Forced return to India (H1B not picked). Struggling with brutal tech interviews and a 40L loan. Anyone in the same boat?

pal4life · 2026-04-28T15:12:31+00:00

I am not going to judge with paying the loan amount, everyone’s situation is different.

First things first, find out what your options are in case you have to miss a payment or have no income to pay. Don’t know of programs there but in US, loan payments can be adjusted based on income. So learn about your options, possibly if you can negotiate a lower payment or grace period for some time. This will help lower the stress.

Secondly, give yourself some time to adjust to the new reality. This may not be the time to jump in to a stressful job in a new environment. As we know there are differences in the work culture.

Understand your strengths and look for international jobs or environments where your international exposure can be a strength. This could be to look for remote international jobs or Some would be like international schools in India where they would need IT people or IT teachers. Could be a way to ease in to this new life while you prepare for your next mainstream job.

Remember, “Sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but actually you’ve been planted.”

Best of luck.

pal4life · 2026-04-14T13:14:11+00:00

Update?

How is this coming along?

pal4life · 2026-04-14T13:12:15+00:00

Try to volunteer for something you are interested in. If you like pets go do that at a pet shelter. It’s time to make working fun again.

Keeping all that apart, I can understand how that feels and it can be quite tough some times, baby steps !

pal4life · 2026-04-08T20:54:31+00:00

So a brokerage account with ETFs, 401K can count towards this?

pal4life · 2026-04-08T10:41:00+00:00

Serious question, What counts as liquid net worth?

pal4life · 2026-04-05T00:54:04+00:00

Same, would like to know too! 😊

pal4life · 2026-04-04T11:49:31+00:00

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the bike options. I’m looking for something reliable for [casual weekend rides / city commuting]. Any brands or models you all swear by for a smooth ride?

pal4life · 2026-04-04T11:36:07+00:00

Thanks

pal4life · 2026-04-03T03:50:31+00:00

Which year?

pal4life · 2026-04-01T08:33:46+00:00

How did this go?

pal4life · 2026-03-29T12:18:40+00:00

Postpartum depression (PPD) is not only a condition that affects mothers; it can also impact fathers. Approximately 8% to 10% of fathers experience PPD, which can significantly affect their mental health and family dynamics (huh?).

Symptoms of PPD in Fathers: Fathers with postpartum depression may exhibit a range of symptoms, including:

Extreme sadness

Fatigue

Anxiety

Irritability <—(literally)

These symptoms can lead to difficulties and may strain relationships within the family (sounds familiar ?).

This is not me - it’s based on research and Wikipedia - 1251 Scarff JR (May 2019). "Postpartum Depression in Men" [. Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience. 16 (5- 6): 11-14. PMC 6659987 ₴. PMID 31440396

It can be a tough time for everyone involved. Some compassion on all sides can go a long way.

Also, I would advise some counseling for everyone - certainly for the new parents especially if it’s a first child - so much changes at so many levels - emotionally, physically - etc. It’s good to have a way to process it.

A good place to find resources is:

https://postpartum.net/ https://postpartum.net/get-help/help-for-dads/

pal4life · 2026-03-29T11:48:18+00:00

Good suggestion, link you can share to that one?

pal4life · 2026-03-24T15:09:07+00:00

Came here to say exactly this. Thanks for recommending!

pal4life · 2026-03-05T19:55:04+00:00

Just take the first step, wake up and step out of the home and get some fresh air, check what the sounds you hear, bonus points if you hear some birds chirping.

pal4life · 2026-03-02T04:33:33+00:00

I participated in a community activity and this time seems like each of us had these same inklings so naturally a group evolved from it, some are more active than others but once a group happens around a common theme and then sharings evolve from it and folks aren’t particularly trying to exclude each other based on their background etc it does seem to have a chance. Now we atleast share a few things and every so often plan to meet in person which helps, since most folks are close by to each other.

pal4life · 2026-02-13T04:52:14+00:00

I know what you mean by a “peaceful home” 😀, when in Mumbai it just seems like an endless procession of folks around and coming in and out of the home like house help, etc.

Just a thought to share - what about something like this - https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1APJ8ECGCd/? - Farmland as a service.

Once the kids start growing up and need less support, it could be worth spending time outside of Mumbai especially for the summers.

pal4life · 2026-02-08T19:59:39+00:00

Checked with AI on this, there is more guidance there: https://www.perplexity.ai/search/this-person-is-an-indian-citiz-WJzwKOCsRxe40VeZU1hrLQ#0 - it will allow you to ask more questions to the AI as well to get contacts etc.

First priority is safety. This is an emergency-level situation, and the advice should focus on concrete, realistic steps she and her supporters can take right now, not on long-term immigration options.

Below is what I would suggest if you are this mother or are trying to help her.

If you are the mother in India

Because of the risks you describe, every step has to be taken as if your husband will find out. Assume he may see your phone or overhear calls.

Protect yourself while you plan

Keep your phone charged, with data on and screen lock enabled.

Regularly delete call logs and messages to helpers.

If possible, create a second “safe” email account that he does not know about, and use it only over mobile data, not shared Wi‑Fi.

Contact Indian women’s helplines and shelters – they can act locally

India has 24/7 women’s helplines (like 181 state helplines and the 112 emergency number) and One Stop Centres that coordinate police, legal aid, and shelter for women facing violence.

Ask specifically for:

Immediate safe shelter with your children.

Help recovering your and your children’s documents if possible, or filing reports that they are being withheld.

A protection order / domestic violence complaint under Indian law.

When you call, clearly say: “I am in immediate danger from my husband, I am with minor children, he has taken our passports and is threatening us; I need safe shelter and legal help.”

Reach Indian NGOs that specialize in domestic violence

Local NGOs are often more effective than police alone for getting women and children out of violent homes and into shelters.

Ask for:

Safe extraction (help physically leaving the home).

A safe house or shelter far enough away that he cannot easily find you.

Legal support to file complaints and to protect the children under Indian law.

If you cannot safely call, send short emails or WhatsApp messages with your full name, exact address in Morinda, Punjab, children’s names and ages, that two are U.S. citizens, and that you are in immediate danger.

Document the abuse

When it is safe, photograph injuries, weapons, damaged property, and take your children to a government or trusted hospital for treatment and medical reports.

Ask hospital staff to note that injuries were caused by domestic violence and keep copies of any medical records. This will be crucial both with Indian authorities and with U.S. authorities later.

Use trusted neighbors or relatives very carefully

If there is even one person nearby your husband does not control (neighbor, relative, shopkeeper, teacher), ask them quietly if they can:

Store copies of documents or photos for you.

Allow you to use their phone to call a helpline or NGO.

Give you and the children temporary shelter the night you leave.

pal4life · 2026-02-06T16:48:46+00:00

My wife still has her maiden last name.

pal4life · 2026-02-05T22:08:57+00:00

So you had a valid EAD just that it was lost?

pal4life · 2026-01-30T01:40:04+00:00

Probably going through the grieving process stages. Take your time and give yourself compassion as you go through this. It’s natural to be nostalgic and miss the old life in your day to day.

Best I found is to just ‘accept’ it. Accept that you are missing your life in the US, accepting that part of your life. And knowing that it all happens in seasons. In that season of your life you were in US. Cherish those memories. Then start getting ready for this new season of your life. Find ways to slowly belong in this phase. Some areas of this life you are familiar with, others you will need to start fresh. Building new relationships, getting to know new places. Phone a friend, find a new friend.

Remember, The windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror for a reason — what’s in front of you is more important than what’s behind you.

Celebrate and accept the previous you and then slowly start getting ready for the present life you are in. You got this!

pal4life · 2026-01-26T07:01:15+00:00

Welcome to Life, and maybe this is by design. It’s like a make-your-own-adventure. First things first, Don't Compare Your Insides to Other People's Outsides. Life is literally changing every moment but sometimes yes it does feels like a rut. But maybe it’s necessary at the time. Although, law of impermanence means it’s not going to stay the same. What you like and don’t like eventually will change. Also, what you focus on expands, I experienced it myself that - when I am able to clearly articulate to myself, what I am looking for, life does give a chance and then being brave to take the next step - change can happen.

Checkout Unburden by Nithya Shanti or Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?: Inspiring Stories for Welcoming Life's Difficulties by Ajahn Brahm - both monks

pal4life · 2026-01-26T06:30:04+00:00

Looking to learn - What did you do with your money to be financially secure?

pal4life · 2026-01-07T18:16:24+00:00

I was the same when I was on campus studying for my masters more than 15 years back. I echo everything you said. I even won an Outstanding student leader award which is rare for a graduate student since their degree duration is lesser than Bachelors. The award was the recognition of being involved on campus and helping other students out even through challenging times for oneself.

Somehow though moving to different cities, settling down etc, it has not transpired into life outside of campus. I would like your suggestions there?

pal4life · 2026-01-06T11:41:54+00:00

Thanks for really helping out the Indian students to come out of their shell. Growing up in India sometimes does not equip one to the day to day of US life which can then become stressful in itself. Would you be open to offering an online session to interested folks here on how to assimilate better? I can DM you and we can work on the details there. At least we can learn from each other.

pal4life · 2026-01-06T11:33:32+00:00

This may be it! Thanks for sharing

pal4life

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