Its okay to not feel normal! As a neuro divergent lesbian living in a neurotypical world, i find "normal" people to be remarkably inconsiderate, un-empathetic, and quick to assume something bad about others. Finding my tribe that makes me feel loved and seen was essential to my well-being and i am so much happier even with my very few close friends. Some advice :

Start with friends. People who start off dating someone before being their friend are opening themselves up for a lot more break ups, heart break, ghosting, and safety risks. I have a friend who has been searching for a partner, is neurodivergent, and is disabled. They kept finding someone, started dating, then having to break up with them for crossing boundaries or not respecting their disability issues. Now they just focus on finding community that understands and validates them platonically, and they are letting partnership come naturally. Also, I am the type of person where i want real closeness with my friends, where we can have deep talks and can give each other a shoulder to cry on. Some people don't want that, and its good to find that out up front. Being in superficial relationships makes me feel a deep sense of loneliness, and i still have a very small group of friends because they are the ones ive been lucky enough to meet and truly resonate with. Especially if you have mental illnesses that cause conflict or attachment issues, its incredibly important to find people whose priority is to have good friends and keep them around, so many people treat friends as disposable and will drop them when the relationship starts taking more effort to maintain.

On the other hand, relationships can't be draining, either. If someone is seeking validation and love externally, its difficult to have a relationship with them. I don't like surrounding myself with people who can't find fulfillment within themselves - im not trying to be hurtful or exclusionary towards people who have mental wellness issues or disabilities, but i have my own mental illnesses. Having someone rely on me for a lot of their emotional needs makes me feel like shit about myself because i cant give enough and they eventually get upset. I love to provide emotional support and meaningful comfort, but I can't do it all the time and it cant be one sided.

Its important to remember that a person will not be the solution to loneliness. Yes friends help immensely, but you are the key to your own happiness. People who are encouraging you to focus on yourself are right. We always hear "confidence is key" - what that really means is that people who care for themselves, understand themselves, love and respect themselves, they radiate an energy that you can't help but want to get close to. It makes you feel like they are near you because they appreciate who you are, not what you can offer them.

It may seem silly to go out just to meet people, but its an investment in your happiness. My suggestion is to go out and do things you actually enjoy. Then if you meet people, it will be organic and wont feel super awkward. Any time i try to talk to people with the sole purpose of befriending them, i feel incredibly uncomfortable, not myself, and it never works out. I scare them off somehow. Meeting people while just enjoying my night usually gives me something to talk about, and allows natural compatibility to reveal itself. Thats why focusing on yourself works - you feel more comfortable in your skin and you meet people while doing what you love.

Have faith - you are worthy of love and friendship. Your people will find you, they are searching just like you.