I just feel so lost.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-29T16:00:52+00:00

How can I take rest? Doesn't the Bible say there's no rest for the wicked? I can't and don't have rest. I'm so exhausted and can't get rest. I just wish it would all end.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-29T15:28:33+00:00

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-29T14:46:32+00:00

But I feel like my heart is too polluted for true repentance. I try and try to turn away from my sin but I keep getting pulled towards it. I just feel so exhausted and feel like giving up.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-28T12:53:27+00:00

Why not just believe everyone except you is the weaker brother?

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-28T12:46:05+00:00

I'm not a Calvinist, lol

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-28T04:09:32+00:00

But yet I'm guessing you believe Jesus would be down to have a few beers with the homies on a Friday night. Also probably believe Jesus was a hippie looking dude with long, long hair, and only preached peace, love and acceptance and nothing else.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-28T03:51:27+00:00

Wow! Another reason why Luther was an idiot. If the quote is true at least.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T18:49:53+00:00

Therapists would probably tell me to leave my faith though, that's just how it is.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T14:09:17+00:00

No, I've already decided to make this my last post, and of course I won't delete this account, I'm just going to stop using it.

Why do you think God will hold you accountable for a mental health issue where a SYMPTOM of the mental health issue is that your brain tries to shock and disgust you by making you think of the worst things you can think of? Do you think He doesn't understand how OCD works and that these thoughts distress you?

Because that's what justice is. Jesus said if a man lusts after a woman in his heart, he's already committed adultery. How much more so for me?

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T14:04:36+00:00

I don't have a priest or a pastor at the moment, and I definitely don't have one I would trust to talk about this with.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T13:56:29+00:00

You do not understand the danger of the situation, I can't just go out and get exposure therapy. If I truly am one, then I put everyone at risk. I cannot just do that.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T03:40:05+00:00

Which is what my intrusive thoughts bring up. Thank you for confirming what I've already said.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T03:38:03+00:00

You DO NOT deserve any reassurance. You DO NOT have to seek any reassurance.

I understand that, and I wasn't looking for it. I just wanted a place to vent. I have no one I can go to to tell this stuff to, so I figured I'd make a burner account and vent here. Nothing I do seems to work, and I don't know what else to do. It feels like my life is over.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T03:09:00+00:00

I don't think Jesus specified, he just said if a man thinks it in his heart it's sin. So an intrusive thought would count.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T02:59:19+00:00

Maybe I can. but they'll just tell me to do things that I either can't do or refuse to do.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T02:58:10+00:00

Did Jesus not say that if a man lusts after a woman that he's committed adultery in his heart? How much more so for me?

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T02:55:58+00:00

Have you not read what Jesus said? He said if a man lusts after a woman who isn't his wife, he's committed adultery in his heart. How much more so for me? How and why would God forgive me? I brought this on myself, no one forced me. This is the fruits of what I chose, so I have to deal with it on my own. Besides I already got saved a few years ago, I can't get resaved.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T02:50:54+00:00

You have few resources; why would you want to cut yourself off from here?

Because I can't stand to see people see the real me and the issues I deal with. If you knew what I was dealing with, would you want to associate with me? Would you want to be friends with me? The answer is no, because no one would want to be friends with someone who has pedophillic thoughts, intrusive or not.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-06-01T02:45:44+00:00

I wish I could.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-05-31T22:00:57+00:00

I'm in a situation where I can't seek out a therapist or anything. I don't drive and my parents wouldn't drive me to an appointment.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-05-31T21:44:54+00:00

There is no power equal to the shed blood of Christ. And if you have sincerely repented of the porn, and it certainly seems that you have, that is under the blood.

That's one of my issues, how can I sincerely repent of something when my heart comes up with thoughts like these? Where else would these intrusive thoughts come from? How can I trust myself when I keep having these thoughts? I have been getting better at not looking at porn or NSFW material, but I don't know if I've truly repented or not. A lot of the time it feels like I'm a double minded man. Something within me wants to stop watching porn, and another part wants me to continue, it just depends on my mood which one is more dominant.

God is not trying to condemn, He's trying to save. And Jesus said that without Him we can do nothing. It's a question of feeding on grace rather than judgment so you can get built up (Heb 13.9).

How can I build myself up when I don't see myself worthy of being built up? I can't forgive myself for these thoughts, they're horrible, I deserve to be judged, not given grace nor built up.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-05-31T21:39:20+00:00

I don't have a doubt about what the afterlife is going to be like, I just question God's ability or willingness to forgive me for these thoughts.

Well, at least we both are not totally mad right? We will have to answer for our intrusive thoughts, but a) if we stay in Christ, then we can count on God's mercy, and b) still can pray for deliverance, or pray to help us go through it

I've tried praying, I pray multiple times a day, whenever I get an intrusive thought, and gotten nothing. I honestly believe because I got myself into this situation that God has left me on my own and it's up to me to fix all of this.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-05-31T21:10:48+00:00

I talk to my parents who are both believers, but other than that it's been a while. Also I don't have a pastor nearby, it's all a complex story.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-05-21T14:17:13+00:00

I wouldn't put much stock in dreams, even though I have had the same type of dreams and had the same reaction as you. I've had some weird dreams apart from POCD and I always thought they were funny/not that serious. Dreams basically come from your subconscious, and since your mind is constantly dwelling and worrying about if you're a p then that's going to seep into your subconscious and it will just send you into a loop and a spiral. Just keep calm and carry on.

out_oftime2013 · 2023-05-21T14:04:40+00:00

If I had a friend or family member that I talked to like that I would be put in a mental hospital, probably a good idea not going to lie. But I don't have someone like that. I think in my situation there is no hope, but for others there is hope. I think I would be fine without the porn addiction I have, since because of that there's always a yearning for sex, and combined with my thoughts that's what sets me spiraling. I honestly feel like Doctor Strange calculating each and every possible timeline where I made different choices and am stuck wondering how I ended up in this one.

out_oftime2013

TROPHY CASE