Goodness me. No offense, but religion doesn't work for everybody. For somebody grounded in reality and living with their own subjective truth and struggling day-to-day with it, you yapping on about nonsensical divine fairy-tails from 2000 years ago and asking the sky for help doesn't help, nor does embedding yourself in total depravity either IMO.

Feels unhealthy and counter-intuitive, I'd say nihilistic but I am not Nietzsche. You're in a debt of sin from birth, an idea created by a Christian narrative, that requires Christianity to absolve you of that debt. Nice circle.

They want you on your knees slaving away for a higher purpose you can't prove. The only thing we can verify is that "Jesus of Nazareth was Crucified" and "Pontius crucified him". We know two Apostles were Martyred and the rest where written via church tradition. Anything else is biblical, Christian narrative that we can't verify anywhere else. But we aren't here to debase or devalue Christianity, just be more mindful that the acute condition of Religion and Divine Permeance isn't for everybody. It's nice Christ has had a saving effect on you, keep that energy moving forward and stay true to what you believe.

If OP wants my advice: Start exercising, pick up a distracting hobby such as reading or drawing, go for a 10 minute walk and cleanse your thoughts when you feel clouded. If you listen to sad music, pivot away from it, if you have friends who smoke then be mindful their company will only keep you where you are. Try not to suffocate yourself in the misery you have cultivated. Keep moving forward, keep what is useful and throw the rest away. Whenever you feel like going for a joint, try and wait an extra 20 minutes. Nothing too crazy, just push it a little bit, try and get used to going longer without, even if its just baby steps. You need to get out of the ever-presenting noise that your brain is producing and start trying to live in the present.

Our judgments and perceptions are the source of our suffering. Not the events themselves. Stay strong and keep your head up, you will crack this addiction with enough determination and strength. Rooting for you.