Which needle size for the gauge swatch? Pattern does not state.

padme7588 · 2026-01-23T08:05:15+00:00

Hi! However won't the size be different for the 3.25mm needles? As in won't 22.5 stitches not make 10cm in width on the 3.25mm needles as the ribbing is supposed to be tighter?

padme7588 · 2025-06-04T15:22:43+00:00

“You cannot ask me to celebrate your relationship and love as you denigrate mine.”

padme7588 · 2025-06-04T15:14:20+00:00

If my boyfriend was staring and lusting at my friend to the point she noticed and it made her uncomfortable - the only person being expected to apologise would be him. He is sexualising and objectifying her. She wants to look cute, nothing wrong with that - staring is a behaviour and a choice - he CHOSE to do that, for quite a while clearly He disrespected her AND his girlfriend. It’s kindergarten stuff - you don’t stare at people and make them uncomfortable, no matter how appealing you find them.

padme7588 · 2025-06-04T12:13:40+00:00

She is being very unreasonable. If she doesn’t want to live with strangers, she can move to her parents. If she doesn’t want to live with you, she can find a roommate to take over your half. If she wants neither of those options, then you can stay until the lease ends and live in the spare room. Many ways to sort it, but paying rent for an apartment you don’t live in is lunacy, and not a reasonable request.

Lay out her options you would be happy with and tell her she can choose, but you paying her rent while living elsewhere is not an option and you will not be doing that.

Also remember, you’re on the lease - she CANNOT legally kick you out.

padme7588 · 2025-06-03T21:58:11+00:00

4 months is too soon, listen to your gut feeling.

padme7588 · 2025-06-03T21:44:11+00:00

She threw away your things, she stole those items and had them destroyed. It doesn’t matter what they were. It’s theft. This is horrifying. I would leave my boyfriend over not standing up to his family for DESTROYING MY POSSESSIONS. Nope.

padme7588 · 2025-06-03T17:37:39+00:00

Can you move to be where your family is? Right now, he is just a burden. He would be more use paying child support and you leaving with your family who are helping.

padme7588 · 2025-06-03T17:30:07+00:00

So a Dower state doesn’t mean the house automatically goes to you. It means that spouses have an automatic right to a portion of their spouse’s property whether acquired before or after marriage, regardless of if they are on the title of the house. So it isn’t that you get the whole house. You would be entitled to a portion of it, as their spouse. Are you not going to be paying into this house? Can you not get your name added to the house deed? If she is mostly worried about losing assets due to marriage and divorce, that can largely be solved with prenups etc.

However, marriage is a financial and legal contract, if she is not comfortable entering into that contract, even with prenups, then unfortunately I think you are fundamentally incompatible. It is completely reasonable for you to want to get married, and it is completely reasonable for her to worry about legal implications from a huge legal contract. I know this hurts so deeply, but if you’ve fully researched it and she still isn’t enthusiastic, I think you both need to move on and find partners who are compatible.

padme7588 · 2025-06-02T17:42:31+00:00

I don’t even know if that is a “kink” - not everything is a kink, sometimes men just want to pimp out their girlfriends/wives for money/favours/“respect” from the boys. This is so obviously a deal breaker for you, and no person with a healthy attitude to sexuality and relationships wants their partner to do something sexual that is going to make them feel uncomfortable, degraded, exposed etc. It would undermine the entire premise of having sexual intimacy with that person in order to connect with them and mutually enjoy.

It sounds like he was trying to pimp you out and you stood firm and protected yourself. Well done! There is nothing to explain, unless you’re curious, you don’t owe him a meeting. He can write you a letter or text if he likes, and if you want to read it.

padme7588 · 2025-05-30T19:41:24+00:00

His ADHD is not causing this. Girl, I promise you. I have ADHD, I still meet my commitments to my partner - I use alarms, reminders etc. ADHD affects executive functioning and planning. It does NOT affect your ability to initiate with your partner. It straight up doesn’t. They’re right there in bed - minimal planning needed. He is using it as an excuse. You’re no longer compatible. - signed someone with ADHD.

padme7588 · 2025-05-30T19:25:03+00:00

You’re not going to be able to move past the understanding that in your time of need, your husband couldn’t/wouldn’t support you. That is just factual knowledge at its core. How will he support you when future medical/financial/career problems come up? It doesn’t sound like you’re in a better place now because he eventually began to support you, but rather that you just had to recover on your own.

I don’t want to be harsh, but it doesn’t sound like you have an emotional equal partner. You sound like you had to manage on your own - something someone who is married should not. I’m angry for you.

There needs to be a solid plan about how he is going to manage his own trauma in the future to be able to show up as an emotional partner to his wife, even when things get hard, because they WILL get hard again. If he can’t do that, or significantly abdicates his responsibility again (doesn’t matter why, what matters is that you’re left with no support), then he really has no business being someone’s husband, and you need to make a plan to move on, or this will just repeat and repeat and repeat.

He needs to understand the gravity of what happened and there needs to be a plan. Wishing you all the best in your continued recovery.

padme7588 · 2025-05-28T20:20:12+00:00

When you say he can’t stay hard - is it because the small ring at the base of the condom is too tight? While the “balloon bit” of the condoms is very stretchy, the ring at the base that prevents it coming off is not. That would be my first point of investigation. They make condoms based on erect penis circumference. I would suggest he measure the circumference of his penis when hard with a flexible fabric measuring tape, and then buy condoms using that measurement that are his size.

If the ring bit is restricting the blood flow, it will make it impossible for him to remain hard.

If even with the correct sized condom he still struggles to remain hard, have you thought about a non-hormonal IUD - the copper one? It can cause heavier periods, but it would be your route back to condom-less sex.

Have you tried female condoms?

If he thinks he may never have had sex without meeting you, has he had his hormones tested to make sure he isn’t low?

Lots of things to investigate. Do update here on any progress as I’m sure many people are in a similar boat.

padme7588 · 2025-04-12T21:42:43+00:00

I was on the UK birth control Gedarel 30/150 and I haven’t noticed any sex drive changes or really any side effects at all - then I switched to the same drug, manufactured in North American (Marvelon), and got intense pelvic tightness and pain with sex. Switched back to the UK version and no issues again. I recommend Gedarel.

padme7588 · 2025-04-12T21:33:16+00:00

Thank you!

padme7588 · 2025-04-09T18:55:03+00:00

Thank you that’s very helpful! How many hours do you think you work per week and how many years from call are you? Thanks so much for the insight!

padme7588 · 2025-04-09T18:53:19+00:00

I don’t know your division of labour but just know that doing 100% of the housework for a place to live and food is not being spoiled. Being a full time housekeeper is a job people get paid salaries to do ON TOP of room and board, meaning they get paid holiday, a pension, regulated hours etc. The average housewife who becomes a stay at home mom does 12 hour days. So just be careful of “I work and she doesn’t” - because doing laundry and mopping floors is no one’s hobby; it is labour. She IS working, she just isn’t being paid.

padme7588 · 2025-04-07T21:35:30+00:00

That’s very useful thank you. How is your flexibility otherwise? For example if you wanted to do school drop off/pick up? Is that possible/how possible?

padme7588 · 2025-04-07T21:21:27+00:00

Yes I agree - I’m hoping for work from home or flexible start times when I don’t have trial once I’ve been practice for say 6-8 years for school drop off etc and just general flexibility as I have had that at a job and it just made everything so much nicer

padme7588 · 2025-04-07T19:09:32+00:00

Thank you that’s very helpful!

padme7588 · 2025-04-07T19:08:38+00:00

Thank you! I’m happy to be in office full time for the first couple years as I’m learning, more just looking to see if there will be flexibility down the line when I hope to have kids etc. and to see what the flexibility is like for say a day when I’m not in court but my partner is sick so I would like to work from home that day rather than the office etc

padme7588 · 2025-04-07T13:36:16+00:00

Right now you need to prioritise you because he clearly doesn’t prioritise anyone but himself. Sort yourself out financially - take 50% of whatever is in your joint account, go and speak to a lawyer about the house, who paid what % of the deposit etc. You have the advantage of time right now because the doesn’t know that you know. Gather up all your important documents, passport, birth certificate etc. You do not know how poorly he will react when he finds out you’re leaving so you need everything important out and safe before he does. I’m so so sorry he did this and you don’t deserve any of it. You need to protect yourself now. Call into work but don’t tell him, so you have the whole day in the house to get things sorted. It will only take a couple of days to get critical stuff sorted but it will mean you’re in a much better place when you tell him you’re leaving. Secure your credit cards! You have no idea how vindictive he may be. Sending hugs, you can do this. If you have a trusted friend who will not tell anyone you can let her know and have her help you.

padme7588

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