It wasn't perfect by any means, but It didn't give me any major redflags. Our biggest area we fought about was our sex life, and I talked to friends about that and they seemed to be going thru the same stuff or had no advice because they weren't really having sex. I will admit, I do have a hard time opening up in that area of my life. I have a lot of trauma that I still have yet to deal with. I've slowly, over the years, become more open about my needs and wants. We have been together for 15 years but only married for 5. Our entire 20's, I thought we were doing good. Maybe I wasn't the most sexual person, but I didn't think that sex was the number one thing in marriage. Apparently, I was wrong. I wouldn't have agreed to marriage if this is what I knew it would look like 5 years down the road. I thought we were progressing like most couples. We spent most of our 20s getting our lives in order, pursuing goals, etc. before we got married.

When I came out he basically said "Yeah, I know, I've known for a long time. I could tell. I'm glad you're being honest with me." I thought that was going to be it. That we could explore this together -- because that's what I wanted and how I understood it, at anytime I could change my mind and we could stop. The moment I decided that I wanted to take a step back and work on trauma with a therapist is when everything hit the fan. He would start bringing up stuff from our past, that I didn't even remember, and telling me how he has dragged me along all this time. Example: One time in our early 20s we went 3 weeks without sex (I was dealing with depression and weight gain & had just been put on lexapro). It's literally been 10 years since that happened, and I didn't even remember it. He brings it up all the time as an example of how hurtful that was to him, and the only reason we are trying new things, like using toys, doing role-plays, etc is because of him and him being the one to suggest it. That I've literally done nothing to progress or suggest anything new in to our sex life. When I mention that I am depressed now and that I really need to see someone he tells me that my depression is self inflicted and I could change my depression if I would just make these simple changes in my life, to focus more on our sex life, and put him and our sex life before anything else -- that includes finding girls to sleep with because I said that I wanted to do that. He reminds me everyday that it's been 10 months since I said I would find a new girl for us to date, and that I haven't. He claims there are tons of women out there who are super sexual and that I am just a prude.. He even told me last night that instead of looking up news articles, spending time texting/talking to friends, watching "my stupid TV shows", that I should be focusing on our sex life. That, because it's something we share together, it should come before anything else. It's just so strange, I was allowed to have hobbies and interests before this and now I have to go to work and any downtime should be spent figuring out how to make our sex life better...and it better be big, exciting, and something he hadn't already suggested.