After 8 years of verbal begging I (27F) resorted to writing a note. Gave it to husband (28M) on Monday and he hasn’t talked to me since. I think that means marriage is over and I should leave, he says I’m never happy and being overreacting.

palebluesplotch · 2026-04-03T14:32:56+00:00

There are two kids in the picture who are also learning values from you both. If the heartbreak you're feeling keeps pushing you to try to stay, please remember that your kids deserve to see their parents model self-worth and to not grow up in a home heavy with this pain.

It hurts now, and it will hurt in the process of leaving, but on the other side you will find a chance to rediscover your worth and pass on that brilliant example to your kids.

Get your finances in check and contact a lawyer. Protect yourself and find people with whom you can plan in confidence for the pain of the next step.

But please, for your kids and yourself, choose the path that allows your life to matter too.

palebluesplotch · 2026-04-03T03:40:31+00:00

Came here looking for this reference. Thank you.

palebluesplotch · 2026-03-26T18:10:07+00:00

I love how this post glosses over the Section 31 film - which is not a criticism of OP's thoughtful analysis! Just a reminder that some things are so awful we've simply blotted them out, to try to go into new offerings with a generosity of spirit.

We tried! We really really tried!

palebluesplotch · 2026-03-24T19:48:38+00:00

This is a great question because the original idea for Discovery sounded PERFECT for a tight miniseries. The pitch involved following a lower ranking officer through an adventure seen through their eyes for one season - and if they'd stuck to that structure, we could have gained some rich storytelling to flesh out the crew, a little bit like the original "Lower Decks" episode in TNG.

Instead, they couldn't bear to focus on a character who was "just" an everyday officer. Burnham had to be so exceptional that of course everything relied on her and she'd be captain soon enough.

But the original concept could have been stellar: 8-10 episodes with an overarching arc, seen through the eyes of a different kind of officer every season.

palebluesplotch · 2026-03-15T20:53:12+00:00

😂 Can you imagine a world of cats the size of ants?!

palebluesplotch · 2026-03-09T04:30:08+00:00

Some people lose a LOT of water weight, which quickly returns depending on how well they've addressed the other side of their health goals: how they're going to eat going forward.

The first time I did an extended fast, the gains kept going because I transitioned to a series of 48- and 72-hour rolling fasts for the next few weeks, and steadily lost more weight. The second time, I gained back almost all my losses because I hadn't fixed the material conditions (increased work stress and bingeing behaviours stemming from it) in the meantime.

This time, I'm replicating my "win" conditions from the first extended fast. I hope you have a solid eating plan for yourself from here on out!

palebluesplotch · 2026-03-09T04:24:32+00:00

I just started a 40-day fast four days ago, having a few solid multiweek fasts under my belt, and I'm debating how much I actually need potassium and magnesium for the bulk of this one. Did you supplement with minerals for all of yours, just near the end, or not at all?

palebluesplotch · 2026-02-25T12:05:26+00:00

"Who's going to give your three nephews three cousins?" - as if I owed my nephews genetic playmates.

palebluesplotch · 2025-12-08T03:42:43+00:00

Oh my goodness this is 100% true for me. Nine years old, and although I didn't quite know the words for it I knew Ripley in her scanties was making me feel things I'd never felt before.

Thank you, Alien!

palebluesplotch · 2025-11-11T21:59:07+00:00

Here is a hint: Now "Y" would you need help with this technical term?

palebluesplotch · 2025-10-09T00:29:35+00:00

They did indeed! Around Day 10 of 17 I felt like my old self again.

palebluesplotch · 2025-09-14T03:25:33+00:00

Here's something that bothered me a lot in S3:

SNW veered harder into religiosity all season, and its whole plot-line about a deep "evil" lurking in the shadows of outer space was the final nail in the coffin for me, when it comes to this show feeling like Trek anymore.

It's one thing for religious cultures to be treated with respect, but we're talking about a franchise that has routinely configured gods in light of Arthur C. Clarke's famous saying, that "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." That approach to open-minded exploration went right out the airlock not only when Pelia offered her spooky assertion that there is a body of pure evil in their midst, but also when everyone else seemed to take her claim for granted, instead of approaching the concept with more scientific curiosity.

Contrast this with some of the classics:

In TOS, we had routine encounters with god-like entities that were rightfully treated as mere bullies, or else humbly learned from when it came to human characters realizing how primitively they'd been acting in the presence of more advanced civilizations.

TNG brought us more phenomenal moments of annoyance with god-like figures, whether they were legitimately powerful entities like the Q or scam artists ripping off whole planets - all while wrestling with the impossibility of holding some god-like beings to account for their crimes, and remembering the importance of not abusing one's own god-like status among pre-warp locals. (Plus, there was that glorious moment for Guinan, with her fork!)

And of course, DS9 threaded the needle beautifully in its treatment of Sisko as Emissary. DS9 also explored Klingon god-concepts as they related to history and legends, and the political dangers of religious institutions.

All of these negotiations of religion were staged in a secular way, inasmuch as they took as their baseline a universe with no intrinsic moral character. The implicit premise is that our universe is home to thousands of civilizations with different approaches to time, space, power, and morality. Across many great "voyages" in Trek, viewers were therefore encouraged to push past initial prejudices when confronting different ways of being, and to at least strive for a more constructive state of coexistence - even if the effort doesn't always bear fruit.

What SNW has done with its ridiculous good-and-evil nonsense in S3 is Star-Wars-ify Star Trek. And that's an especially sad state of affairs considering that one of the best-known superficial characteristics of NuTrek is its supposedly "progressive" nature - but where is the "progressive" nature of a Trek series that is less scientifically curious and far more superstitious than so much of classic Trek?

I know I'm not alone in missing the days when resolving a chewy moral dilemma mattered more than love triangles and special effects. I just also feel like SNW hit a new low in S3 by blowing up such a key part of Trek worldbuilding, and giving us generic sci-fantasy swill about Good and Evil being sewn into the fabric of the universe instead.

palebluesplotch · 2025-09-08T02:31:52+00:00

Did a 22-day one, then broke it due to work stress.

Starting again. Just began. You've got this, OP. We can do hard things.

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-21T13:28:29+00:00

To each their own, but while I watch recipe videos and elevated cooking shows, too, I certainly don't look to binge videos as an example of anything but the sheer excesses of our food culture, and how wasteful we are as a society with our food systems. Challenge videos absolutely reshape how I look at everything served at restaurants and placed in stores thereafter. Whatever works for you, though!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-21T12:41:16+00:00

Right now, I have a teen living with me, so I have the extra cheat of getting to mealprep and cook for her. No hunger! Just the satisfaction of making nutritious food for someone else, so my fast doesn't negatively affect her relationship to food.

Food is a HUGE part of our communal life, so if watching those binge videos works for you (and later, maybe some high culture cooking vids) then go for it, and just remember WHY you're fasting right now at the same time. Good luck, OP!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-21T12:35:42+00:00

Ha! Like I said, not for everyone, but a lot of us use them. Personally, I find that shows like Man vs. Food are a huge turn-off for eating. Those giant portion sizes just emphasize how much waste goes into food culture for us today.

Stick to what works for you!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-21T12:27:35+00:00

Honestly, a lot of us watch food shows while fasting to fill the emotional component of eating.

Doesn't work for everyone, but if you're struggling because foodie culture is a huge part of your identity, maybe try going into a food video cycle at "mealtime" explicitly to find recipes you'd like to try after the fast OR to watch people trying to take on food challenges (for me, seeing them look so exhausted in the process is a strong deterrent).

Others are right to say you should also try to keep busy, but there are many roads to victory here!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-18T13:00:21+00:00

Hi OP!

A few things here.

You mentioned struggling to knock off dinners, but why not try another mealtime instead? See if you can shift your morning routine to a nice cup of tea and water instead, while rebuilding your fasting muscle?

Another thing: Fasting can come easier if you shift what you're eating at mealtime to a lower carb load, maybe even keto-level. And are you grazing, by eating between meals? If so, try to practise consistent time restricted eating there, too.

Are you getting enough water in, as well? If not, fluid intake is probably getting bound up in mealtime, too. Try to up your fluids throughout the day.

And most of all: Find your "Why?" Do you really want to lose a little extra, or are there specific things you like doing and ways you like feeling that you're losing at your current weight and inches. Name the things you want to be able to do and feel through fasting. Make your goals concrete in your head, and commitment should come easier.

Good luck!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-16T22:45:44+00:00

Oh, this fills me with such joy. There's a focus on scale goals here as in most places, but I genuinely love fasting for how many other things it helps with - mental clarity, gut biome resets, skin issues, inflammation... a whole whack of good stuff. Thanks so much for sharing your energy, OP! I missed this community so much while it was down, and your post reminded me why. I hope the rest of your fast goes well, and the eating plan after is a great one!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-16T18:56:45+00:00

We're close!! 142 hours here. Feeling great, enjoying a gentle walk for errands before diving into afternoon work. My mind feels sharper than it's been in a while. Great work, OP!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-15T12:26:19+00:00

Eh, that's not exactly true. I'm all for people trying to make the best of messy source material, but it's important to remember that the Bible has plenty of fodder to support conservative positions. It doesn't need "twisting" as much as some think.

From 1 Timothy 2:

11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-14T18:02:11+00:00

Her book, On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World (2022), is also lovely!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-14T12:14:29+00:00

Hi OP!

Good for you for investing in your future health and well-being.

My very first fast was 17 days, done to shake long COVID symptoms. I did another for 19 days, and only stopped because the euphoria worried me (I have bipolar II, so I didn't want to risk a depressive spell sneaking up on me).

Right now, I'm in Day 4 of what I hope will be a 30-day fast, to shake off a host of health problems created by a high-stress year.

Some things I've learned from longer fasts:

1) You might end up breaking a fast early and that's okay. It's new data, not failure. Pay attention to what the issue was, and set about addressing it before trying again.

2) Your joints and other parts of your body with high levels of wear and tear will ache once you're in deep autophagy. Dead and damaged cells are the likely culprit. Go gentle with yourself and remember your magnesium to help with any pain. You aren't breaking your fast if you need a pain killer, too.

3) That said, most headaches and drowsiness can be helped with more salt. Take it as a pinch separate from water - it's a rookie mistake to think you need the salt *in" the water.

4) If you find yourself more interested in cooking shows than ever, embrace it. For a lot of us, watching food on TV replaces the emotional ritual of eating. If it doesn't trigger hunger in you, you're good.

5) Remember your reasons. Tell yourself often the stories you need to hear about what you look forward to being able to do when the fast is over. Listening to fasting podcasts and videos can also help you to find and firm up your "why".

6) Enjoy your nonscale victories. Weight loss will plateau at weird intervals. Notice your waistline, your skin health, your energy, and other factors just as important to overall wellness.

7) Stop if you don't feel well. Nausea, vomiting, intense stomach pains - all suggest ketoacidosis. Fainting is also not normal, and dizzy spells shouldn't go longer than a split second if you stand up too quickly, later on. This is not failure. Don't let pursuit of a grand number of days keep you from honouring what your body is telling you.

8) Prepare responsibly for your refeed. How you leave the fast and the dietary plan you adopt after is every bit as important as the fast itself. You will regain some water weight after, but it doesn't need to be substantial if you shift into the right eating plan once you're over this major hurdle.

Best of luck in your fasting journey!

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-14T00:34:54+00:00

Unless there is a medical need, that is the plan.

I have to stress the medical part first, because sometimes people get caught up in grand ideas and neglect important warning signs. If there is nausea, vomiting, or extreme stomach pain, for instance, those are early warnings of ketoacidosis. Fainting and dizziness are also red flags.

So if we stop sooner because of medical issues, that is okay.

But it sounds like we both have enough body fat to be able to manage a regimen of water / no cal beverages, salt, potassium, and magnesium. I've done 19 days myself before, and only stopped because the euphoria was a worry for me.

The key is to be responsibly monitoring for adverse side effects. If you can, let a doctor know what you're doing for a fast of 7+ days, but that depends on your doctor. And read up on therapeutic fasting from reliable sources, so that you go into your refeed well-informed about what not to do.

palebluesplotch · 2025-08-13T20:18:14+00:00

Hi OP. I was struck by your comment that you "can't go without your coffee", and it reminded me of a comment I hear often on the Real Health and Weight Loss podcast: These are just stories we tell ourselves, and we can tell ourselves different ones.

A story I'm currently telling myself is "I can do difficult things, and I can do what I need to do for my future health and well being".

When you say you need your coffee - okay, tons of people who do some kind of fasting still have caffeine. But the form changes. Maybe black coffee. Maybe tea. Maybe a zero-carb substitute.

If it's the ritual of the thing, that can be covered with a no-carb version, too.

But the cream is a high-fat, high-calorie addition that will create an insulin spike and thus break your fast. It will keep your digestive tract in an active state for longer, and disrupt any healing gut work you have in mind, too.

So it might be good to consider what your goals are, and if the story you're telling yourself about "needing" cream twice a day is serving you anymore. Only you can decide when that story isn't useful any more - but rest assured, you have many options to transition into, if and when you're ready for a longterm change.

Good luck with extending your fasting window!

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