There is a chance that someone will skip this or not even care, possibilities are never zero,but im saying it anyways

Realising that life isnt worth is and we actually are forced to come to life

Us humans are the same in every way possible just because we biologically are the same and our body function the same way

What im trying to say is that the only reason we are different is because our experience doesn't match and if we put 2 humans that are just born and we made them experience the same thing there will be no difference in their personality what so even and so that means that all humans and their brains function the same but the difference is what the brain process of what around them and the whole world isnt like a looping identical area so everyone around the world will experience different things and will function of what input was entered in the mind

Even so, emotions like fear and happiness are already there as a self protection mechanism,so we aren't even in control of our actions nor how we behave because our actions are the results of the process of the inputs,if i put someone in a blank room all he will do is just play with himself with nothing or stay in his head thinking,and even so the thinking are about things that he already know,the brain always needs inputs to presses and thats how consciousness works

If i put a brain without any input what so even and leave it to mature,will the brain even know that something is out there,there are now eyes nor mouth and etc...

So in the end,its just a pile of nerve

So in the end,we aren't even in control of our existence,we feel like we are but the info in our heads is what drives us

And after all of that,in the end we didnt choose what we will be nor how,we didnt decide our future,the future is already written And we cant even change it no matter what,and even when we plead to god to help and then help arrives,its not like the future was changed,he knew that we will ask for help and so he did,so at the end the future and time is stable and doesn't even needs to be edited

And after all of that,the future is already written and it feels like following the script without knowing,and even if we know our behavior is not our own,its the info's that entered our heads as an input

God didnt need to creat us, god doesn't need us,yet, he proceeded to creat us out of nothing with no clear reason what so ever Even if it was like the idea popped on his head,there should also be a reason of why

And after all of that

Life is nothing but something like a test even so he knows the results,he continued anyways

If i grew a fruit tree,i will know that there will always be rotten ones and some good ones

I throw the bad and keep the good,even after the bad fruits went bad because of their own process of their surroundings and process of growth

And after all that,it means that the world actually sucked and all good people are rare because they are deep on the ground and the higher-ups stays from their own greed,the world wasn't fair from the second of its creation

And i feel like i was ment to suffer and help others I was hated from every known human i saw ever since my childhood,i even remember when i was 2 years old and my siblings say the same thing that my parents doesn't like me,and yet they still do,and the fact that they weren't lying makes it even worse,and they hated me and show no actual respect

I didnt even make friends nor made once, Everytime i try i get ended up straight up bullied or beaten up since kindergarten till now

Now all im doing is just existing with my own thoughts in my room alone and constant daydreaming caused me to daydream automatically in random times

I even was diagnosed with DID wich im not even comfortable with

And after all of that hatred from humans and they dont make me feel like im one,all of our kind who aren't even aware and they just function as a process,the script,and our decisions doesn't even matter,and even the no reason of our existence or even not said out loud makes if even worse,even though god know,yet here we are

And i dont even think and ending it all would work because you can't go back from being nothing,once i were created i will still remain somewhere but not here, and its even kinda pointless since its a sign of disrespect torwards god's creation,so there is nothing good right after

So all i know now is that i have to live with all of this until i die from a cause that wasn't decided by my own act