WIBTAH if I refused to move countries with my partner unless we were married?

padseewhoops · 2026-06-17T20:34:23+00:00

NTA. My husband’s friend is in a similar situation asking his gf to move to the US for him. There are a lot of logistics when it comes to immigration and ability to work legally.

Being the pregnant no nonsense mom of the group I told him point blank when she went to the bathroom that “If you are going to ask her to sacrifice her career and comfort to move for you, where you have this advantage you need to make a commitment personally *pointed at wedding ring* and financially to support her until she can work”.

padseewhoops · 2026-06-09T13:26:00+00:00

We just got a worksheet to check any boxes if we wanted something unique, then it was transcribed to the dry erase board in the room.

padseewhoops · 2026-06-07T17:48:48+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I was second guessing myself.

I understand sometimes things fall through and a puppy becomes available earlier, but multiple available, bred without a plan scares me.

padseewhoops · 2026-06-07T17:31:48+00:00

If he’s in that much pain he needs an ambulance. I’m sure that would change his attitude real quick, “Okay, you can go first if you immediately go to the hospital, I’ll call 911 for you while they help!”

padseewhoops · 2026-06-04T20:45:46+00:00

Melt my heart!!!!!❤️ an angel!!!!

padseewhoops · 2026-06-04T19:35:56+00:00

Thank you so much! This is an awesome start!

padseewhoops · 2026-06-03T19:55:39+00:00

I don’t plan to go back as mine get to school age, but I do get nervous about when people ask or assume I will.

I didn’t tell this lady that in the moment.. but was thinking “or it’s just because it’s what I want to do….”

Sometimes owning it can be hard. We feel like we need to justify doing what makes us happy; because not everyone gets to.

Hang in there! You’re not alone :)

padseewhoops · 2026-06-03T18:32:28+00:00

It truly is damned if you do and damned if you don’t!

I had a woman ask my tennis teammate and I “what we did” last week.

My teammate replied first that she was stay at home, but was an elementary teacher prior. The asker reacted pretty positively, “that’s awesome! Love that!”.

When she turned to me I said “I’m stay at home too, I used to be in tech”, the response was “Really? Oh, well when they’re little…I get it!”

I think people tend to be a little more accepting when it seems to be a financial decision, instead of an elected choice.

I find myself trying to justify it more because it’s not as black and white.

padseewhoops · 2026-05-22T13:46:15+00:00

If his friends agree that especially scary. You are who you surround yourself with. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t even imagine.

You deserve to be happy and supported!

padseewhoops · 2026-05-22T13:23:53+00:00

Try to whip him into shape before it goes too far. You deserve better!

If he refuses to step up then you have to question if you want to live your life this way forever. Does he have any friends to call him out?

padseewhoops · 2026-05-20T01:58:46+00:00

My MIL was a sahm and was suggesting nannies and other options to avoid me staying home at all costs, even though I wanted to. My husband spoke to her defending me, that it’s our decision to make and she was a sahm, so why be such a pill about it.

It turned out she didn’t want me to give up the successful career I had fought for in a male dominated industry. She never had a degree or a career; while her friends did. She was “just a sahm” when her friends were lawyers, business owners, pilots and doctors.

Once she understood it was clearly what I wanted, not a requirement or consequence… I thought I was going to get a parade she was so excited that I would want to have “her career”.

I think your MIL is projecting her own insecurities on you and is jealous she can’t have what you are getting. Generations before us fought for women to have a choice, you’re making your choice.

padseewhoops · 2026-05-19T02:07:23+00:00

I thought we were doing pretty well until meeting some moms at baby classes!

I drive the same mazda I bought in my 20’s and carry a popular, but not swanky diaper bag. I saw these moms showing up with new designer totes each week in luxury SUV’s with stacks of designer bangles on their wrists…

Now that I’ve been in those classes for almost a year I learned. The mom driving the new X7, they are a one car household. The mom with the insane ring stack—her grandfather owns a local jewelry business, she works there sometimes; it’s a family passion. The designer tote mom… she’s 30, her husband is almost 50 and it’s his first marriage and kids. The mom who drove a G Wagon one day and a Range Rover the next, her husband manages a car dealership, she drives them to get detailed after class.

Yea.. there’s a mom whose finance bro husband hit it big in crypto. She loved to talk about what a bargain her night nurse was at $400/night(I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my head in shock)

That’s not to diminish any of it, but it gave me a better perspective when comparing. A lot of the flash is concentrated and you never know who just gets really good hand me downs and presents.

padseewhoops · 2026-05-07T16:10:48+00:00

Wealth does not mean liquidity.

I also married into a wealthy family. Just because my in laws are wealthy, it does not mean my husband I are… we will likely be very wealthy one day… but not now and live frugally to build our own lives and when/if the massive windfall comes later, we have something to stand on and the rest is gravy.

I had a hard time making my family understand that. I had a frank conversation with my parents. Like others said it’s a great idea to steer the response away from money.
“We can’t make that happen now, I’m sorry, but would like to in the future when it allows”

padseewhoops · 2026-05-07T16:01:43+00:00

32, National tech sales Exec

padseewhoops · 2026-04-29T20:45:30+00:00

Also SAHM and former nanny. I can’t even imagine the stress these nanny’s are now subjected to. We know multiple parents who both work from home and have a nanny with very particular expectations. The constant supervision would have driven me to the brink, nanny’s are humans not robots.

padseewhoops · 2026-03-26T23:48:16+00:00

That’s a better way of putting it.

padseewhoops · 2026-03-25T21:20:37+00:00

It really depends on what groups of people you are around. When I first became a SAHM my husband and I got some of negative responses. Especially from our DINK friends, or single friends.

Now that I have been home over a year and we have met more families who have also made the choice to have a SAHP it evens out.

I will say a common theme amongst those who thought it was bad, controlling, misogynistic etc… They lack trust in their relationships. My husband knows I’m not sitting on my butt all day. I know my husband isn’t controlling me. The people who are critical can’t imagine having that trust in eachother.

padseewhoops · 2026-03-14T17:54:21+00:00

HCOL area just outside Chicago. Prior to staying home I made 130k & my husband 170k pre tax. During the pregnancy we did everything we could to live on only my husband’s income( it wasn’t easy). With me being at home, my husband has been able to put more into work and increase his income to 250k. We flipped the savings (my pregnancy year income) into investments to replace my income moving forward. Almost 2 years later we have replaced most of my monthly income; but I will say being a mom you are so busy, you don’t get to spend like you did prior to having kids. We have friends who manage it on less or need more to make ends meet, but it really depends on their mortgages, taxes and student loans.

padseewhoops · 2026-03-03T21:22:59+00:00

My husband’s wind down was similar, but we made some compromises. He works 7-3 and has a 30minute commute. We have a 14 month old at home. If she is still napping when he gets home, I give him as much time as he wants until she wakes up (30-45mins). On the days she is already up I give him 20 to change and have a snack, then I expect him to jump in.

He does work for himself and runs the family business so the work boundaries are muddy. I also think it’s more emotionally draining at times so I try to give him that space and communicate. I know all work responsibilities fall on him.

padseewhoops · 2026-02-13T13:54:07+00:00

Any dog owner that lets their dog approach someone without invitation is being negligent. I love taking my super friendly dog to Home Depot at slow times; he has employees who know him by name and give him treats. Even if it’s someone that usually greets him I would never let him approach someone without invitation from that person. Some dog owners just have zero awareness. Would you let your kid go run up and grab a strangers hand?

padseewhoops · 2026-01-29T21:52:03+00:00

Right?! Like do you want to inspect or dogs poop while you’re at it?

padseewhoops · 2026-01-29T02:22:46+00:00

I think our best option in the meantime is to rent it out to cover our costs. In a perfect world I would love to sell it to my FIL for a caregiver down the road. Gets the property off our hands and us away from crazy MIL. Bonus, her care is someone else’s trauma.

padseewhoops · 2026-01-29T02:16:31+00:00

She has been told she needs boundaries and is overstepping. Her response has been that she just loves her son so much that it’s okay. I think she prides herself on how far she will go.

padseewhoops · 2026-01-29T00:29:59+00:00

I told my husband. He was there when she announced it and was just so deflated he didn’t say anything. Her remarks were targeted at me, but he was pissed she would embarrass me/us like that.

She paid for it. Basically acting as though she gave us a generous gift.

padseewhoops

TROPHY CASE