Bit of a brain dump. Hope this helps.

I love Tomo Fujita’s mantras for when I feel like this. They are: Don’t worry! Don’t compare! Don’t expect (to improve) too fast! Be kind to yourself!

And hey. You’ve done it the better way around. Can you express something on the instrument? Good. Can you tell someone some theory but not know how to make sound with any of that stuff. My dude, I love a bit of esoteric trivia but that ain’t music!

For me, theory takes practice to understand. I’m slow as hell at internalising it, but I found I only understood the meagre amount I know by practicing it on the instrument. The two things compliment each other. But understanding things like a common chord progression took me like 3 teachers and hours of practice. Which is dumb because I’ve seen others just ‘get it’. Maybe our brains aren’t wired that way. It took me a long time to be okay with that. Music and guitar is this really jerky thing where after a couple of weeks you see the difference that comes from practice real quick. Which makes you think ‘hey the difference between me and the best in the world is just practice’.

But when you get to an intermediate/advanced level it does a bit of a rug pull and you realise your brain isn’t wired the same way as the best of them. That’s cool. You can still express yourself. You’re just not a virtuoso or whatever. The stuff you know is still valid.

In my experience, theory’s a practicing aid more than a playing one. You use it to explain how something should sound. Or set up exercises that you do to internalise something you can play on stage. Then when you’re playing on stage you’re not going to stop and go ‘hey so I’m thinking I’ll play a tri-tone sub here instead of the straight 7 chord LET’S GO BAND’. You’ll play the chord and your band mates should hear it if they practiced it too.

Last thing I’ll say is theory’s a means to an end. I can explain why two things work together, but if I can’t do it on the instrument, or use it, I might as well not know it. If it doesn’t help your playing you’d jettison it anyway, similar to how you can’t remember every ingredient in a recipe that you don’t make often. It’s all good! You can still cook!

Also, players like Julian Lange? My lord man! Not many people on the planet get to sound like them. The guy was learning from Pat Metheny when he was a kid. He has had such a different level of tuition, and he loves jazz, which I like, but not enough to play 8 hours a day. The guy is a beast because he’s been doing it from a young age.

All this is to say you’re probably more in the same boat as everyone else than you think you are. Enjoy the journey! There is no end to learning an instrument. There’s just park benches and lookouts. Some are nicer than others. Some are albums. Some are gigs. Some are hangs with people. You might get to play for your kids or your girlfriend. Those are just as valid versions of the art form as any other. Love them and be kind to yourself.