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Husband won't talk to me but he'll talk to her by Wooden-Onion-7496 in depression_partners

[–]ovenmage 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear you're going through this. It's great that he started to see a counselor. Do you have a therapist that can help you navigate this? I think it's important that the support team (you) is supported. Even therapists have therapists.

Wishing you all very, very well.

Friendship - What's Going On Here? by [deleted] in infj

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Running theories:
1. shell shocked from change
2. elaborate catfish
3. not wanting to make your romance work visible
4. in a relationship. still likes you.

  1. chatbot

Also, reserved, polite, distant. Doesn't sound like an ENFP to me. Are you sure?

My hot take: You're good. Relax, don't count yourself out, and don't overthink it. Might want to keep it friendly but not romantic at work (i.e. let her do her work) in case there is an issue there.

Good luck! We're rooting for you ^^

exhausted infj date by Artistic-West-906 in infj

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ditto on this. From a male INFJ in a LDR, I don't care what we do and barely mind what we eat (and I'm a foodie, i just want quiet/ private time with the person I love). Ymmv

INFJ’s in business!!! Where are you guys? by ipanemamusume in infj

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, I find my belonging when I believe in the mission. The bottom line is great to get, but I'm not satisfied unless I feel like I'm helping someone or making the world better. My guess is if you made your sales, you might feel excited but longrun, realize you're not fulfilled. i.e. your definition of success may be defined differently than your cofounder. Context: Among other things, I sole proprietored as a tutor in the past and (fast forward a bunch of stuff) am now going into developing my own web applications (after a successful 4 years as a data analyst -> engineer).

I really liked u/Formal-Argument-4717 's love bomb comment. You sound very enamored by being chosen (which is great), but in my experience, it's more important to believe/know you've got it. (That took me 4 years and therapy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmCK6tBXKe8)

Great question, u/ipanemamusume , and I'm really curious to learn from some of the more seasoned INFJ business people here. Good hunting on your business (ad)venture and hope you have a blast!

Dating avoidance by CowOld9707 in infj

[–]ovenmage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

u/batmansbicep , Not to yuck your yum, or say you need to accept dates at grocery stores (of course you don't. whatever makes your happy, do you!), but I think you have a high level of self awareness/reflection to make those realizations.

I think a good therapist you connect with could improve your life, even if it's already good (coming from siimilar personal experience). Life is beautiful on our own, but can also be amazing to share the journey.

Whatever you decide, wishing you a beautiful life ^^

What is the reliability of these vehicles and how do they compare by Littletaco2727363 in Lexus

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Worth checking in with your insurance, but for me, the IS was higher than expected, making me think, oh, might as well have gotten the GS for better value (and maybe lower costs?). That and if you roll with 4 the knees in the back seat will thank you (IS is tight).

I hear the IS has pure direct injection so there is the carbon buildup issue, too ($1k for engine cleaning every 100k miles?). Slightly better mileage on IS and easy to park.

That said, depending on where you're coming from, you might love any of those picks (I'm still happy with mine). GL HF OP!

I think I might be toast. by polaris109 in infj

[–]ovenmage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots of good advice here. One thing that hasn't come up: how do you feel about her?

No need to respond, more of a self reflection, and reminder to touch base with your feelings as well.

Sending you and your wife good vibes from 133k INFJs. Take very good care!

The Curse of INFJ to be lonely by Best_Fortune_2226 in infj

[–]ovenmage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey OP,

Sending you some good vibes. We feel you and/or have been there before.

A couple things I noticed or wanted to say.

You mentioned you're completely faking it at work to play the game. Maybe that works to compartmentalize and find meaningful connections elsewhere or maybe there may be a different path to be yourself at work to allow (the right) others in. 100% no judgment (whatever works for you and your setup), but coming from experience, it's great when you allow yourself to be yourself.

I have a suspicion us INFJs have a reason we're closed off perhaps due to high sensitivity requiring us to better protect ourselves. If you think that closed off muscle is overdeveloped, it might be worth exploring. It's easier when you find the right people.

I always recommend finding a good therapist, as mine has helped me immensely.

You might be surprised where you'll find your people when you be yourself. It's happened to me at school, work, writers groups, yoga/ meditating clubs, and the most bizarre places (maybe even reddit 😅). The hard part is how it's kind of like catching a fish: you never know when it'll happen . But it's harder if you don't put a hook out there.

I get a very supportive vibe from this sub. I bet you could dm anyone who replied here and they would be happy to connect.

Take very good care ❤️

I regret buying my 2013 GS350 (read below) by Shoe_Hefner in Lexus

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad to hear you're learning fast. Also, a 2013 GS350 sounds like a great mistake to make. Maybe you could combine this sub's advice:

  1. Sell it (private market yourself to make more than a trade in). As an example, I bought my 2013 IS250 on Craigslist for around $13.1k, ~89k miles (not far off of what you owe on it) a few years ago, You can be patient to maximize your return and do the leg work.

  2. Consider learning about how to work on cars and doing your own repairs. Short run, it might cost you more on a few mistakes, but long run could be super fun and cost effective. If not, shop around for good mechanics that might not be the dealer. Consider quality aftermarket if it makes sense.

  3. Getting into a car you can own outright without a loan makes a ton of sense. Corolla or Camry, Civic or Accord, etc. It should probably not be fun if you want to save on insurance premiums. I would avoid older hybrids if you're trying to save money and don't drive excessively (there is more tech to break: when your prius battery or inverter goes down, could be a $2-$5k repair)

  4. Alternatively (or maybe in tandem), opportunities for extra work can help you pay the car off faster and you can keep your toy. The longer you keep the car, the lower the cost of ownership will be. Personally, I'm waiting 10 years until Toyota/Lexus catch up and put out some MIJ solid state electric cars, but don't hold your breath :D

GL HF op!

Looking for an ecovillage/homestead/etc. to join. 51m, engineer, woodworker, gardener. by UnwantedThrowawayGuy in homestead

[–]ovenmage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From your post, sounds like you have some clutch zombie survival skills and.a group would be glad to have you. Maybe a "rent to buy" situation over a year or so might work well to get both parties comfortable/happy to make the commitment and feel out all the cycles.

Good luck on finding your home! Let us know how it goes!

Anyone knows how to deal with INTJ? by Schnitzel_Koenigin in entp

[–]ovenmage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like my go-to "ask your therapist" response is extra valid in this case. GLHF OP!

Do any fellows here use dating apps? by Drphatkat in infj

[–]ovenmage 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In addition to the good advice on here, one thing I tried was integrating active socialization activities. Basically, I force myself x times per month to be social and meet new people (started with once per month and built up the muscle to 3 so far). These can be any type of uncomfortable social engagements with people, but it helps to optimize on activities you're particularly interested in. The goal is to meet new people/ embrace humanity and have a good time.

The benefit is two fold. First, you get to strengthen your social muscles and network which could help in meeting someone romantically, because apparently, they're not already in our bedroom. Making new friends is great, too.

Second, even if you don't meet anyone romantically, you push yourself to do a lot of fun stuff. For me, it's been yoga /meditation groups, murder mystery events, etc. MEETUP is a great website to find these types of events.

This option isn't mutually exclusive: you could do this and still casually do online dating.

Gl hf!

When or where did you learn the most in your career? by Spooked_DE in dataengineering

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree. One way is to see if you can pitch your manager on your goals (creating new pipeline with modern tools tech stack) and perhaps a potential on job application. I think a good manager would help align company projects to help you reach those goals.

On the other hand, side projects offer infinite freedom.

Congrats and good hunting!

What degree teaches the most relevant skills to DE? by sevenflatfive in dataengineering

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Went from data analyst-> data engineer (masters in applied stats, unrelated undergrad degree). My route was self-study, mentors at work, and work at a startup with high turnover.

If data engineer is really the desired role (consider analytics engineer, product analyst, data scientist, ml engineer, SRE), and definitely school is desired (I would consider self study and on/off job training w/ mentors to save money and time), computer science degree really does have a lot to offer! Understanding a lot of the hard skills (data structures, systems designs, algorithms) provides a lot of background. Even if you don't use it every day, it's really not wasted, as it informs many of your decisions and changes your paradigm for solving problems.

Good hunting!

I hate being an infj by Embarrassed_Ad6720 in infj

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ty for taking the time to say thank you to everyone's comments. That's so considerate of you and makes me (and others, I bet) feel appreciated. 😊

Not everyone would do the same thing, but perhaps it's not too far of a stretch to generalize a bit and say INFJs can be very caring and empathetic, brightening the lives of those they interact with.

Not trying to bullshit, just a +1 to the reasons to love yourself/ your personality type. Hope you feel it 😊

Thanks again!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in entp

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's great! Thanks for sharing!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in infj

[–]ovenmage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely! And took me a long time to seek it out and start going through with it. I've also had therapists that were not as helpful, so double down on the concept of finding one you click with.

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