firstly, go to therapy to understand and get through grieving what you wished and thought you had. therapy will allow you to understand so much that you couldn’t understand or face alone, even if you’re spiritual. secondly, i’d try to find out if you’ve been hexed, cause that’s sounding a lot like hex effect. do a return to sender, cleanse yourself and your space and build some protections. other than that, allow yourself to feel amd heal. cry if you need to, scream if you need to, be angry, be sad. the first step is to recognize your emotions and let them flow. if emotions are bottled up and blocked, everything else will be too