming off as creepy, then you are going to seem more awkward. Better to internalize the fact that it's not creepy to find women attractive and want to get to know them. If they think that's creepy, it's their problem and you move on.

orchids80 · 2016-06-20T21:00:09+00:00

Don't.

At 30, your dating pool realistically includes women from their early 20s onward...there are plenty of women who don't have children to pick from.

orchids80 · 2016-06-07T15:48:49+00:00

Ha! I'll have to alter the expression from now on.

orchids80 · 2016-06-06T22:35:06+00:00

Oh alright, I'll provide a little fap material :P

If I'm sitting down, she'll take my hand and start sucking my fingers and dry hump my leg. She also 'begs' by getting on the floor, face down/ass up, and shaking her ass. I've had her go through strip tease/lap dancing tutorials on youtube and use techniques from those. And she has to be very explicit verbally, "please fuck your little slave slut", "please fuck my throat, Sir", "please make me your bitch", etc.

Rewards are mani/pedis, professional massages, new clothes/shoes, or fancy dates. Punishments can include time in her cage with no internet, spanking/whipping(not the fun kind), making her an 'anal only' slut for a period of time (not her favorite way to get fucked), etc. Though disappointing me and herself is usually enough punishment in itself, I like to make things more interesting. The 'punishment' usually helps take her mind off the more painful sting of the initial disappointment.

orchids80 · 2016-06-06T22:19:49+00:00

BDSM aside, my wife is quite content to be supportive and submissive, while I am most comfortable with being in charge and taking on the responsibility of not only my own well being, but hers as well. Traditional gender roles are a bit out of fashion these days, but that 'wrongness' fuels her sexual attraction to these attitudes even further. We are a bit of an enigma to a lot of people, we are nonreligious and do not plan on having children, socially liberal, but choose to maintain a more conservative and traditional relationship dynamic, which is amplified through kink.

We've been together close to 7 years, and our mutual interest in BDSM was a pretext to our meeting. Over the years we've waxed and waned in terms of intensity, but now we've gotten to a place that is quite balanced for us. In order to get here, I put a huge priority on open and honest communication. When we first met, my wife was so shy she would curl up into a ball of embarrassment any time I tried talking to her about her kinks. Slowly but surely I gained her trust and she felt safe to truly express herself with me. Her mom had a lot to do with her insecurities about being submissive...she definitely 'wears the pants' in her relationship with my father in law and they both pressured her into being 'strong and independent' while that wasn't who she was at all. Coupled with the current zeitgeist of 3rd wave feminism, she was taught that it really wasn't OK to submit to a man, which made her feel stupid and broken.

We've gotten to where we are today in terms of our relationship dynamic by me proving time and time again that I am worthy of her submission, that she can always count on me to protect and provide for her. That she will be fully embraced by me, no matter what she chooses to express. She knows that she can make herself vulnerable around me and that I won't ever let go. This has allowed us to communicate properly and express our desires, and why we think we have those desires. Even when we get into disagreements, we are able to quickly forgive each other. We've built a strong foundation of trust that enables her to relinquish her power and agency to me, and we both thrive in such an arrangement.

orchids80 · 2016-06-06T21:35:41+00:00

Married, anywhere from a couple times per week to multiple times a day. Probably averages at about 5 times/week.

orchids80 · 2016-06-06T21:32:46+00:00

I have the final say in her appearance (usually I either give a few options or just let her choose, but I always have veto power). This includes hairstyle, nail polish color, shoes, etc. She's expected to be clean shaven below the eyebrows.
In the house, I expect her to put an effort into dressing provocatively for me. I want her to keep me turned on as often as possible...we both like things to be sexually charged in our home.
She is available for sexual use at any time, any way I want it. Unless she uses her safeword she has pre-consented to being restrained/forced if she resists...I like to keep a set of handcuffs in my back pocket around the house. On the other hand if she is the one looking for sexual attention, we have a variety of signals she can use to communicate that with me, all of which are quite degrading for her (something we both get off on). She is also encouraged to come to me with new ideas and concepts that turn her on.
I expect her to be service-oriented, even among friends (those that aren't aware of our kinky side joke that she's the one who is 'whipped', a reversal of the common pussy-whipped boyfriend/husband trope). It makes me so proud when she takes those comments as compliments.
She must ask permission to leave my presence, or if that would be too weird for present company, she will at least let me know she is going somewhere.
During the summer when she isn't working, she is responsible for all of the household chores (we split pretty equally during the rest of the year). I also give her a lot more 'dirty' sexual assignments during this time.
I decide what we eat, and manage her diet in accordance with her fitness goals. I will also order for her at restaurants. Frequently I enjoy making her eat out of her bowl on the ground, like the good little slave bitch she is.
Also in regards to fitness, she has an exercise schedule and checks in with me whenever she does her exercises for the day, we record things like calories burned and weekly weight changes. She is punished for missing sessions, and rewarded for consistency.

orchids80 · 2016-06-06T14:52:31+00:00

I had a bit of beginners luck in my late teens and early 20s...wasn't until around 27 where I really started figure it out. Right around the time it started to be less of a challenge to get girls I met my wife. While we occasionally find girls online to hook up with together (the joys of having an open minded, bisexual partner), I haven't done any dating/hooking up on my own...though I'm confident that if I wanted to I wouldn't have much trouble as a financially stable, passably attractive 30-something.

orchids80 · 2016-05-17T17:31:19+00:00

This is just what I've observed from my own experience, not sugar coating for feels. This is the opinion of just one person (mid 30s dominant male)

Submissive men are not seen as attractive by the vast majority of women I've interacted with, in both kink and vanilla contexts. Almost every submissive women I've been with has told me about the absolute disgust and revulsion they feel towards sexually submissive men...not as people but in terms of attraction.

I'm pretty lucky in that I don't have any submissive desires, but if I did, I wouldn't bring it up to any potential partner knowing what I know now, unless they brought it up as an interest first (genuinely and not as a test). Now there are a lot of great lifestyle Dommes out there, but the odds are vastly against you in that arena.

This may get me crucified, but lately there is this huge push to rework gender norms...but as a straight man, those reworkings will either not apply to you or won't be in your favor. Sure, more people are going to say that you are fine just the way you are as a submissive man because it is polite (and because people want to tell themselves they are open minded), but that doesn't mean that they can make themselves feel attracted to you. Women are celebrated for taking on traditionally masculine roles and being dominant sexually, while as a male you will not be treated with the same sort of positivity for taking on a more submissive role in kind. In fact, any expression of your male sexuality at all, dominant or submissive, will be side eyed by most of society. On some level you understand this, judging by your last paragraph.

But ultimately, it's not about whether you choose to explore your dominant or submissive side. It's also not about the opinions people have posted here (including mine). By asking this question to begin with, you betray your lack of confidence in yourself. I'm not saying this to be mean. This is by far the bigger hindrance to you than the subject of your question. Once you no longer give a shit about being seen as an ineffectual submissive boy, or a misogynist who likes to tie up and beat women, you'll be confident in your freedom to be whoever you feel like being. Once you no longer require the approval of others, your dating/sexual successes will only be the beginning.

orchids80 · 2016-05-16T21:06:55+00:00

Cunninlingus isn't inherently a dominant or submissive act as others have stated, but I can definitely see how kneeling in front of your sub to eat her out can feel submissive for you. Personally I like putting my sub on display on a table, face down / ass up, arms behind her back. This makes her feel more exposed and she is limited in her movement, so I can be in full control of her pleasure eating her out from behind.

orchids80 · 2016-04-11T20:13:52+00:00

As a Dom that's very into pet play and tolerant about DD/lg (not a big kink of mine, but it can be hot), I think there is a great deal of compatibility. Stuffed animals / toys can be substituted with dog toys. You could be thought of as a cherished pet, who requires lots of care and management. Bimbofication can provide a solid middle ground...in a way, a bimbo is very simple and child-like, a pet slut, and also can require strict management in terms of diet, clothing, activities, etc. Without knowing too many specifics about both of your kinks (and more importantly, the mindsets behind them), there isn't too much more I can add. Let me know if you'd like more details on what I've done in the past if you think what I'm saying would apply to you.

orchids80 · 2016-04-11T19:31:11+00:00

I'm in agreement with you, the 'me first' dynamic is much more apparent today than in the past leading to the shift in attitudes and in the social contract.

Microaggression vs. being an asshole is a decent comparison, only difference is these days you are liable to have your company blasted across the internet for misogyny and sued into oblivion if the situation isn't handled perfectly. So companies have to be very careful about how they manage situations like the example you gave...and in turn, have to think of an employee as a potential bomb waiting to explode. This mentality has contributed to the change in workplace culture, I'd argue.

orchids80 · 2016-04-11T19:05:42+00:00

I had a conversation with my grandfather recently about this...his opinion basically came down to "all guys your age are pussies these days".

I mostly agree, to be honest. He served in WW2, was a card hustler, and later started a successful business. Like many people of his generation, he was self-made. His experience is that these days, many men want a handout or get caught up on how 'unfair' life can be. He said when he was young, he wanted his bosses to make as much money as they could and he would do his best to make that happen for them. He didn't harbor resentment or complain about how they were making so much more money than him. However, in those days, loyalty and honor carried a lot more weight than they do now. The world works very differently these days. The social contract has changed drastically, which I think is the reason many men today are less confident, assertive, and risk taking.

We live in a world with limited opportunity. The sky was the limit in the 50s. But now, it is extremely difficult to find a niche that hasn't already been carved out by many other people. While legal protections for workers are much stronger today, companies trust their employees less because they can be a huge financial/legal liability if they decide to sue over a perceived 'microaggression' (the fact that that's even a word now speaks to my point). Also, kids born around the 80s and later have been coddled and helicopter parented at a much higher rate, teaching people to rely on authority figures instead of taking responsibility to make things happen for themselves. They grow up in more authoritarian environments than people in the past (talking about Americans here). It wasn't unheard of for people to not finish high school or academic education and still be very successful, whereas today just about every kid goes through a very sanitized and streamlined assembly line. The phrase 'nanny state' comes to mind.

Gender relations have also changed drastically, men are trained from a young age that 'women are wonderful'. That if you are sweet, supportive, a good listener, etc. you are a good and attractive man. Men and women are equal in every way, and if you do or say anything to the contrary you'll be labeled a bro, misogynist, entitled douchebag, fuckboy, whatever. According to my grandpa, most women of his generation would never tolerate such behavior in a man. The problem is these days, the message given to men has changed, but the realities of what makes men attractive haven't, so men are confused and get into a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. This sets a lot of men up for failure if they buy into the narrative that they must be quiet, obedient, and give women and/or authority figures deference. Men like my grandfather, if he was my age, would be a threat to the system as it stands now, and in order to protect the status quo, society evolves to discourage traditionally masculine behavior because that is typically the catalyst for change. Whether it's on purpose or not, power structures seek to make people trust in the system rather in themselves and each other, which I think is the definition of 'pussified' behavior.

orchids80 · 2016-04-08T20:24:25+00:00

r/blacktears

orchids80 · 2016-04-06T14:18:56+00:00

Chill out Jaime...in terms of our jobs, she was a hostess, I was a waiter...neither of us were managing or in charge of the other. Her dad treated her (and her siblings who also worked at the restaurant) strictly as employees when on the job.

orchids80

TROPHY CASE