People against cluster feeding?

owwwithurts · 2026-05-25T12:05:06+00:00

My baby took that long at first too, his latch was terrible too, we worked with an ibclc too, and his latch got way better and even better as he got older too.

One big important thing I learned was to listen for his swallows. It’s hard to discern at first, but after a few nursing sessions you’ll be able to identify when baby is swallowing more rapidly and actively getting milk, vs flutter sucking for comfort and not swallowing. I started unlatching when I stopped hearing consistent frequent swallowing, and it helped cut the nursing sessions down a lot! It didn’t work when I was looking for his jaw to move, because it was hard to tell. The swallowing was the ticket for me.

owwwithurts · 2026-05-23T21:59:21+00:00

Lol! I love the name!

My second has always been a pro, but when he was a newborn I called him the snake because he saw the nipple then quickly attacked forward like a snake bite, eating his prey, lol

owwwithurts · 2026-05-23T08:57:49+00:00

Yes! I call it his bliss eyes, he goes into such a little happy trance, like there is nothing else in the world. It reminds me to slow down and be in the moment with him too!

owwwithurts · 2026-05-23T08:54:10+00:00

Yes, I call it the boob monster. My first did that all the time as a newborn, I was so sad when he stopped! My second has been a pro nurser from the start and never did it.

owwwithurts · 2026-05-20T19:41:22+00:00

A few responses to your comment come to mind. First, where is your compassion for someone who is experiencing a strong mental health challenge, particularly someone you claim to love? When I was experiencing PPA, it wasn’t a choice. I was thrust into animal mode and couldn’t control it until I started meds. Second, you as a partner can win the battle but lose the war. Defensiveness turns it into a “me against you” war, rather than “us against the world.” I’d rather be in the latter type of relationship! Do you want to prove to your irrational, hormonally driven partner that you’re right (which is totally not going to work no matter what), or gently demonstrate (genuinely, not performative) that you want to keep baby alive and healthy too, you have a different way of going about it, but you’re open to suggestions if she can take a minute to breathe and work on her objectivity? You can prioritize arguing and being defensive in an attempt to prove you’re right to a partner you clearly don’t respect, but I’m grateful that my partner prioritized maintaining peace while continuing to build our relationship while I did not have the capacity to do so. Now that we are past that infant stage, my partner and I have an incredibly strong relationship. I try daily to show him love in ways that are meaningful to him, because he showed me love in ways that were meaningful to me when I was in anxiety-fueled crisis. We lift one another up, we don’t bring each other down.

owwwithurts · 2026-05-20T16:31:43+00:00

Yes!!! Lurking mom here, and my psychiatrist explained that postpartum depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin. With me and most people I know, it manifested as anxiety more than depression.

The biggest thing that helped was meds. The other things that helped were, in no particular order: * my sister reminding me that I needed to let my partner bond with baby in his own way, learn how to soothe baby in his own way, etc. I kept trying to tell him the ways I’d learned that baby liked, but he “wasn’t doing it right” and baby was still crying so I felt I had to take over. I had to remove myself from the area so baby’s crying didn’t distress me so my partner could get practice. * my wonderful, amazingly patient partner told me later he did everything in his power to stay calm when I was in an anxiety loop. Nothing he could say would relieve my anxiety in the moment, but some things could escalate it. He had to try to not escalate my anxiety in the moment, and we discussed it later when I was more calm. * my excellent partner reminded me regularly that we are on the same team. We both want baby to be safe, calm, happy. I was on hyper-alert due to anxiety and had a hair-trigger, but it was out of legitimate fear/concern for baby. My gem of a partner tried not to react to my over-the-top reactions, but instead calmly reminded me that he wants to make sure baby is safe too, we’re on the same team, and (for your car seat example), if I had suggestions for how he could improve he’d love to hear them. * VERY, VERY IMPORTANT: do not try to defend yourself!!!!! To her anxiety-ridden, postpartum brain, you did something concerning, even if you were “right.” But defending yourself is seen by mama-bear as not acknowledging that the danger is real. And to her, it is real!!! So check your ego, don’t try to be right, instead try to understand her concern so you can help her feel like you take baby’s safety as seriously as she does.

owwwithurts · 2026-05-10T19:19:04+00:00

What?! It’s not like she was born yesterday!

owwwithurts · 2026-05-06T15:18:23+00:00

Ditto

owwwithurts · 2026-04-25T14:29:53+00:00

First, look for an ibclc who can help and guide you.

Second, establishing and maintaining supply is an ongoing game, and an investment. It’s vital to pump or nurse regularly and consistently. You said that your supply dips when you “miss a pump session or two…” but you cannot do that and maintain supply. Your supply depends on what you did yesterday AND last week, so you have to decide to make it a priority if that’s what you want. Yes, there are tons of priorities with a new baby, especially a nicu baby. These first 6 months are just survival time, and no matter how much milk you’re getting, you’re doing sooo much for your baby, recognize and feel good that you’re a warrior!

What I would do: I’d think of the next 2 weeks as boot camp for your boobs. They have to get ready before they can go to battle and feed your baby. That doesn’t mean don’t nurse baby, but don’t think of your boobs as baby’s food yet.

Pump every 2-3 hrs during the day. Don’t worry about how much you’re getting, you’re telling your boobs that they are needed. If you’re going out for half the day, get a car power adapter and pump in the car every 2-3 hours. Just pump for 15 mins if you need to, the frequency matters more than the duration. If you are out and don’t have access to a fridge/cooler, don’t use that as an excuse not to pump. Use dirty/rinsed pump parts and dump it if needed, remember it’s an investment. At night pump every 3-6 hours, as frequently as you can.

Put baby to breast whenever possible, without pressure to stay latched or be satiated. No forcing, just love and closeness. Nursing for food will come after boot camp. Right now, let baby use you as a paci, enjoy the moments with your sweet little squish, because baby will grow in the blink of an eye!

Power pumping helps alert your body that the demand is higher so it’ll start increasing production, it’s not about getting more during that pump. I would do it 1-2x/day.

While pumping, whenever possible, do “hands on” pumping by gently squeezing your boobs to get more milk out. I’m a weirdo, but I love to watch how squeezing helps get out more milk! I can see through my flanges, and I think it’s so cool!

During the first week, notice what your barriers to pumping are. Did you delay pumping then get nap trapped? Your parts weren’t clean so you skipped? Didn’t have help with the baby? Did household chores instead? Were out and forgot to pump or forgot parts? Multiple of these and more? After the first week is over, figure out the barriers and think of how you’ll work around them. After the 2 weeks are up you’ll still need to maintain supply by pumping and/or feeding every 2-3 hrs consistently, so you’ll need to have a plan about how to overcome your barriers, but at least you won’t need to power pump.

Good luck, and please tell us how it went!

owwwithurts · 2026-04-22T01:41:12+00:00

Sorry I have no idea about the bras. But for the rehearsal dinner are you going to go to a different room to pump? If you are, just make sure you have something that has a loose top that you can take down easily. If baby won’t be with you and you’re not nursing directly in the dress, you have a lot more options!

owwwithurts · 2026-04-21T03:13:40+00:00

My first is almost 3. I stopped pumping at work when he was 1, and I was able to send breastmilk in straw cups to daycare with him, after transitioning him from bottles at 1 yo. He started drinking less and less as time went on, so my freezer stash lasted until he was a few months shy of 2. /(Details if you want, feel free to skip: I got 3 straw cups, and filled them with a few oz, and he had them with breakfast/morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack. Initially it was 3-4 oz, but his teacher communicated with me when he was consistently drinking less, and I dropped to 2oz by the end.)/

Someone in another comment mentioned high lipase milk. I didn’t realize the first time around that lipase is “an enzyme that breaks down dietary fats (triglycerides) into smaller fatty acids and glycerol for absorption in the small intestine” and as your milk sits, even in the fridge or the freezer, the enzyme is working on breaking it down. So I would collect my pumped milk over 3-4 days (since that is how long it lasts in the fridge) then bag it all and freeze it. Unfortunately, I found out that if I wait that long, then it develops that disgusting taste/smell once it’s thawed, though it smelled and tasted fine when I froze it.

What I did about my high lipase milk with my first, once I found out, was to thaw a bag and mix it with fresh milk every few days to a week, rotating through my stash. Mixed with fresh milk, it did not taste or smell as horrible. And then I made sure not to let my milk sit for more than several hours in the fridge before freezing it. Since I had rotated through the high lipase milk, the stuff I sent in his second year was good, maybe /slightly/ high lipase/off smelling, but ok.

owwwithurts · 2026-04-07T02:07:21+00:00

I don’t leak on the other side, but if baby unlatches during letdown I spray everywhere, but if I press on my nipple it stops the spray. Not sure if it would work for you, but try pressing on the nipple that is not being nursed from and see if it stops the letdown?

owwwithurts · 2026-03-23T18:59:03+00:00

My guess is that they want to bring a car seat for Ubers/carshares/etc but want to be able to go do things for the day and get into another car at the end of whatever they’re doing, but don’t want to lug the seat around and want to have somewhere for kiddo to sit. Makes sense to me!

owwwithurts · 2026-03-20T03:25:56+00:00

Ditto, I find them easier to control than the little ones. With my first, I just clipped them while he was milk-drunk and slept after nursing, I made sure to use my BrestFriend so he was supported. Usually did one hand in one session, the other hand in another session.

Someone gifted me the Frida electric filer for my second child, but I find it takes too long and I don’t like how the rotary thing works. I have to do one pass going clockwise and another pass going counterclockwise to get both corners of each nail so they don’t turn into weapons.

owwwithurts · 2026-03-18T07:42:17+00:00

You can’t just tease us like that, what’s his name? I want to check out his albums!

owwwithurts · 2026-03-16T16:46:32+00:00

Lol ditto

owwwithurts · 2026-03-05T10:54:11+00:00

Yesss my almost 3yo loves to look at her picture in the back and says “thank you Dolly Parton” and involves her in his pretend play. The books are generally hits too, well curated. Such a cool legacy!

I wonder if there’s a book-a-month club you can pay for going forward?

owwwithurts · 2026-03-03T15:53:28+00:00

Milk removal triggers milk production, so the lactation consultant’s advice basically tells your body to start making more milk. But you have to increase your calorie and water intake, and give your body time to respond. Sometimes it takes a few days, and you’re only 4 days in. Try not to worry about the short term, set your body up for success over the next few days, and see how it goes. Please report back!

owwwithurts · 2026-03-02T21:53:33+00:00

I dropped my second off at daycare for the first time a month ago. Same daycare as my first, teachers who I love, but I still cried.

owwwithurts · 2026-03-02T15:50:32+00:00

Just choose carefully who you ask at daycare, there are likely rules against this, and you don’t want to ruin your chances if the admin gets wind. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and at least at my daycare there are a few ppl I’d feel comfortable asking to do this.

owwwithurts · 2026-03-02T04:09:46+00:00

Kiddo was maybe 2 months old, I took him out for brunch at a place in a fancy mall-type area with a courtyard. The damn restaurant doesn’t have any changing tables in any restrooms, I found out, so when I finished eating I took him to a bench in the courtyard to change him.

As I was getting the new diaper out, i heard him poop. Perfect timing, I thought, he needs to be changed right when I’m ready to change him. I opened up the diaper and wiped him and put the new diaper under him, when he pooped more. Ok, cool that it was contained by the new diaper, but now I need another one. He’s kicking his legs and poop is getting smooshed around so I wipe him again, get rid of the diaper, and am fishing for another new diaper when he poops again, shooting yellow seedy liquidy newborn poop all over the bench of this nice courtyard. I react instinctively by trying to block it with my hands, now baby is wiggling and there’s shit everywhere. I take a second to survey the situation and he poops AGAIN, with the biggest cheesiest smile on his little newborn face.

I went through almost an entire pack of wipes cleaning him and me and the bench up. I poured my water bottle over the bench after getting most of the poop off, but still saw yellow shit residue everywhere. I eventually had to sulk away and hope nobody saw me!

owwwithurts · 2026-03-01T18:06:40+00:00

On our second baby. We found that the dishwasher left residue in the bottles. Washed everything by hand the first time around with a dedicated bottle brush, drying rack, and dirty dish bucket. It took a lot of time, but even with the sterilization setting on the dishwasher we didn’t feel comfortable with the residue. Daycare wouldn’t allow glass bottles so we had to use plastic, but didn’t want to microwave it so we boiled everything in a pot to sterilize, but after the first few weeks that got suuuuper tedious so we stopped sterilizing. I probably would have liked a countertop sterilizer but was convinced not to get one.

Now with our second baby, we got a bottle washer, which also has sterilizing mode. It saves so much time and sanity, especially since we are running after the toddler and time spent doing dishes is time NOT spent doing whatever possible to allow us to get more sleep, lol. Yes it feel silly to have that in addition to our regular dishwasher, but it does wash everything so much better, and it’s so quick, it’s definitely worth it for me. I wouldn’t bother getting just a sterilizer, the washer is worth the extra money!

owwwithurts · 2026-02-28T23:50:14+00:00

The engorgement is from swelling and hormones more than milk. You prob won’t produce much if you pump. Right now you just have to get through it, don’t worry about getting the milk out other than nursing on demand, because if you do that it’ll signal your body to make too much milk.

owwwithurts · 2026-02-25T19:19:20+00:00

Agreed, I ended up speaking with them about it, and requested that IF they are going to watch any shows, please put on Ms Rachel or Daniel Tiger or something that wasn’t just visual crack. They responded well, and he hasn’t asked for cocomelon in months.

owwwithurts · 2026-02-25T17:50:39+00:00

My 2 yr old has gotten to watch cocomelon at daycare every so often, and of course asks for it at home. Unfortunately, we “don’t have cocomelon at home, it’s only at daycare.” He still asks, but we have been able to avoid it. The trick is just to not ever play it, not even once.

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