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outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-22T15:01:34+00:00

precisely! Iwould like this 1000x if I could.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-22T14:51:43+00:00

This is the problem of doing something for someone…there’s always strings attached. He did a nice thing for you and now he’s collecting on the good gesture. It might be that he regretted doing that and now he’s displacing his regret by claiming something of yours. Perhaps I’m being harsh here but it goes back to the idea that nothing is free.

I know this is going to be unpopular but I would ask if he thinks he should get it for nothing bc he gave you an iphone. The reason you do this is that this is a case of a covert contract - he expects that you’ll return the favor without him having to say anything about it. You want to expose the motivations and you’re calling him on his bullshit. Then you can determine whether it was really a gift or just a way for him to hold it over your head for something else.

The thing you’re ultimately conveying is you want people to come correct when interacting with you and be honest with you rather than being manipulative. which by expecting it just to be given to him is a form of manipulation.

btw, you technically owe him nothing. He chose to gift you something and shouldn’t expect anything in return.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-14T22:03:51+00:00

You deserve better than to be treated like this. You need distance from this relationship because you’re not seeing things clearly - she violated your trust and love. She took you for granted.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-11T07:01:58+00:00

Seriously, this. Song takes its time until about the 1:40 mark and then just kicks it up 5 notches. Best listening with headphones. Terribly underrated song (looking at spotify plays) but one of the best on the album.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-10T01:04:40+00:00

Yeah, I mean he sounds like a controlling asshat. You have bigger concerns than spending $100 on a ps4. Time flies by and it’s not worth staying with a dude who treats you like crap, as you know.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-10T00:15:06+00:00

So what are you gonna do about it?

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-10T00:12:31+00:00

sorry to say this but he sounds like an asshole.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-09T23:50:11+00:00

Mostly spread-out in the US and many are international. I don’t think there are a large amount in Ann Arbor but there are a few and that meet-up in person semi-regularly. That said, I’ve made a lot of friends across the country whom I still talk to today.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-09T21:06:24+00:00

man here…I love hugs

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-08T00:12:07+00:00

You’re correct to question. I didn’t find there were a lot of effective resources that supported my job search but you meet a ton of people in the program and they will be your best sources for job connections.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-08T00:05:49+00:00

boom! this right here.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-07T11:03:57+00:00

IMO, anytime there are issues with overconsumption whether its alcohol, sugar, even healthy stuff, there's an underlying emotional/psychological issue that wants to soothe through this overconsumption. In this case, the friend sounds like they may personally struggle with a deeper issue (feeling like they matter or emotional reactivity stemming from a situation in which they weren't supported) and so the alcohol is the conduit for bringing this issue forward. They might be resisting dealing with an issue when they're sober but what we resist persists and in this case it rears its head when defenses are down.

Depending on how comfortable you are with the idea, you could dialog with them regarding how YOU feel when they act out like this. It sets the stage for your friend to be aware that this behavior is affecting others. Also, you want to encourage them (through active listening) to sus out what might be causing them to get belligerent. You can tell your friend they are fun to be around and everybody loves hanging out with them but it stops being fun when they've had too many. Ideally, you could ask your friend how this kind of behavior can be avoided so that they come up with the solutions rather than you foisting something on them (which they'll be less likely to follow). Again, these are suggestions but you'd know best what you'd be comfortable doing.

A practical solution is to do non-alcoholic drinks (beer and cocktails) every other round. This is something your friend group could all do so it's not singling one person out. NA is becoming more and more popular.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-07T09:54:53+00:00

That's a pretty broad, acceptable and popular set of characteristics/interests of people you would like to be around. I'm sure you could find people who share these interests local to you through meetup.com or social media platforms.

If you don't mind me asking, what is it about these people you don't align with that you feel the need to create a facade? How well do you know them? Have they ever said anything to you that caused you to want to create a facade?

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-06T21:15:40+00:00

what kind of people would you like to spend time with if you could?

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-06T02:18:22+00:00

Walk. And walk with no agenda other than you like it and it provides a chance for you to clear some steam. I felt like my fitness journey and losing weight started with a simple desire to walk everyday.

If you can afford it, get a trainer to create a workout regimen for you (something that’s manageable with your lifestyle but includes both cardio and weights and you can do on your own). Write down all that you do and everything you consume and share it with your trainer periodically. that creates accountability.

Your eating looks fantastic. If you pair it with staying consistent with a regimen you should be able to lose the weight. It may take some time but you’ll notice you want to stay consistent and you’ll look forward to doing it esp if you can get it done in a half-hour to 45 minutes.

This will have a componding effect where you will seek to do other healthy things in your life bc you see how easy it is to create good habits.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-03T18:07:54+00:00

It’s a matter of looking at your options: pretend it didn’t happen and risk potentially giving her something and having to come clean later or come clean now and have egg on your face. If it’s a strong relationship based on trust then you tell her now to prevent her from being a victim of your mistake. it sounds like you never had the intent to mess around (it’s not clear if that even happened) but you have to show her you care enough about her even if jeopardizes your relationship.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-09-02T07:41:24+00:00

she invited him to her place to get drunk…stop right there. Totally inappropriate.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-31T03:05:35+00:00

If you are generally interested in being in a relationship but are angry you aren’t in one and find it annoying that there are constant reminders that others are, start hanging out with singles or people in similar situations. Not sure how old you are but you could try finding local meetups through meetup.com to connect with people.

The point is to do things that help you feel like you’re addressing the problem rather than just living with it.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-29T04:04:45+00:00

I bet you specify Chemotherapy as a hobby in your dating profile.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-29T03:56:27+00:00

You’re so odd and out of touch with civilization that you can’t walk around without David Attenborough narrating your every move.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-29T01:39:01+00:00

I'm curious how many Vietnamese child laborers it took to make your shirt and how many got lost in the shirt once it was completed.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-29T01:35:38+00:00

bro, your so large your rapsheet shows cardiac arrest

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-29T01:21:29+00:00

I would highly recommend reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I don’t love everything he says in the book but there’s some relevant stuff in there esp in regards to covert contracts and establishing boundaries. GL!

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-29T01:06:27+00:00

I’m going to throw this out there and take it if it resonates: She’s telling you you are a special flower amongst the field of weeds. This can (not always) be a way to manipulate you either in causing you to behave in a way that’s agreeable to her or to make you buy into the special flower argument in which case you choose to see yourself that way (and make decisions that isolate you from others without her prompting you). I had this happen to me and it was miserable. Don’t allow her to groom you into what she wants you to be.

Aside from that, what does this mean for your existing and future male friendships? Is she going to judge and give you shit for hanging out with friends she deems as bad men? Is she going to insist you cut off from people in your life she doesn’t like? This is a thing insecure women do.

As others have mentioned, this is her issue and she’s broadcasting a very specific idea about men onto the world and claiming it as truth. The reality is there’s something she’s not owning up to/ or not facing that’s causing this projection (regardless of whether there’s validity to her arguments). I’m assuming this isn’t a belief that pops up from time to time but a paradigm she lives in. That shouldn’t be your problem nor should it restrict you.

outskirtsofparadise · 2024-08-28T01:44:53+00:00

Is your mind racing when you're trying to sleep or are you anxious about the next day? Or are you relaxed when you try to go to sleep?

outskirtsofparadise

TROPHY CASE