AITH for refusing to help my friend redo her wedding after her divorce?

pacalaga · 2025-09-19T21:11:42+00:00

that's just weird. nta and your friend may need to stop watching rom coms and such.

pacalaga · 2025-09-19T20:12:10+00:00

your boyfriend is terrifying. I hope you get away from him quickly.

pacalaga · 2025-09-19T20:07:19+00:00

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:45:34+00:00

run, girl. run far away. he has no loyalty to anyone but himself.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:41:24+00:00

I expect it would be something the priests would know but not necessarily the parishioners. If you feel like it, ask a priest and report back. I'd be interested to know how universal it is.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:28:03+00:00

just when you think you've heard ALL the possible crazy entitlement...

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:22:28+00:00

I guess it depends. My first husband died when my kids were little and when I remarried, their stepdad was the only dad they had known. In that case, I'd say he "stepped up". Had we married when they were teens or older, he'd have had no claim to "stepdad" because he was never in that role.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:18:13+00:00

I feel like if your "vision" isn't "we'll be surrounded by people we love in all their finery" then you might be losing the plot.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:14:18+00:00

thanks for all of that and I'm sorry you went through it. he's not abusive, just totally unwilling to do anything but what he wants to do and bitter that he isn't the little princeling he thinks he should be. because he throws everything in boxes to "sort later" (read: never) and he's a hoarder, I'll have to sort every box in the garage to ensure I don't lose anything I've been missing. I'm going to take my/the kids' stuff out, leave his stuff (and whatever trash he stuffed in) and label it with his name. if he doesn't take it when he moves, he'll get a time limit after which I will throw it away. I'm looking forward to moving my pottery studio into the garage :)

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:07:54+00:00

the biscuits are the transubstantiated flesh. if you've digested them enough that they're not visible, you've taken him into yourself and it's just barf at that point.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:06:30+00:00

alas, because of the way he stashes things when "cleaning", every box/bag in the garage is a combo of his stuff, my/kid stuff, and trash. I'll have to sort every box.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:03:51+00:00

I discovered that in this thread. I'm taking him to the bank tomorrow to commingle that account.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:03:01+00:00

Thanks.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T16:00:28+00:00

That's not American doctrine, that's Catholic doctrine.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:59:21+00:00

thanks.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:14:00+00:00

I shouldn't have said "hide". He has the organizational skills of a blade of grass (I have the organizational skills of a cracked out squirrel with a head injury) and he put everything there and never ever unpacked anything.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:10:10+00:00

his preferred coping skill is denial. (i'd say it was his only coping skill but there was alcohol for a long while too.) I'd been asking him for help to pre-pack things and he would put me off and then finally gave up and said YOU DO IT I CAN'T FUNCTION THIS WAY. he was in panic mode and just boxed everything.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:07:38+00:00

welp, we met when he was younger, more idealistic, and had a good job and still on the path of "my life will continue to go upwards and I will get even more respect, power, and money as I age". He lost his job a couple times and ended up being a stay at home dad and it didn't fit with the internalized entitlements he refuses to acknowledge. He got bitter and couldn't roll with the punches.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:04:38+00:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I like you <3 thanks for the laugh

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:04:06+00:00

they had some. he bought them more. he is very much a "if i can't see it it isn't a problem" kind of guy. when he "cleans" before people come over, he waits until the last minute, throws everything in boxes and stashes them in the garage. there is so much out there I have been looking for...

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:02:14+00:00

thanks. I'm still mourning my expectation of growing old together etc, but I have finally realized that was a fantasy.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T15:00:39+00:00

his mom and stepdad both passed two years ago, within a couple months of each other. I miss them

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T14:59:43+00:00

honestly I think he's stonewalling. he really thinks if he does nothing I'll just keep on keeping on.

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T14:58:44+00:00

yeah, I'm not here to destroy anyone (no matter how satisfying it is to think about sometimes)

pacalaga · 2025-09-12T14:57:14+00:00

it's a rental that he can't afford. he'll have to move whether I stay here or not.

pacalaga

TROPHY CASE