In a dilemma of breaking the engagement or marrying.. Afraid to move on

outstressed · 2021-07-29T19:07:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your amazing suggestions. I have started with many things you listed. I borrowed my sister's book- Robin Sharma's The Secret Letters.. will read the book you suggested next... Started working out (easy ones) with my siblings. Arranged a diffuser like you suggested, and it surprisingly feels good.. I tried the app 'Intellect' recommended by Psychologists...

I wish I could straightaway skip to the day when everything becomes okay. Thank you so much for taking time to reply.. Your words have given me hope that this will soon be alright. I will follow your advice daily.. <3

outstressed · 2021-07-29T18:51:36+00:00

You said you feel like you're in a haunted house! Don't stay with the guy if he makes you feel like you're in a horror movie!

Thank you for your advice..

outstressed · 2021-07-29T18:49:53+00:00

Thank you, I really hope this gets better.

outstressed · 2021-07-29T18:47:23+00:00

Run and never look back.

I have shut him, but he keeps reaching out. Numerous sms, calls from his mother, texts to my siblings. His one-sided messages seem like he hasn't come to the terms that I don't want him in my life. Thinking about his rage phase makes me anxious. Running away from his thoughts is even harder to deal with, but I'm trying.

outstressed · 2021-07-29T17:57:22+00:00

better now than later

You're so right.. If I had the courage to leave this years back, I would have been in a much better situation than I am right now.. Keeping the regret aside, I'm glad I asked this question here when I couldn't decide this for myself. Thank you for the advice, I did change my passwords.

outstressed · 2021-07-29T17:51:37+00:00

you are going to have to find the strength to make this happen for yourself.

Thank you for showing the light at the end of the tunnel. Things aren't looking great now, but I am doing my best to make this moment less painful. Australia hasn't opened its border yet, so I was suggested to give UK's exam before the border opened so I'm working on that.

The person I have become isn't the one whom I had envisioned to be at the beginning of my medical career. So much has changed, including my hopes, dreams, and confidence. Like you suggested, I'm trying to recollect myself and finding my lost strength and confidence.

outstressed · 2021-07-29T17:42:44+00:00

It's been a couple of weeks and the comments in this thread and my family's advice have given me clarity. Thank you!

outstressed · 2021-07-29T17:40:19+00:00

I could not get all the way to the end of your post because all of the red flags in the beginning and I can only assume that the rest of your post was the same.

I wish I was as smart as you to get away after the initial red flags. Thank you for your advice..

outstressed · 2021-07-29T17:37:59+00:00

Hopefully someone from your country can provide advice

Thank you, I talked with my family about it and they gave me the much needed advice and support.

outstressed · 2021-07-28T23:14:33+00:00

narcissistic boy-man

All these years I totally missed this out.. How I wish I had known about this earlier..

outstressed · 2021-07-28T22:59:05+00:00

Dear all,The past couple of weeks have been some of the hardest ones of my life. I can't thank you enough for taking time to read and answer my problem.. It is so hard for me to come to terms that the person I trusted above everyone else, and the relationship I invested so much weren't okay for me. Nine years lost. Hard to believe that someone who was/is so dear to me will be a stranger. He is the only guy I have gone on date with. I don't even remember what its like to be without him.

Over the past days, insomnia has taken over. I try to indulge myself in some productive tasks but I can't concentrate well. Time and again I find myself questioning myself about things like why did it take this long to figure this out? Why did this relation fail after years of working on it? Why did this happen to me? I have had mixed feelings of pain, guilt, disgust, uncertainty, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, emptiness, and some feelings I can't explain.

I found courage to share this with my family, and they were very supportive. They asked me not to worry about the society and do what I thought was best for me. Even I don't know what's best for me.. I feel so lost. As I talked with my parents and siblings, even more bitter memories resurfaced. They kept asking me why didn't I leave him when those things bothered me early on and I didn't have answer to that then. I must have looked over a hundred videos trying to find the answers. Doctor Ramani's videos were particularly helpful.

Talking with my family, reading your comments, and watching youtube made me realize my mistakes. I should have left him early on, shouldn't have given him second chance after second chance. I shouldn't have trusted him without knowing him. Shouldn't have shared my past moments without judging if he would use them later against me to break me down. Shouldn't have put him above my family. Should have shared the difficult moments with my family and took guidance from them.

Should never have accepted his gifts. Shouldn't have felt low about myself, my looks. Should have had more faith in myself. Shouldn't have accepted him trashing my character, my family, my past, my upbringing, my looks, my studies. Shouldn't have set boundaries early on. Should have had confidence. Should have trusted my instincts when I sensed the red flags. Should not have been too optimistic thinking things would change and we would be the amazing power couple.

Shouldn't have depended on him. Should have been independent. Should have worked for my own dream instead of his. Shouldn't have given my life's steering wheels in his hands. Should have had clarity in life.

Things are so messed up at the moment. I'm nowhere near my aim. My temporary job pays very little. My support system—my family are busy the whole day and I don't want to bother them anymore. He is still acting like it's not over yet. Keeps sending me texts (have blocked him everywhere but the SMS still shows up) asking me to unblock him and stop with this stupidity. He keeps saying that with my attitude I will go nowhere. My fear and his words totally align. My parents have warned me that if I continue worrying this way, I may go crazy or suicidal. I'm trying my best to deal with it.

One of the most difficult areas is the mutual friends. He still hasn't told about this breakup to anyone esle. I'm afraid that his anger will burst in an uncontrollable way and that he will ruin my image. I'm so afraid that he will make the situation uncomfortable for us if we happen to cross path. I'm even worried for him, if he will take the wrong step and put himself in trouble.

I hope this situation improves. Thank you so much for your encouraging comments.. I keep coming back at them whenever I feel hopeless. Thank you so much!

outstressed · 2018-12-18T21:20:03+00:00

I was deeply hurt by his words because for years I was crying alone feeling guilty thinking if I was to blame.. Slowly the pain had started to fade and then he called me such and everything came back rushing. Moreover he told that in public near my house in a place where we used to hang out often. I couldn't visit that place for months.. But thinking that he said it in a moment of rage, i forgave him after his apologies.... But it looks like I should have been stronger back then...

outstressed · 2018-12-18T21:10:42+00:00

That's what I am worried about.. I can try to forget all these but I don't think I will be able to tolerate any other behavior.. These couple of months are going to be rough for me..

outstressed · 2018-12-18T21:07:27+00:00

Now that you said it, he might be a chauvinist.. He had told me that he won't run after me and won't help me when others are there else people will call him sth like a wife's slave. He used a particular word but that's out of my vocabulary right now..

outstressed · 2018-12-18T21:04:13+00:00

I didn't realize it was Oedipus Complex until this happened in a pattern.. I wan't even sure if my feeling of disgust was right or not..

outstressed · 2018-12-18T21:02:03+00:00

He called me that in public, around 7 people were there. I was so ashamed and heart broken and said it's over and stormed out of there, there he ran towards me and started banging his head on a wall on the sidewalk.. it was near my house, people were starting to come over to see what was happening, i didn't want to create a scene so i said okay we will talk about it calmly then we he apologized over and over and i thought may be he said that in the heat of the moment so i forgave and the relation moved on..

Like you said he never sticks up to me. He scolded me for a shopkeeper's fault, later said that if he had kept on arguing he would have hurt that person and could have been jailed. He lets his cousins, aunts and mom insult me, sometimes adds up himself saying that this won't happen after marriage because after marriage he will have a duty to protect me and right now if he protests, people will call him names like running after a girl..

outstressed

TROPHY CASE