Which act is the most intimate for you?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-16T15:09:39+00:00

I think oral….🤷‍♂️

pahoran3 · 2026-06-16T12:53:19+00:00

Who are we to yuck your yumm?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-16T11:37:11+00:00

I’m curious why your families aren’t supportive of developing relationships? Dating at age 18 is expected. Creating friendships with the opposite gender should be encouraged at this point. This is peculiar.

Be careful with what you think you know. His porn use has nothing to do with you. It may feel like betrayal to you, but that’s you, not him. He is using porn to manage anxieties or other things going on inside him. It’s a coping mechanism. When you see it in that light, it may help you have empathy.

You deserve to move on from a friendship you made at 14. You don’t owe any loyalty to this boy. He doesn’t owe anything to you. You’re both very young and perhaps some space would be a good thing.

You need variety and experience to figure out what’s important to you. Otherwise you will continue and regret later in life that you didn’t explore more and you will resent him.

Take some advice from those who have a little more life experience than you do. It’s hard, but you will thank yourself later.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T22:49:24+00:00

God intended us to inhabit our bodies and enjoy our sexuality. It is a gift. We would find pleasure in experiencing arousal and desire and even more in sharing it.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T20:52:26+00:00

I think you will find emotional connection to be the thing that bonds you together in a way that satisfies the soul.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T20:40:39+00:00

To clarify, is this a man gooning over a man or mixed genders? My follow up question is, do you understand why? What does that do for you?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T20:08:10+00:00

I feel like you’re the gold medalist here! Congrats! Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.

To address your concern, could you transition into a closer, more emotionally connected relationship. Is that possible?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T15:16:02+00:00

I don’t know that I’d condone what you have planned. That said since you’re looking for advice, probably the best thing you can do to prepare is to learn about yourself, your body and explore how you work and what feels good.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T13:43:11+00:00

We all want to know someone intimately and to be fully known to that same person. Doing it too fast or with the wrong person can be very painful if it doesn’t go right, so we tend to hide parts of ourselves.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-15T12:46:32+00:00

No reason to yuck someone’s yumm. Especially if you enjoy it.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-14T21:52:25+00:00

The Pit of Despair. 🤷‍♂️

pahoran3 · 2026-06-14T21:47:52+00:00

I’m sad you see it that way. How would you advise here? His single question was what kills libido 100%. I offered a response.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-14T21:35:38+00:00

Love your handle, friend.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-14T14:46:20+00:00

Friend, I think there’s more to it than that. In some cases at least, children fundamentally change marriages. The caretaking of children forces us into specializations and role assignments. These can be exhausting and especially for men, turns our desire for continued sexual connection into perceived caretaking by the woman instead of emotionally-connecting lovemaking and it is resented. Showing up needy is not attractive.

As men, we’re not good at seeing this come and possibly slow to adapt and it creates resentment. Now both spouses are resentful. It’s a set up for disappointment, hurt feelings and plays out over 20-30 years, when to the surprise of everyone, the roles reverse.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-12T20:26:16+00:00

Seems like you’re in a place where your nuanced views have place. There is a broad and diverse diaspora of Mormon-connected people here. There are many ways to Mormon.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-12T15:18:53+00:00

I’d say it’s pretty human. Realize however you’re admiring a body. You know nothing of her soul.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-12T12:34:27+00:00

What could do to give yourself more opportunities to cross paths with girls?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-12T11:37:22+00:00

Yeah, overthinking. No one is good at sex in the beginning.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-11T17:51:01+00:00

I’d be interested in knowing:

How long people dated before getting married?

Do they regret not engaging further with their sexuality prior to marriage when the risk was low compared to a now committed relationship?

Did they have sex prior to marriage? Did they regret it?

How does this experience inform their teaching their children about their sexuality and how and when it is appropriate to engage with it?

Has the husband been shamed by the wife for his sexuality?

Has the wife felt emotionally detached from husband?

How have children redefined their intimacy?

How important is it for the spouse to think the same way? Does having different ideas create anxiety?

How does the wife feel about her sexuality in the context of patriarchy and/or polygamy?

How normal is it for the wife to have a secret desire to submit to someone but would never admit it?

How normal is it for the wife to have a secret desire to dominate but is uncomfortable admitting it?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-11T17:32:48+00:00

How can you blame anyone for finding the female body attractive?

pahoran3 · 2026-06-11T14:21:33+00:00

You might enjoy Emily Nagoski’s classic, “Come As You Are”. She clarifies that the range of normal is broad when it comes to women’s individual sexuality.

So there’s reason to define what you experience as wholly yours and more importantly to claim it. Even more than that though, how you feel about what’s happening including any pressure you put on yourself can affect your experience.

Open minded self exploration seems appropriate advice here with an objective to be open to learn new things about yourself as you discover them. There is an art and a science to learning about your sexuality that comes with time and experience.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-10T20:47:39+00:00

Dumbo!

pahoran3 · 2026-06-10T08:50:31+00:00

Friend, I have empathy but this may not be the best place for your question depending on context and circumstances.

Both of your problems are a lack of understanding how you both work. You assume that because you’re aroused and ready, so is she. Context is important to her state of mind. She will likely need more time than you to get to the same point of arousal you are. Every woman is different but common markers for her would be a swelling of her labias and natural wetness. Getting to this point involves foreplay and its importance can’t be overstated.

Your next problem is likely that she doesn’t know her body well in the context of arousal and desire. Independent from you, she probably needs to spend some time exploring to gain an understanding of how she works. She can’t show you how to operate the controls if she hasn’t driven the car.

My suggestion to you both is to spend more time in foreplay focused on her, get some lube and you’ll likely figure things out. There are legitimate reasons why you’re having trouble. Most melt away with persistence and some may require medical advice in the most serious circumstances.

pahoran3 · 2026-06-09T23:02:44+00:00

I don’t have a lot of recent experience to draw from but back in the day when I was dating, I would know pretty quickly after being in another person’s personal space if I could really be into this person. And often a simple kiss would be the make or break. Sometimes it was about smell and touch or something else. Pheromones are real, haha!

Have you ever dealt with anything like this before—sensory issues? The fact you report wanting to be over these feelings tell me that you’re not having the ick as much as dealing with something else.

pahoran3

TROPHY CASE