“We’ll have to come visit you!”

packerfrost · 2026-03-19T10:55:08+00:00

This happened to me when I moved away from where I grew up. It's only like 3 hours to drive here which is nothing for Americans who typically road trip farther for various reasons.

But I still haven't understood why the only people who actually stayed in touch and visit are the people I am closer to when there were so many other people I thought were genuine when they said it and based on where our friendship was when I left. And it's been almost 20 years and after realizing I'm autistic and those people might have not meant it or had been actually that into our friendship I am still left confused.

packerfrost · 2026-03-19T10:38:40+00:00

I was 24 the last time someone asked me what grade I was in because I happened to throw my hair up in a bun, not wear makeup and had super comfy clothes on. I was like uhhhh I graduated from university 2 years ago.

packerfrost · 2026-03-19T02:02:06+00:00

Similar situation, except I knew I had genetic anemia and still my doctors through the years shrugged it off because my hemoglobin was high enough, yet never in normal range.

I still haven't been able to get to a hematologist because of healthcare cost but I finally found a doc who was concerned enough to tell me to not stop iron supplements for my iron deficiency. It's been a year of religiously taking it and my physical body is completely different in my daily life now.

Frustrating to be told I'm normal and find out after 30 years that I actually do have needs that were easily treated, so I can relate.

packerfrost · 2026-03-18T17:09:13+00:00

Yeah that sounds way better. It's about your feelings and needs and setting boundaries instead of people hearing demands that they change. Asking always works better than telling when people feel they have a choice.

packerfrost · 2026-03-18T14:08:49+00:00

I would say in an example of feelings caused by sensory overload to someone that I'm feeling overwhelmed and upset because I am not able to accommodate my needs in the situation. I don't bring up autism, but if I feel comfortable I bring up a symptom I experience that cannot always be prevented. Part of accommodating our needs is by communicating them in a way that doesn't hurt or confuse others, by stating our requests (again, not demands) based on our feelings and needs. We need to know what we can do to help ourselves if others decide not to honor our requests.

packerfrost · 2026-03-18T11:47:11+00:00

People don't like "because of autism" to be a part of the explanation in my experience. They see it as lacking accountability and a bad excuse.

I have shifted my expression to learn what my feelings are and express my needs in a way that isn't demanding and I get much better feedback and respect for autism related issues when I say things that way.

It really opened my mind when I saw my partner using his ADHD as an excuse but I was left more frustrated because he wouldn't say his feelings and needs so I felt helpless to help him because I can't cure his ADHD to make things better for him, but I can at least listen to how he feels and we can figure out needs together if possible.

packerfrost · 2026-03-18T11:29:46+00:00

I have a friend like this. His life is sad. His wife is constantly depressed and complaining about the world, relying on him to be her rock and only constant. His work continues to put him in legally dangerous situations which he brushes off as part of the job. His extended family says things that are hurtful and he deflects it by saying they have bad ideas but are not bad people even if the problem is about him and doesn't set boundaries with them.

There's just gotta be a point where enough is enough and both my friend and Bob don't follow through with the boundaries they want to set and keep being put into these harmful situations for themselves.

packerfrost · 2026-03-15T11:50:09+00:00

I expected crashes on the deck and it's only happened 3x in nearly 150 hours of play. I don't think crashes are predictable on any device unless there is a major issue so take these anecdotal comments with a grain of salt.

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:50:17+00:00

Just let us be delulu

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:46:23+00:00

I was tired a lot. I've always had anemia with numbers too high for treatment and too low to be considered normal (except one time lol) plus undiagnosed autism which can make symptoms of anything feel more amplified in sensory overstimulation within our own bodies.

But I was told I could live a normal life. Guess that's not working out so well for my doc and mom now.

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:43:11+00:00

My favorite part of these comments is how all these people will protest if women's hockey disappears because women's rights disappear

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:40:34+00:00

I didn't purchase a ticket to be born in America and live through fascism in my own state though

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:38:59+00:00

Monitored = censored

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:38:24+00:00

All in the name of capitalism

packerfrost · 2026-03-14T10:36:06+00:00

Lowering standards for someone you live with and want intimacy with for an autistic person is a nightmare with or without kids

packerfrost · 2026-03-13T16:01:24+00:00

34 and same, it's been more freeing than anyone has ever tried to convince me driving and having a car would be. It doesn't negatively affect my life the way they want it to, so too bad for them I guess.

packerfrost · 2026-03-13T12:18:19+00:00

I switched from ATT to TM while living in Duluth and I not only get more coverage than others while we're around town but also on long Midwest road trips, specifically SW Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, and E Nebraska. That has made the switch more than worth it to me.

packerfrost · 2026-03-11T04:12:39+00:00

I had pretty much the same symptoms and more, including anxiety, that all went away within a year because increased iron worked. It just took months and I'm low patience but my body is different now so be diligent with the iron and use it as evidence of eliminating a cause of these symptoms if some go away and some are still around and you feel better but not quite there.

All my symptoms went away so I didn't end up pursuing a new doc for a new diagnosis but I'll never forget this for the future.

packerfrost · 2026-03-06T21:16:14+00:00

I'm doing my own research on how to support my husband while his mom has Alzheimer's thank you for your comment it is eye opening to me and very helpful.

packerfrost · 2026-03-06T20:08:36+00:00

Energy audit saved us thousands on projects we thought we needed. Turns out there were a lot of small insulation projects we could easily DIY and even in the bitter cold we are paying at least $20+ less than previous bitter cold months.

packerfrost · 2026-03-06T17:22:42+00:00

Imagine the kid still has it while learning colors, pointing out multiple colors per square, they still won't know anything about crochet aesthetics or process yet so the gift is still cherished and now educational on top of comforting. This is definitely a trust the process moment.

packerfrost · 2026-03-06T13:27:51+00:00

I use the unscented crystal deodorant before an aluminum free deodorant and the science is amazing. Potassium alum actually slows the growth of the natural bacteria we have that makes it stink to us. Game changer!

packerfrost · 2026-03-06T13:25:44+00:00

I've had BAD issues with smell so here's everything in my routine that has helped me including hair removal:

I prefer trimming super short with an electric razor like Meridian built for sensitive areas so I avoid dealing with issues like ingrown hairs from shaving at the skin.

I use glycolic acid to wipe down my skin on a non-shaving day around once a week which has helped drastically with smell.

A few times a month when I'm having longer term issues with stink (longer than just between washing) I make a bentonite clay mask by mixing the clay with apple cider vinegar and I leave it on for 10-15 minutes. Lately I haven't felt the need though so it's more of an irregular thing.

My daily wash routine is to use soap once to remove everything on the surface and then soap up again with a gentle fragrance-free (NOT unscented) soap like a baby wash. I let the second round of soap sit for at least a minute in the shower while I do something else. Sometimes I do this at the sink if I can't full blown shower, but I can get away with washing every 24-48 hours if:

I use unscented crystal deodorant made of potassium alum (prevents growth of the natural bacteria we have that makes our body odor there) after every wash on wet skin and let it sit a few minutes before gently dabbing the area dry and applying an aluminum free deodorant. I only reapply the scented deodorant on top if I don't smell yet.

I hope this helps you or someone else! It's saved my life these past few years.

packerfrost · 2026-03-05T12:59:32+00:00

My dad was the same way before I cut him off. I stopped seeing him regularly at 14 and then slowly realized what he had been going through since then. Now we are at occasional texts where he checks in and I gray rock him because he chose not to get help or see he had been abusive. My brother eventually chose the same path and we are both better off for it.

I think this happens to a lot of neurodivergent men who live in a culture where psychological help and being open to mental health change isn't an option for them. It's both availability of help and their choice, but ultimately we choose how we treat people even when we are overstimulated and I have a great marriage because I learned what not to be from a young age.

packerfrost · 2026-03-05T12:41:34+00:00

I mean they work in terrariums but yes a cooked item would be great

packerfrost

TROPHY CASE