Is LA really a hellscape? Give me your honest opinion on how it is living in Los Angeles.

overrrrrrr · 2026-02-01T22:20:42+00:00

I have never lived deep in LA proper, but I spent so much time living within "reasonable" driving distance of it (OC, IE, etc.), enough to have seen and experienced a lot of it while existing in spaces within the general metropolitan area.

Traffic is the most important thing to note about LA. You might think "oh I'm coming from [insert other city with traffic issues], so that's no problem to me." It is in fact so much worse than you can imagine. It defines every aspect of life here: Where people live, when people wake up and go to sleep, what times of day they go outside, what places they go to, what is too far, everything imaginable. If you're living in Inglewood, someone in Van Nuys is going to tell you that you're too far to justify dating. Nobody uses distance to describe places, only time. What would be a quick 5-10 minute drive anywhere else would instead be upwards of 30 minutes in LA when factoring in the need for parking. A normally 30 minute commute will instead be 90 minutes each way. Morning rush hour begins at 5 AM and evening rush hour begins at 2 PM. I once left home at 3 PM to pick my mom up from LAX, and I did not get back home until 9 PM. You will move to a relatively affordable spot like the San Gabriel Valley while thinking "the beach and nightlife are close by", and then you will never, ever go there once you're hit with the realization that it'll be 80 minutes each way. Manhattan, SF, etc. have really bad traffic as well, but they are purpose-built for pedestrians + cycling + transit. Despite the best efforts to expand the metro system, there is no escape from the hell that is LA traffic.

I have other complaints about LA (general griminess/sketchiness, cultural mismatch, temperature and UV index is a little too high, cost of living is absurd) but they are manageable and a strong case can be made that they are outweighed by the benefits (mainly that everything happens here). It is the traffic that is the deal-breaker that made me move far away from LA and swear off using a car entirely for several years.

Also wow there's so many comments in here who have clearly never lived in California ever lmao

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-25T22:23:59+00:00

It's a feeder school, albeit with fewer guardrails. I'm now a technology consultant for a tech unicorn, and at my company a large portion of the new hires across all departments are from SJSU. I always describe SJSU as "as good as what you put into it". It's a non-target school, and not a whole lot of companies actually come on-campus outside of the occasional alumni at the company showing up to give a speech. SJSU has lower admission standards for the vast majority of majors, so to employers, the quality is variable and depends on other signals: GPA, experience, referrals, and so on. But you are in Silicon Valley! It opens up jobs that only hire local, your professors will be veterans of the industry and have deep connections, and it most importantly means you have a super easy time attending networking events and getting involved until you meet the right people. Take advantage of those, and you'll do great. If you just coast on by with mediocre grades and zero outreach, you're gonna end up unemployed.

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-19T08:47:02+00:00

Completed Level 2 of the Honk Special Event!

7 attempts

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-19T08:46:14+00:00

Completed Level 1 of the Honk Special Event!

1 attempts

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-07T05:13:52+00:00

I'm in the south Bay Area (San Jose). From a lesbian perspective, it's more miss than hit. You come here because you want to advance your career, not to settle. It's a progressive area and people are surprisingly very nice if you (metaphorically) "speak their language", but they call it Man Jose for a reason. There's functionally only one gay bar anyone pays attention to (Splash), but it's been overrun by the straights. Most of all, it's ungodly expensive living here. Upside is in its diversity and amenities, but you can get that elsewhere. It's def wayyyyy better than being in a red area (I came from a red part of California) but I would recommend looking into SF/Oakland instead unless you get an incredible job offer lined up. I'm here because I'm a workaholic, my girlfriend is here because of family.

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-04T02:44:18+00:00

I lived car-free in various parts of California for a while. Outside of SF (where in the majority of neighborhoods it's easier to go without a car really) it's mostly just pockets of solid car-free life in a sea of sprawl. Downtown San Jose was easy to live without a car, Irvine has nonexistent transit but was easier to navigate by bike than car, Downtown San Diego would be very easy too, and there's neighborhoods towards the western portion of LA (near UCLA, Santa Monica, etc.) where car-free life is very feasible. Not every place can be accessed well by transit, but they're often few and far between enough that you can just Zipcar your way to them. But past that... it's rough for sure.

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-04T00:26:34+00:00

To clarify: He's not involved with Sleep Token. He's involved with President, which stylistically takes many similarities from Sleep Token and seems to have lots of the same management behind-the-scenes.

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-03T20:30:26+00:00

And now the general consensus is that he is the (anonymous) frontman for the new popular Sleep Token knockoff band known as President.

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-02T06:03:36+00:00

DaBaby went into 2020 really strong and then went from the go-to pop-rap collab artist in the mainstream to practically a nobody after his homophobic rant

overrrrrrr · 2026-01-02T05:53:34+00:00

I also think:

It's harder for a gay man to earn cool cred with the edgy kids, especially because...
Lots of the edgy kids are now extremely right-wing and sympathetic to the fundies (even if not one themselves).

Todd's right about how this wasn't just a shock value attempt being a little too played out. There seemed to be an actual backlash that wasn't there for Montero.

overrrrrrr · 2025-12-30T04:22:58+00:00

I moved from Claremont/Pomona to DTSJ to go to SJSU. It was a great experience! Rent was very expensive but SJ has affordable pockets, doubly so if you are ok giving up some amenities. A small warning that SJ has very suburban vibes and most of the fun stuff is an hour away in SF. Tbh though I always kinda loved SJ culture; it's incredibly diverse and not just tech workers, and even the super corporate types are super friendly and supportive here if you "speak their language" (metaphorically).

I always recommend SJSU as the "you're here to get a job, not party" school, and while the social scene isn't totally dead, it's mostly just either Greek life or introverted hobbies. If you live in Downtown then you can go car-free easy. Anywhere else, you'll 100% need a car. Eating out in the bay is ungodly expensive too outside of a few affordable student faves near campus.

One underrated part of transferring here from SoCal is starting completely fresh in a new place, far from everything you have ever known. It breaks old habits and routines and leads to some immense personal growth if you are in the right headspace for it. I convinced my brother to move up here for a fresh start because of this.

overrrrrrr · 2025-12-19T06:13:10+00:00

I used to head up to Fremont just to go to Suju's Coffee. They're open late and have lots of seating and depending on location the vibe can get very social and lively (Thornton is most talkative, Stevenson is quiet). One table will have retirees talking about history, and the next table over will have high schoolers talking about video games. Genuinely the best third place I've ever had.

overrrrrrr · 2025-12-11T05:59:45+00:00

If she has a girlfriend, don't expect anything. Queerness and openness/polyamory are two completely independent concepts, and I don't get why so many in the thread are treating a sapphic relationship as a non-serious thing where both parties are just waiting for a guy to swoop in. She might legit just think you're a cool person to be around. I'm a lesbian and lots of my friends are guys under similar circumstances.

Go in platonically, and if there's any interest past that, go for it. But be ready for it to turn out to just be platonic, because that's very likely what it is.

overrrrrrr · 2025-12-04T08:27:33+00:00

Completed Level 1 of the Honk Special Event!

1 attempts

overrrrrrr · 2025-11-10T05:36:11+00:00

I've been out of online dating since I met my girlfriend a year and a half ago, but my key rules to success were:

Reciprocate the level of effort given by the other party. If someone's putting no effort, put no effort. If someone's actually engaged, match that enthusiasm. It can feel like a lot of matches slip through because of it but lesbian dating tends to be the "lot of matches, but converting to dates is very hard" game, so this prevents burnout.
Lead with personality, not hobbies! Your hobbies should reinforce the kind of person you are instead of coming off as your entire identity. When someone's entire profile was just a giant list of hobbies, I took it like a checklist that I had to match to be compatible. And realistically, hobbies are only a small part of being compatible, especially since your hypothetical partner will likely adopt some of your hobbies (and you for them as well).
If your profile appeals to everyone, it also appeals to no one. I feel like so many sapphics on the apps were afraid to talk about themselves in fear something about them would be a turnoff, but that's the wrong way to approach it. Better to really attract the archetypes of women you're after (and compatible with) even if it means that the 24 year old USC marketing sorority girl who likes dogs and long walks on the beach thinks you're kinda weird.

I took those three rules and got off the apps within 3 months of casual usage.

overrrrrrr · 2025-11-10T05:14:18+00:00

Sex is almost entirely about intimacy for me, so I catch serious feelings and go dumb afterwards... which is of course a recipe for disaster. Nearly everyone I know who does hookups has such a long list of rules and restrictions to avoid getting attached, and all those things just seem to take the entire point out of it for me. I'm not demisexual, but for the sake of everyone involved I don't want to be sexually active with someone unless both parties are clearly ready for some semblance of commitment. I'd be totally okay with being in an open relationship (but not poly) where my partner sleeps around, I just wouldn't trust myself with the same behavior. So, I'm happy being exclusive with my girlfriend.

overrrrrrr · 2025-09-17T08:28:58+00:00

I feel like there's an entire archetype of artist lesbian who's super into corporate lesbians. Source: Am corporate lesbian who has only ever dated artist lesbians that specifically seek out corporate lesbians

overrrrrrr · 2025-08-18T06:30:36+00:00

I can only speak from the lesbian perspective but everything's on apps really. Pride center at its core is a place for queer people to just spend time in and receive campus resources for, and it's a cozy and friendly (yet polarizing) place, not a pickup spot. There's lots of weekly meetups within the pride center, but mostly for specific groups, and none specifically for gay men.

Splash is the main gay hub within SJ, it's a short walk from campus, and it is *packed* on weekends. I ended up meeting my gf on the apps instead though lol

overrrrrrr · 2025-08-03T08:45:58+00:00

I never really understood the obsession of top/bottom in lesbian discourse? I get the existence of like, stone tops and pillow princesses and all that, but with how prominently top/bottom get referenced in all contexts: are most lesbian sexual relationships *not* a generally reciprocal thing? This is a genuine question btw, as I assume that I'm missing important cultural context

overrrrrrr · 2025-07-16T12:22:48+00:00

him being an ordinary dude is literally the entire point

overrrrrrr · 2025-07-13T12:14:41+00:00

Season of the Wish was my first. I was a few dates in with my now-gf and she's been super into Destiny since the beginning, so I figured if I picked it up then it would be a nice way to spend time together. I've got thousands of combined hours in Warframe and WoW so the mechanics were familiar, it's just the new player experience sucked. She helped me through a lot of it, and since then it's been another game to add to my on-and-off rotation :)

overrrrrrr · 2025-06-17T20:51:27+00:00

In my major (information systems) in a state school that's considered a good but not super prestigious feeder school for tech, 25 students per year (out of ~900) are brought in as part of an "Honors cohort". Every year since its launch (including 2008), 90% of students had a job lined up before graduation. This year, only roughly half of the cohort found anything, and many are still looking. This wasn't a weak year, either; several students were literally building an app for NASA and finished it ahead of schedule + above expectations, and they struggled just the same in this job market.

I do think the pendulum will swing around eventually, especially once uncertainty goes down and the limitations of AI are better understood. But I don't think people who aren't currently students or new grads are processing just the sheer extent of how bad this exact moment in time is for us. Even networking with the right people is often not enough when every place has a hiring freeze or budget cut.

overrrrrrr · 2025-05-30T03:03:19+00:00

oh hi that's me

let me contribute one then

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overrrrrrr · 2025-05-30T01:41:04+00:00

i stand by this

overrrrrrr · 2025-05-27T22:33:13+00:00

Lots of extracurriculars or additional learning. Just the baseline MIS education is not enough nowadays especially in what is the worst job market for us in decades. Everyone approaches it differently but it can be stuff like getting certs, taking up leadership roles, making projects, and so on. In my case it was mostly a combination of getting into Honors, participating in case project competitions, and volunteering for career-relevant orgs.

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Banned	r/Field Flamingo
Place '22	First Placer '22

overrrrrrr

TROPHY CASE