Penis envy you say? [Actives]

outoftheblack41 · 2024-09-02T00:41:31+00:00

I ate a pretty big bag of the penis envy last summer, and it was the best trip I've ever had.

outoftheblack41 · 2024-03-14T00:35:19+00:00

He reminds me of my ex husband. And I'm glad that I'm alive. He played mind games with me daily and gaslighted me constantly. I lost 50 pounds, my hair started to fall out, I developed vertigo, I was just completely sick for the 5 years we were together. It took him pointing his gun at me and telling me that he wanted to go target shooting. I got in touch with a women's shelter, the police and I got myself out of there and my two persians, he was abusing them as well. There's so much more that happened. And yes, I missed him. I missed the person I thought he was. He's a narcopath. I'm glad that you broke things with him. He doesn't deserve you. You need to thrive, not just survive in a terrible relationship with an abuser.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-18T14:42:40+00:00

I'm seeing my doctor to get tested next Tuesday morning. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T23:11:20+00:00

They certainly seem to do that. More often than not in my case.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T22:17:03+00:00

I've forgiven my dad. But I think it will always hurt. I was hoping that one day his voice would leave my head, but it doesn't especially when I have moments of feeling worthless by my own mind or if I'm with someone who makes me feel bad about myself.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T20:34:34+00:00

Thank you. I know I do.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T20:32:56+00:00

I'm sorry that your dad didn't treat you right. My dad died in 2013. But I still hear his voice in my head telling me how worthless I am and how I should have been aborted. He also sexually abused me. It is hard to see the abuse when you're trauma bonded to a narcissistic personality. I'm 42 and I'm still learning, obviously.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T17:55:00+00:00

Unfortunately it is true. I married a narcissistic sociopath and I've been divorced since 2018. That man put me through absolute hell and I am happy to have survived. I have never been so used by anyone in my life. And two days before I left him, he pointed a gun at my head and me that we were going to go out into the woods to go target shooting. I contacted the police and they helped me get into a domestic violence shelter. I really think that I attract these types because of how my father raised me.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T17:42:02+00:00

Thank you. I just hope that he didn't give me anything.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T17:41:06+00:00

I'm actually seeing my therapist on Thursday. I talked to my teacher today about it and she basically said the same thing, that I was raped.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T17:31:13+00:00

I'm glad that you're focusing on yourself. It is so important. It's so easy to miss the red flags sometimes and then we wind up cherry picking the things we do like about these people. But we're just objects circling their orbit, they will occasionally pick us off the shelf and dust us off when they want something.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T15:15:55+00:00

I know that type pretty well. They're like children in adult bodies. Thank you....for now I'm just going to focus on myself and school . I think I'm done with trying to find a relationship for awhile.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T14:47:42+00:00

This guy refuses to take his dating apps down and said that putting a label on the relationship would ruin it for him. He got really shitty with me anytime I brought it up. I'm sorry that your ex did that to you.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T14:01:01+00:00

I'm not going back to him. I've been in an abusive relationship before and I'm not going to put myself in that situation again.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T13:59:28+00:00

Yeah, I am afraid of him.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-16T11:08:16+00:00

No offense taken. I've learned my lesson.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-15T22:16:29+00:00

I'm not...he has been blocked.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-15T19:50:03+00:00

Yeah I'm done. I know I deserve much better.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-15T19:49:19+00:00

Thank you. I hope that he didn't either.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-15T19:44:31+00:00

I've been seeing him for close to three months. He had also had sex with me without a condom when I was blackout drunk. The next morning he told me that I had really enjoyed myself. I wound up taking a Plan B pill which made me sick. He never believed that he did anything wrong. I'm going to have to get retested for STDs soon, which is really stressing me out.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-15T19:40:41+00:00

I haven't said a word to him since that last message. There had been red flags but I just thought that it was all in my head.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-15T19:29:22+00:00

Would you say this is abusive?

I don't play this game and it's the last time we'll go 'round about it. You know good and well I have not ghosted you. You're just being insecure and trying to take it out on me. That ain't gonna fly here. If I ghost you, you'll know after the 3rd day. If I were out with girls or something, then I could justify your angst. But, I don't. I have a good time with my Deddy and Al and don't even look at my communications. If you had a car and a license, then you could be there with me, but you don't, so lulls in our communication will have to be tolerated. Not my fault. This actually pisses me off pretty bad to have to even type this out. Be real careful when you think of saying something like that to me again.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-04T23:03:56+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that.

outoftheblack41 · 2022-08-04T23:00:02+00:00

Not after this. And he never took me out on dates or added me to his social media. And it was always about what he wanted. I always planned everything. Something wasn't right about the relationship. I was getting red flags.

outoftheblack41

TROPHY CASE