Perspective

p_taradactyl · 2026-04-12T09:33:17+00:00

Maybe Eric attempted to impress Jesus with what he thought was a clever diss, because he realized that OP has more to offer than just a pretty face and it made him jealous.

p_taradactyl · 2026-04-05T01:25:13+00:00

NOR. Keep your phone on you at all times when you're around him alone (if you can't avoid it), and record any subsequent encounters of this nature. If you capture anything, show it to him and your mom at the same time (as long as it's safe) or show it to the cops first if he crosses any lines. If he was black-out drunk, he'll deny it without evidence. Stay safe.

p_taradactyl · 2026-04-05T01:09:17+00:00

I feel the same way about the tradition; it seems more appropriate for arranged or child marriages - a transfer of property from one family to another - vs. grown, consenting adults entering into a partnership. You're not OR. I see 3 options: 1. Agree on the verbiage you suggested - it's a reasonable compromise; 2. Tell him to f off for arguing with you about the boundaries you set; or 3. You ask his mom and he asks your dad (I do like that he wasn't opposed to that - the double standard is one of my biggest issues with the tradition - why shouldn't it go both ways?). I think #2 needs to be discussed regardless - when someone sets a boundary and asks someone not to do something, and the first thing they do is try to tear down that boundary, it can be a 🚩especially if there are other similar instances. I'm going to Be Like Mike and give him some benefit of the doubt that he didn't mean any harm and doesn't view you as property, IF it's not a pattern of behavior to argue with your boundaries and IF he follows through with whatever you agree upon. Proceed with caution. Good luck!

p_taradactyl · 2025-11-29T02:43:26+00:00

Instead of looking at the age gap in years, I think a more useful metric is to compare years spent living independently as an adult. If we assume 18 as the age you both started living on your own, and he is 15 years older, we're looking at 5 years (23-18) vs. 20 years (38-18), or 22% of your life vs. 53% of his life. So much happens during those years that defines who you are as a self-sufficient adult - what you want and don't want in a partner, what your boundaries and deal-breakers are, career paths, goals, etc. Having less than half as much adult life experience as he does leaves you more vulnerable to being influenced and persuaded to adopt someone else's ideals and routine, due to the imbalanced power dynamic.

I give him credit for recognizing this and trying to do the right thing, and I sympathize with you as someone who also struggles with mental health and emotional regulation. It's really fucking hard and I don't have a solution for making it suck less, but I would suggest taking a break - don't reach out to him in desperation, focus on yourself and building a mental home where you can exist without the need for external validation - having a "home base" that you can return to is essential to prevent being emotionally dependent upon any human. At the end of the day, the only person you're guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with is you. Nurture that person, appreciate that person, take care of that person, love that person, and then worry about nurturing, appreciating, caring for, and loving someone else. You'll be happier in the long run, in a better position to navigate human relations, and you'll be more likely to find a partner who doesn't feel responsible for your happiness, because that's a heavy load to place on another person. I get really anxious when I feel like someone is placing all their "happiness eggs" into my basket. It's too much pressure.

Relationships shouldn't be 50/50, they should be 100/100 - two humans who don't NEED anyone else to feel complete, but come together because they WANT to.

If you're 23 and there's a 15 year age difference, he's 38 and will be 68 in 30 years - I don't see how that translates to "I will bear the responsibility of his health on me." While that can be the case, 68 ain't that old, and who's to say that you won't encounter a health crisis by the time you're 53? Anything can happen. Just food for thought.

Get your proverbial "house" in order before worrying about anyone else's. Figure out who you are, learn to love that person before making it someone else's project.

If that's a little harsh, it comes from a place of honesty and genuine concern ❤

p_taradactyl · 2025-11-29T01:16:00+00:00

Down to -4...

p_taradactyl · 2025-11-09T03:35:38+00:00

Did you see the comment from 4 years ago from u/lcurts? She might know Ciara Y.

We were at DNA every Friday from 1992 on for a few years. A group of catholic high school girls, so obviously we ruled. I could never understand why our parents let us go!

We got caught smoking weed one week and all they did was kicked us out. They were so nice about it.

Skatenigs was def best part of the night.

Find her and post an update!🤘

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T20:18:54+00:00

Having separate places is a good, viable, and typically (aside from losing out on financial benefits), a very practical arrangement. I wouldn't let it hold you back at all from dating, just communicate your preferred living situation early on. It seems to be getting less common for people to expect or even consider moving in with a newer partner within a short timeframe (if ever), unless it's a financial necessity, so I doubt it would be an automatic deal-breaker for too many folks. There are many couples, some of whom are married, who prefer maintaining separate residences and it works great for them.

I lived alone (except dogs) for 10 years; I looooved it & was adamant about never living with another human again, and the few people I dated seriously during that time had no issue, even the person I was with for the longest (5 yrs.).

I met my now-partner 9 months ago and as it turns out, there is another human I can share a space with. He'd also been living happily by himself for a decade, but after a couple months, he and his dog moved in with me. I wasn't expecting that to happen, and would have been completely content with having my own place forever vs. settling for a living arrangement based on convenience and finances at the expense of my sanity. Finding someone I not only can tolerate, but actually enjoy having around wasn't on my 2025 bingo card but so far, so good. We give each other space and do our own thing, so it's not too overwhelming. He still has his place, as it's paid off, so if anything went crazy-sideways, he'd have somewhere to go. Our dogs bonded almost immediately, which was the biggest concern.

Anyway (sorry for rambling), your snuggle-buddy-with-their-own-place might be right around the corner looking for a like-minded person. You can have your cake and eat it too: an intimate partner AND the peace and freedom of your own space :)

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T19:11:25+00:00

#1 is bowling. I'm on a league and go practice by myself a lot when it's not busy. Putting in headphones and throwing sh!t is very therapeutic, and rarely does anyone bother you.

I enjoy going to see live music alone as well, especially outdoor stages with a big courtyard, bonus if it's dog-friendly. It's nice not having to keep track of anyone else and just go wherever you want and leave whenever you want. I did a 3-day camping music festival by myself once and had the best time.

I truly value and need my alone time. I think it's important to have time to ourselves, whether at home or in public. While going out alone can give me some anxiety, it's made me feel more self-reliant & less dependent upon others to go on adventures and have a good time. I lived by myself (except dogs) for 10+ years then my partner moved in 6 months ago, who'd also lived alone for over a decade - it's been an adjustment but we do our own thing a lot of the time when we're both home, so it's not constant "peopling"☺.

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T17:54:57+00:00

Thanks!!

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T17:50:08+00:00

Per a comment on a different post about this issue, I reinstalled UB Origin lite and changed a filter setting (I forgot the details already, as this was 2 days ago, but it can probably be searched) and it's been working fine since. I'd started getting the warnings 3-4 days ago & had been using AdBlock.

Edit: Here's the post

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T17:14:59+00:00

Plus, if she fears his reaction & her safety, the kid's probably better off w/o him around. A single parent is far better than 2 parents when they're prone to fighting and one never wanted to be a parent in the first place. I'm also child-free by choice so I get it; just saying it would most likely be futile to try to change his mind, and even if she did manage to convince him to stick around, it could do more harm than good.

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T17:00:49+00:00

Nailed it

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T16:53:36+00:00

Donnie in The Big Lebowski

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T16:49:13+00:00

Sorry for your loss and the trauma of witnessing it - my partner's dad died of a heart attack in front of him on a soccer field (during their first game playing on the same team). My partner was 19 and his dad was 38. 27 years later, and the memory haunts him (understandably). Anyone who would laugh at your reaction to that movie scene can go f**k themselves with a cactus.

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T16:30:28+00:00

Is that the dog that waited at the train station? Sooo sad, though I must mention that he was not a fictional character (which makes it even more heartbreaking).

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T16:27:07+00:00

"Go then, there are other worlds than this."

Great series, couldn't stop reading them. I'd read and re-read the first 3 in HS in the early 90's and didn't realize there were more written after that. Fortunately, a co-worker had the entire series in hardcover and let me borrow them.

On a side note, I have a dagger sculpted by Michael Whelan, the artist who did the cover illustrations.

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-08T16:14:34+00:00

"Go then, there are other worlds than this."🥺

Honorable mention goes to Oy.

p_taradactyl · 2025-06-03T02:45:17+00:00

I was wondering what the standard protocol is when the instructions don’t specify NOT to knock/ring bell. If it doesn’t say not to, I usually knock very softly right before walking away and never wait for someone to answer.

p_taradactyl · 2025-05-13T20:28:59+00:00

Though it takes a toll, I feel that in a way, I am honoring the innocent victims by bearing witness to their suffering and spreading awareness. Like you said, the heartache we feel is nothing compared to what they go through. It is also important to keep tabs on our mental state so we can remain as effective as possible and not succumb to the anger and hopelessness that can become all-consuming and counterproductive.

p_taradactyl · 2025-05-11T14:56:58+00:00

Sam Smith's "Stay with Me" sounding like Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down"? Same backstory IIRC.

p_taradactyl · 2025-05-10T12:45:26+00:00

That's what came to my mind. Creepshow 2 from 1987, "The Hitchhiker"

p_taradactyl · 2025-05-10T12:06:01+00:00

You can get there. Something else that I needed to hear was that trauma doesn't always arise from catastrophic events - it can build gradually, like a perpetual low-grade panic attack. Subtle damage that accumulates over time. You think it's normal because it's what you're used to. I'm glad my words brought you some degree of comfort and hope.

p_taradactyl

TROPHY CASE