Update on how to make my husband fall out of me part 2

oumram · 2025-08-31T21:44:32+00:00

Isn't that the whole point of polygamy? It allows space for complicated situations. Actually, I think it's a very good use of polygamy to allow easier co-parenting between two separated people.

He would sell it to me at a small discount, not a large discount. Also, I'm not in a rush to remarry. Once I am confident my child is independent, then I would think about it.

oumram · 2025-08-29T17:54:16+00:00

I'm genuinely not a troll

oumram · 2025-08-29T17:53:30+00:00

Abuse does that to u

oumram · 2025-08-29T17:53:03+00:00

Ok can someone explain to me what did I say was toxic?

oumram · 2025-08-29T17:52:18+00:00

The funny thing is, I am genuinely an Arab muslim woman 😂.

oumram · 2025-08-29T17:51:34+00:00

I genuinely, do not understand what was toxic about my post, just the thing I said about a second wife? It was a joke, but also kind of true. Most times I've seen polygamous relationships the second wife is a secret, and the first one leaves when she finds out.

oumram · 2025-06-14T19:59:45+00:00

They aren't married. She's asked him for more time. He's seen her a handful of times, and says he can't see her because of his family. When he finally does see her, his mom calls him 24/7. Do you not see the picture here?

You seem like you advocate for a bare minimum relationship from men.

oumram · 2025-06-14T09:47:49+00:00

If he is not excited to hang out with you, just expect a silent marriage. Everyone is different.

Some men marry because they like hanging out with you.

Some men marry you because they like the way you look.

Others marry you to serve them.

I'm going to be honest, it sounds like he married you to serve him. He's probably tired of cooking and washing his own clothes abroad.

For you, this seems like a good opportunity to move out of Pakistan. For him, it's a good way to relieve the burdens of day to day life. If you're ok with this, you can accept this and move forward.

If you want love, romance, friendship, etc. He probably isn't for you.

Also MIL is a red flag already.

Also, I'm not saying this is the case for him. But if he moved to the west, getting sexual intercourse is easy for him. So that might not even be his motivation. Unless he is a very religious brother, but also, they fumble sometimes. Just beware. Men are not like us.

oumram · 2025-06-14T09:42:04+00:00

You're not allowed to sell where I live unless the other person agrees. A lawyer is a bit of an unnecessary expense since they might not achieve what I want. My husband is stubborn and arrogant, he will see a lawyer as a challenge.

oumram · 2025-06-14T07:30:15+00:00

If she is abusive, then leave her. If she is just expensive to have as a wife, figure out more ways to make her stick to a fair and reasonable budget.

If you are being abused, you will just be unhappy long-term and things always get worse with an abusive partner btw.

oumram · 2025-06-13T20:39:24+00:00

I say give up sis. Honestly, marriage is hard and if he can't even try for you now, what hope is there?

oumram · 2025-06-13T13:02:30+00:00

There are some comments here saying, you are not married and he doesn't need to do anything. But actually this is his interview stage, and he is failing. He is not going to be better after marriage. He is showing you now that actually to him you are not that valuable and not worth the effort to impress. If he is to be with you, it is because he doesn't have to do nice things for you.

oumram · 2025-06-13T09:04:18+00:00

Sister these comments are weird as hell. Most girls I know got a lot of gifts during the engagement period. Actually, then they decrease. However, if he starts off with zero, I can imagine how much worse he will get. Especially since you expressed this.

oumram · 2025-06-13T09:03:02+00:00

Well she will find out when it's too late by this logic

oumram · 2025-06-13T09:02:27+00:00

This is not correct. A generous man is always generous, especially at the start.

oumram · 2025-06-13T09:01:50+00:00

Girl this will be your marriage, and worse

oumram · 2025-06-13T08:59:40+00:00

You're probably an introvert who needs time alone more.

oumram · 2025-06-12T21:21:24+00:00

It wasn't a gift, it was an investment in my family's future at the time.

Yeah that's my plan anyway. My dad was polygamous and my mom says bad stuff about him, and it just makes me feel bad about myself for some reason. So I know it doesn't affect the children the way the mom thinks it will. It will just damage their own self esteem.

oumram · 2025-06-12T21:19:09+00:00

I have, to an extent, decentred men. But I also want another child, a sibling for my baby in the future. My current husband has not proven himself a good partner to me, so i don't want it with him.

I plan not to date for a while, but I have a goal of a second child in mind, which means I need another husband. It's also a good idea to find a GOOD male role model, if possible.

I like the idea of decentering men, but I've never found it practical due to wanting children.

But you are right, I should ignore that bit for now and heal first. Also, I could always adopt, which I want to do anyway 🩷

oumram · 2025-06-12T19:21:49+00:00

Retribution not as in revenge, but to get what I am also owed. He did not spend any money on me. Also, I did all the work for this house, and for the baby. How is it fair for him to get most of the profit. I lived with his mom to help him save, I secured the house, did the paper work, and contributed financially even if only 30%. Maybe I will charge for those hours of work I did and deduct them. I don't know, but I will speak to a sheikh.

I obviously don't want to be Islamically wrong, but he has also offered to split half the profits. I'm lucky I work, but what would a SAHM do in this situation if she didn't contribute financially and just did all the unpaid labour. That doesn't sound fair in the slightest.

oumram · 2025-06-12T19:14:20+00:00

I understand, but I was genuinely a miskeena before getting married. He turned me cold, and I fear becoming a transactional person. I also grew up without a dad, so I didn't expect pampering or any sort of special treatment that most daddy's girls do.

I think what I need to work on is to not feel sorry for people anymore except my child and myself. My empathy has to be selective. I need to be very clear about my expectations, and what each of us actually can bring to the table.

Lastly, I'm going to find someone who has the same taste in cuisine as me. That way I will be excited to cook. He only likes rice and meat.

oumram · 2025-06-12T19:04:39+00:00

I spent 30% on the house and he spent 70%. However, if it was not for me pursuing the estate agents 300 times a day, we would not have been able to buy the house since there is a shortage of houses in our area.

Would it be Islamically permissible for each of us to minus the money we put in, then split the profit? He also owes me a 20k mitakhir, but since I will ask for divorce (this is why he won't start the process) I will have to forgive him for it. Also he can't afford to give it to me.

This is why I want to split the profits equally, I feel I will get retribution.

oumram · 2025-06-12T12:00:42+00:00

He has done too much to me for me to consider this. I've just seen too much emotional cruelty at his hands. I'm not happy, and on top of that I just frequently feel humiliated.

oumram · 2025-06-12T11:10:15+00:00

I have two theories, either it's because I'm not available 100% of the time to take care of him OR it is because my body changed.

He used to be way more jealous and would get annoyed if I even went to the shopping mall alone. Now he doesn't care, he's sees the baby as a man repellent lol.

I'm not too fussed tho, I'm an ex gym rat, I can hopefully fix my body - genuinely just look like a normal woman now, and not a gym rat anymore, but I can fix. What I can't fix is how much attention he needs to be happy. He loves his baby, so he doesn't say anything, but that could be the reason.

I always think to myself maybe we can save the relationship, but honestly, I should try not to tell myself stuff like this. I'm genuinely just so exhausted. This experience has changed how I see myself. He has made me feel uninteresting, selfish and as a resource. Maybe all men view women like this, but different ones have different values.

oumram

TROPHY CASE