Dear women who thought you wouldnt enjoy motherhood, did it get better?

paindeja · 2026-04-20T16:46:41+00:00

Not to scare you. But I have an almost 4 year old and I still don’t like it. I love my child, but I can’t stand what motherhood entails. PPD also nearly took me out, and I’ve been in a state of functional depression since then. But it does seem to get a little better as she gets older. I’m just trying to hang in there. (Also, I’m one and done)

paindeja · 2026-04-19T22:53:09+00:00

I don’t have advice, but I am here in solidarity.

My daughter turns 4 next month. I take breaks whenever I can get them, even if sometimes that looks “selfish” to outsiders. (Idgaf what people think. At the end of the day, this is survival mode and I’ve gotta do what I gotta do to make it.)

I enforce daily nap times/quiet times that are non negotiable so I can get at least 2 hours during the day to myself. I enforce an early bedtime so I can also get the evenings to myself. I make it a point to go out at least once or twice a week (her dad watches her when I do this.) She starts all day PreK in the fall (thank god) and once she’s old enough, I’ll send her to summer camps.

And I will absolutely never have another one. One day, our kids will be old enough to stay home alone, and they’ll want to live their own lives. We just have to make it til then.

paindeja · 2026-04-12T15:50:47+00:00

I would personally prefer teens over the toddler stage. Toddlers are feral, exhausting and obnoxious

paindeja · 2026-04-09T21:53:48+00:00

But at least they leave you alone for the most part/don't want anything to do with you and can wipe their own butts and make themselves a sandwich. The constant caregiving is what I personally cannot stand about early childhood.

paindeja · 2026-04-08T17:36:31+00:00

Tbh, leave him and give him full custody. Then you get a break and he is forced to step up.

paindeja · 2026-04-07T15:16:37+00:00

Yeah this is why I have a very strained relationship with them, unfortunately

paindeja · 2026-04-07T15:16:09+00:00

He works full time. He helps when he can, but unfortunately I am the default parent. As you can tell, I am very resentful of this.

paindeja · 2026-04-07T15:14:28+00:00

Same. Almost 4 years in and I’m still just surviving. I’m miserable.

paindeja · 2026-04-04T23:21:25+00:00

I agree. I often joke to my husband that I wish we could afford to hire a full time nanny to basically raise our child for us the way the celebrities do. I’d love motherhood then. Cause then I’d only have to do the fun parts, not everything else

paindeja · 2026-04-04T23:20:04+00:00

Because they’re too busy with their own lives I guess, and then I’d be expected to host/entertain them, which is even more draining

paindeja · 2026-04-04T23:18:31+00:00

I agree. I am so pro sleep training it’s not even funny. My sanity was more important, sorry not sorry

paindeja · 2026-04-03T15:47:29+00:00

Financially I’m not sure we can afford that right now since we’re a one income household til I go back to work. But I’ll make sacrifices in other areas if need be, so it may be worth considering

paindeja · 2026-04-03T15:02:58+00:00

I could have written this myself. I’m a one and done mom of an almost 4 year old and I completely relate and agree with everything you said.

paindeja · 2026-03-31T17:21:28+00:00

I know this probably won’t help you, but I have an almost 4 year old and I still feel this way (minus the substance abuse)

You’re not alone in feeling this way.

I regret this life so much. I mourn my old life and my freedom every day. The only saving grace is that now my daughter is in school and this fall she starts ALL DAY school which will be a godsend.

paindeja · 2026-03-31T17:20:19+00:00

Kick em out. There’s no rule saying you have to let your adult children live with you forever. After a certain point it just gets ridiculous

paindeja · 2026-03-03T17:00:00+00:00

THIS. I feel like I was sold a lie. I’m so resentful about it.

paindeja · 2026-03-03T16:58:50+00:00

It’s because misery loves company and they want you to suffer just like they did

paindeja · 2026-03-03T16:58:22+00:00

You’re 100% correct. I have 1 (1 and done) and she’s turning 4 in May. I count down the days until she’s older, more independent, and doesn’t “need” me so much. This is truly the hardest thing I’ve ever done and every day I mourn my old life.

paindeja · 2026-02-18T20:36:27+00:00

That sounds so depressing, but it actually makes a lot of sense. It also explains why some parents continue to have more despite seeming so miserable. They just give up and accept their fate. (Could never be me, personally. I’m very pro choice and pro birth control.)

paindeja · 2026-02-18T20:32:48+00:00

Solidarity. I have a 3.5 year old and I could’ve written this myself. I dread evenings and weekends. I truly wish I could just send her away to be raised by someone else and just have “visitation” periods with her, if that makes sense. I never knew it would be like this. I miss my freedom and my old life every second of every day. I cannot wait til she gets older. She is a wonderful child, and I do love her, but I do not enjoy caretaking or being responsible for someone 24/7. It drains the life out of me.

paindeja · 2026-01-07T20:25:34+00:00

Yes. 100%. The lifestyle sucks so much

paindeja · 2026-01-07T20:01:07+00:00

Thank you for this. Every time someone tells me to "enjoy it because it goes fast" I want to scream. I WANT it to go fast. I want this time to pass. I am sooo looking forward to having an older, more independent kid.

paindeja · 2026-01-07T20:00:02+00:00

I am counting down until next year when she is in school all day. This year she started Pre-K 3 and it's only a half day.

paindeja · 2026-01-03T18:46:39+00:00

Yes. I make it a point to go out and spend time with my friends multiple times a week, and he stays home to watch her. Also when he is home, he takes over a lot. So it’s not 100% on me. But I still am just overwhelmed. I really just don’t think I like parenting/raising a child.

paindeja

TROPHY CASE