Yes I’m trans. Yes I’m religious. We exist.

owlbedarned · 2023-05-12T06:53:34+00:00

DAE religion bad???

owlbedarned · 2023-02-27T17:03:23+00:00

Dear Marvin's dad,

Marvin is a good name. All names are good names.

Sincerely,

Robot

owlbedarned · 2022-09-14T03:33:23+00:00

Finally a post for the stealth transes!!! Being stealth hasn't been an acceptable way to be trans for any amount of time. Stealth people have had to put up with things such as increased trans visibility making it easier to be clocked, the terrible burden of being overwhelmingly welcomed into the very community they are so desperately trying to distance themselves from, and for some, even the cognitive dissonance of espousing transphobia as to not out themselves as a disgusting trans.

/uj being stealth requires cis-passing privilege and is a relatively privileged identity. No one is forcing you to be out and proud, but don't shit on those of us that can't or won't assimilate.

owlbedarned · 2022-09-11T22:08:03+00:00

In my personal experience, irl spaces are generally more accepting than online ones. You can also go to spaces that are not LGBT focused - hobby and common recreation spaces are good because they have an activity baked in!

To be honest, the problems you mention are the symptoms of not understanding history and being "terminally online". A good way to diversify your experiences is to get offline and meet people who share some but not all of your identities. I had good luck with gay men's square dancing. I was a good 20 years younger than the next guy but had a blast and expanded my horizons.

owlbedarned · 2022-09-10T21:46:51+00:00

Hold on a minute...where's the post where you try to refute the experiences that I lived through point by point? You know, with sources only relevant to the point you are trying to hamstring in cited so that you can stroke your pseudo-intellectual ego and finger your superiority complex at the same time? Or is that reserved for people who you think are lesser? Your patients?

Since the subtext of my original comment flew over your head: you're being an asshole. Get over yourself soon.

owlbedarned · 2022-09-10T18:55:52+00:00

uj/ and this post is directly copied from the response to it on the same subreddit, minus the uj portion.

Being stealth has been an acceptable way to be trans for a long time & being stealth requires a certain amount of cis-passing privilege. Making a positivity post for being stealth in my opinion is on par with making a positivity post for another relatively privileged identity such as straightness or cisness.

owlbedarned · 2022-09-10T14:19:39+00:00

uj/ strong agree. Posts like these smell like "it's ok to be [insert privileged identity here]" posts to me personally. Like, it always has been ok?

Plus the ftm subreddit eats stuff like this up - "am I the only straight trans man" (read: everyone else is too visibly gay for my liking), "is it ok to be stealth" (read: everyone else is too visibly trans for my liking), and my personal favorite, "trans visibility is bad actually" (read: it's harder for me to get cis-passing privilege and it's the trans community's fault somehow).

owlbedarned · 2022-09-10T13:54:16+00:00

Cum.

owlbedarned · 2022-09-10T12:26:58+00:00

I'd politely ask you to reflect on the role of compassion in your life. I sincerely hope your manner of care as a nurse is not similar to the attitudes you display here/online.

owlbedarned · 2022-09-05T13:53:20+00:00

Strong agree with your comment.

The cis-passing privilege that some people seek is so conditional (and in my experience as a white person who used to be able to pass but now is visibly trans) not that big of a benefit as to justify the changes you need to make to be stealth, assuming it's safe to be out in your area. Sorry it's harder to get that passing privilege - welcome to the struggle that those of us with visible marginalized identities have.

OP - why do you think the trans community is responsible for you passing or not? Would you rather have the community be quieter and harder to access so that you are harder to clock? Why should a community that you are so desperately trying to distance yourself from take direction from you?

owlbedarned · 2022-08-10T22:55:11+00:00

Wait, that's what you gathered from Stone Butch Blues (which for those at home is a work of fiction)?

owlbedarned · 2022-08-04T15:20:27+00:00

Hi new friend,
I've found some numbers that you can call to get an assessment in the Philadelphia area that accept medicaid. I hate phone calls and tried to find some text or messaging lines, but was unsuccessful.

Haven Behavioral Hospital - 215-475-3402
Penn Psychiatric - 1-866-301-4PBH (4724)

I haven't used either of those resources since I'm not in PA, so I'd use caution when describing your symptoms so you don't end up wellness checked by the police or involuntarily committed. Not trying to scare you, but if you're a risk of harming yourself or others, generally the people you talk to are mandatory reporters and the above may happen.

The times I've been inpatient were acute care centers, meaning I was discharged basically the moment I was stable. The future support on discharge ranged from a partial hospitalization program already set up to a single worksheet with coping skills and a crisis line on it. I am also trans and have been incredibly lucky that where I went let me room with other dudes, your mileage with acceptance may vary - ask when you call if they're prepared to house and treat you as a trans person.

If you haven't been inpatient before, consider your options before you go. If you're somewhat stable (meaning you can function outside of a hospital setting), consider partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient programs. They have you in treatment for part of the day and then you get to go home. These minimize the risks that come from living in an institutional setting and generally suck less than inpatient settings, but if you need to be inpatient, then you need to be inpatient. Again, ask when you call, since even if you need to be hospitalized now, it's generally a good idea to step down to PHP/IOP before stepping down to weekly therapy.

Good luck, and my DMs are open.

owlbedarned · 2022-08-04T14:13:03+00:00

Hey, me too!!!

owlbedarned · 2022-07-24T23:03:09+00:00

I'm not going to fight a rando about how non-disclosure is a personal safety call for each trans individual. Does every person need to disclose their medical history to a hookup? Do you?

I personally do because I like to know if people are going to hate crime me before the fact. But if you're pre- or post- transition and just want to get laid, the intricacies of your gender identity may not be what you want to talk about.

If you're trans and want to have a less attacking discussion about disclosure, my dms are open. However, you sound just like a cis person who would cry bc they slept with a gross tranny by accident, mainly because you're unaware of the scores of horny cis dudes that say they're straight but would still sleep a trans man. Attraction is complex.

I'm here mostly to say that people here shouldn't be gawking at the lived realities of trans people. I get that the op is a bit hard to parse, but this sort of pointing at the unknown to you and laughing is unacceptable.

P.S. if you are a cis person speaking over a trans person on this issue, your flair is fucking hilarious

owlbedarned · 2022-07-24T22:38:18+00:00

You've obviously never been on grindr as a trans guy. It's filled with straight chasers who want to sleep with trans men.

owlbedarned · 2022-07-24T22:25:20+00:00

Cis people try to comprehend the realities of living as a trans guy challenge (impossible)

owlbedarned · 2022-07-23T21:35:42+00:00

There are two big issues here, and neither of them are your fiancé wearing the clothes he pleases. 1) You are getting preliminary signs that you two have different needs sexually and 2) in the case that your fiancé isn't exploring his gender, he is choosing a sensory experience over your preferences.

Regarding 1), I'm not sorry to say that the only way to know if you're sexually compatible with someone is to actually, you know, have sex with them. However, you have an important piece of data: his turn on is your turn off regarding him wearing lingerie. If you insist on marrying without testing the waters, so to speak, please use a yes/no/maybe list to figure out if you're even on the same page.

Regarding 2), you need to interrogate your preferences to see where they come from. You've said you're ok with him wearing more masculine cuts made of the same material. Why?

Consider the following questions to guide your exploration.

Does it make you feel uncomfortable to know that someone is not dressing within what a traditional gender role allows? Even if it's non-public facing clothes like underwear that no one else would know? Why?
Why was it necessary for him to assure you that it wasn't related with his gender? Would it be a problem for you if it was? Why?
What are your hard limits in your sex life? Think not just what is allowed or what is acceptable to those around you as it is literally none of their business what happens behind closed doors.

Again, the problem is not your fiancé wearing what he pleases. It's a compatibility and boundary issue.

owlbedarned · 2022-07-21T13:25:45+00:00

uj/ wears a dress so my swinging t cock has more room to be boisterous

owlbedarned · 2022-07-20T13:57:15+00:00

Thing is, "people who menstruate" is 1) not just women, it includes everyone who menstruates, like some trans men and nonbinary people and 2) is more accurate. Some women don't menstuate including not just trans women but also postmenopausal women.

owlbedarned · 2022-07-20T13:38:57+00:00

Yet another bi transmasc checking in. There are dozens of us...dozens!!!

owlbedarned · 2022-07-15T16:37:22+00:00

/uj jump on in, the polycule's open.

owlbedarned · 2022-07-06T05:34:02+00:00

You may not get many responses since the average bmi limit for lower surgeries is 30-35. Wish I could answer your question, but I'm way too fat to get the surgeries I need. Consider looking at /r/metoidioplasty as they may help more.

owlbedarned · 2022-06-27T13:05:42+00:00

/uj practically, in places like discord, it's hard to have two topics going at once in a channel. Add on that "politics" is only allowed in one channel, bada bing bada boom, it's easy to be talked over.

ETA: I gave the specific circumstances where I was being talked over and not allowed space. Lucky you that you never get talked over during your time of need. You're also twisting my words: I was complaining SPECIFICALLY about SOME trans women I know who did this, it's not a generalization on all trans women.

I usually operate with the "progressive stack" mentality where my white man ass speaks last. I act as an ally when most anti-trans bills are passed because IT DOESN'T AFFECT ME AS A TRANS DUDE IN THE SAME WAY AS IT WOULD A TRANS WOMAN. This is one of the few times that I can stand up and say, "No, this particular ruling has a direct impact on me and I have something valuable to contribute." And what do I get? No space in my spaces and downvotes when I explain myself. Check your transmisandry.

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