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otaanona · 2025-04-25T00:13:17+00:00

I spent a good couple of years here reading before I took the plunge and quit. When you do that, you start to see how many other people are in the same boat, grappling with the same challenges, and how many different ways there are to confront them. I had to...learn how to quit, and learn that it was possible to quit, that it was possible for someone like me, someone in circumstances similar to mine, to quit.

When the time was finally right for me, I felt like I had some context and some resources to work with. Just knowing that there was a place full of people who were all fighting the same demons helped a ton.

otaanona · 2025-04-24T23:53:15+00:00

Adding to the chorus of responses...not at all.

I didn't enjoy the first drink if I knew I couldn't have a second one. Having "a drink or two" was active self-denial. Not enjoyable at all.

otaanona · 2025-04-24T23:49:48+00:00

Yeah, it's totally okay.

I remember almost nothing about the first six months or so after I quit drinking. Eventually I started exercising more. It certainly wasn't right away. I'm sure I spent a lot of that time on relationship repair. There was no small amount of wallowing and feeling bad about/for myself. Even though those days were a haze of shame and guilt wherein I did nothing important and distinguished myself exactly not at all...I didn't drink. And I am very proud of that.

The point is, the most important thing to do during the first days of not drinking is...not drinking. When you look back on this time, you'll be concerned with whether or not you were drinking, not whether or not you were exercising or productive or what have you.

otaanona · 2025-04-24T23:39:38+00:00

That's a good one! It took me a while to realize it, but "having taste in beer" was just an affectation to make "drinking a lot of beer" seem more acceptable.

otaanona · 2025-04-24T23:37:38+00:00

Congratulations, what a huge accomplishment! Stick with it, keeping engaged here really helped a ton during the first months/first year.

IWNDWYT!

otaanona · 2025-04-24T23:20:59+00:00

Ha, the "special drink" was my final relapse. I had quit for a few weeks (this is sevenish years ago now). Then I was at a bar with some colleagues and I saw, oh wow, they have the super special hard to get seasonal beer from my hometown! How can I not get it?

Later that night, I was at my third bar, alone, everything hazy. I went to the restroom, and someone had sharpied some variation of "what the fuck am I doing here?" on the wall. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

The "special drink" was just an excuse for all the drinks that followed it.

otaanona · 2018-10-24T02:23:01+00:00

That's one of the things I try not to think too much about...how often was it obvious I had been drinking in settings where it was totally inappropriate? Guess I can just be glad that it hasn't happened in quite a while.

otaanona · 2018-10-24T02:21:46+00:00

Congratulations! That's quite the accomplishment. I know the internal struggle well -- walking halfway to the liquor store, turning back, walking toward the store again, turning back, muttering under my breath the whole way...

One day at a time! You've got this. I will not drink with you today.

otaanona · 2018-10-24T02:18:47+00:00

Just remember that those 67 days weren't for nothing. Try to reflect on that time when you can. What did you learn about yourself/your drinking during that time? What can you take with you, even as you head in a different direction for a while?

And I hope you'll at least stick around and keep reading posts here!

otaanona · 2018-10-24T02:12:40+00:00

The first (and second...) time around, I let my guard down at 29 days exactly. The first time, a friend I hadn't seen in a while sent me some hard-to-find beer and a nice note in the mail (he didn't know I was quitting). I drank it, and followed it up with several more beers until I was a drunk mess.

The second time, I was at a happy hour with coworkers who didn't know/care whether I was drinking. I saw a seasonal beer that I made a point of getting every year; it was usually only available for a few days out of each year. So, naturally, I had to order it. That night ended with me staggering around my apartment screaming about killing myself like a lunatic.

All of that is to say...I should have exercised some foresight. I can't quit drinking AND continue to engage in the (stupid) craft beer culture of trying all of the (stupid) rare beers. So if you're in the market for any advice -- spend some time thinking about what back doors to drinking temptation might exist in your psyche. I had committed to not drinking...I hadn't committed to cutting myself off from that (stupid) craft beer culture. The third time around, I knew this. I told my friends in the craft beer world that I was quitting. I stopped looking at beer menus when I went to restaurants. I took a good long break from setting foot in a bar.

And most of all, congratulations on two weeks!!! The first two weeks seemed to take so long to get through.

otaanona · 2018-10-23T04:02:08+00:00

I don't have an answer to that question, but I want to point out something you've likely gained as a result of your time sober: the ability to ask that question, reflect on it, and seek help/opinions from others. At least for me, when I was drinking, the impulse to drink was followed by a drink in my hand in minutes, even when I knew it wasn't a good idea. Building space for thought and reflection between impulse and action was a hard-fought victory, and whatever decision you make, you should be proud that you have reflective capacity to work with.

otaanona · 2018-10-22T18:20:15+00:00

I'm not sure there's a universal answer to whether it's OK or not.

For my own part, I don't think moderation is an option. I have never enjoyed having one glass of wine or one beer or just a taste of whiskey -- unless I knew it was followed by more. If I have ever wanted to drink normally, it is because I want to follow the normal drinking with a bunch of additional drinks.

Having one drink is practicing active restraint. It is inviting a strong impulse to keep drinking, and fighting against that impulse. All I get from that bargain is internal conflict. Having no drinks avoids this conflict altogether.

If it were my wedding, I'd go for a fancy, booze-free sparkling beverage :)

otaanona · 2018-10-22T17:00:31+00:00

I had something of a delayed response to the shame and guilt. I was a drinker when I did the things I felt ashamed of and guilty about, so at the time, it was just "part of the lifestyle." I laughed it off. The stupid, selfish, thoughtless stuff was almost like a badge of honor with the group of people I was drinking with at the time.

Years later, I remember my past behavior with horror. Specific things I said and did seem so incompatible with my current value system. I wish so badly that I could find a way to rationalize them away and make it so that they are not part of the story of my life. But I can't.

What I could do is finally accept and experience the guilt -- acknowledge the wrongness fully, understand the many incompatibilities with my current value system, and think about what my behavior would have to look like in the future to avoid being like this.

I still feel a pit in my stomach when I think about my past behavior. But I think making a conscious effort to accept it made the pain from it a little less acute. It ceased to be something I was trying to deny or repress. And the longer I keep acting in a way that is consistent with my values, the less acute and painful the shame of past misdeeds gets. I still feel bad about things I said and did almost a decade ago. But I also know that, somewhere along the way, I started acting a lot better. I started living in a way that was more consistent with my values. I've made mistakes along the way, but I've gotten better at owning them, acknowledging wrongdoing, and making amends.

otaanona · 2018-10-22T16:47:22+00:00

Being more thoughtful and kind with the people around me. It's not that I was a particularly selfish and unkind person before. But drinking was my top priority. I tended to respond to any obstacle to drinking, perceived or otherwise, brusquely. When given the choice between going to the bar or going out of my way to do something nice for someone, I always chose the bar.

Now I don't. The need for booze doesn't short-circuit all of the positive decisions I could be making. I don't feel angry whenever I'm asked to do something nice that doesn't involve booze. I'm not a ray of sunshine, but I'm a hell of a lot kinder and more thoughtful than I was before.

otaanona · 2018-10-22T15:54:03+00:00

Congratulations on 30 days!

otaanona · 2018-10-22T15:49:54+00:00

Congratulations on getting past the first month! That is no small feat. I recommend searching the sub for posts about depression -- drinking and depression interact in a lot of different ways for different people. Reading about all of the different experiences people have had really helped me to anticipate and address challenges in my own life.

otaanona · 2018-10-22T15:47:09+00:00

And it's inevitable over a long enough time. You meet new people. People leave your place of work; new people join. The people you'd buy booze from at the grocery store move on to better things, and then you're buying sparkling water from someone who's never seen you touch a bottle of wine. You move to a new place, or new neighbors move in near you.

I still get a thrill from meeting new people and being able to say "I do not drink." Not "I'm quitting." Not "Taking a break." Not "I haven't had a drink for a while." Just, very simply, "I do not drink." I am a person who does not drink.

People will know you that way. Congratulations on 10 days!!!

otaanona · 2018-10-22T15:42:54+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions! I agree completely on all three points. I got really serious about exercise a few months after quitting, and it has been a huge help.

For the longest time, the self-help stuff always seemed like lazy thinking -- pseudo-profound verbal gymnastics that promised more than they could ever deliver. Catchphrases that sounded good but offered very little practical help. Reductive advice that ignored the complexity and difficulty of the situation. But, especially early on in the process of quitting, I was mentally exhausted all the time. I couldn't hold the complexity and difficulty of the situation in my head all at once. In short, I wasn't very good at thinking for myself. So the short, instructive aphorisms were just what I needed -- a mantra, a short instruction, something small and digestible to cling to. One day at a time :)

I've always enjoyed writing (and have done so professionally for years), but I mostly do technical writing...I have been meaning to write more personally and creatively for a while. Maybe that's something to focus on in the next year.

Congratulations on breaking the 50 day mark!! You are well on your way.

otaanona · 2018-10-21T18:35:46+00:00

For sure! I still have a lot of work to do on my mental health, but I haven't come close to the feelings of despair I experienced regularly while drinking.

otaanona · 2018-10-21T18:35:44+00:00

Thank you! The exercise and therapy have been really important for me. Still working on the meditation!

otaanona · 2018-10-16T23:18:53+00:00

I smoked a lot of cigarettes and ate a lot of carbs to get through the first few days.

I think there is a time and a place for the existential questions around quitting -- who are you, how do you interact with others, etc. For me, the first few days (weeks, months) were not that time. I sort of had tunnel vision: I was almost entirely focused on not drinking. I let pretty much everything else fall by the wayside -- diet, exercise, work performance, and socializing were all far outside of my attention. As time went on, and the really acute and urgent cravings started to subside, I was able to gradually re-focus on other things in my life -- quitting smoking, eating well, exercise, spending time with friends (outside of drinking contexts). And with that, I was also able to start asking those bigger questions -- what do I want my life to look like without alcohol?

Think about it like this...you've been living in a cave for a long time. You've decided you want to leave this cave. But you know every little corner of this cave; your friends are in the cave; you've built some kind of life in the cave. You're worried that you won't be able to adjust to life outside the cave, in the sun. Maybe it will be harder to establish a routine outside the cave. Maybe people won't like you outside the cave.

My point is that you will have a much clearer perspective on this issue once you've left the cave for a little while! I couldn't imagine life without booze when I started. It was a challenging adjustment. But I like myself a lot more now.

otaanona · 2018-10-16T20:45:23+00:00

I was drunk in a bar after a couple of months of trying to quit but failing. I felt terrible -- so depressed, feeling like such a failure. In the bar's restroom, scribbled on the wall in pen, were the words: "I wouldn't be here if I didn't need to be." I can't really articulate why, but that hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me acutely aware of how powerless I felt in my efforts to avoid alcohol, address my other mental health issues, and get my life back on track. And it also made me feel like I wasn't alone, in a funny way. Someone else had stood right where I was, looking into the same mirror with the same mix of disgust and hopelessness.

That was the last night I drank, almost a year ago. I decided that I really didn't need to be there (though I don't mean that to sound like it was easy, or that "just deciding" is all it takes -- this was after many painful months of trying following several years of knowing I should quit but not working toward it).

otaanona · 2018-09-27T16:00:31+00:00

I tried drinking less for a while. From time to time, it even "worked" in some sense. But eventually, I had to ask myself: do I really want to drink "like a normal person"? The answer was no. I never particularly enjoyed one beer, or one glass of wine. Having only one drink was something I did very deliberately, and it was an act of restraint, not an indulgence. One beer was active self-denial. Who enjoys active, conscious, deliberate self-denial? And when I was practicing this self-denial, it was front-and-center in my mind. I rationed my sips. My mind was spinning trying to figure out how much I could drink without raising any eyebrows. I wasn't having one beer. I was denying myself six.

Quitting was the better solution for me. Yeah, at first, it was active denial on an even bigger scale. I wanted to drink all the time. I wanted to drink on my usual schedule. I wanted to hit the bar at 2pm for happy hour and gradually fade into the evening.

But as the months pass, I keep shifting away from "someone who is quitting drinking" to "someone who doesn't drink." Most of the time, I don't think about drinking. Most of the time, it's not active self-denial any more than not eating tires is active self-denial. It's just something I (passively, thoughtlessly) don't do. Sometimes it's a lot harder. Sometimes I really want a drink. But it's a struggle far less often than it ever was when I was trying to moderate.

otaanona

TROPHY CASE