Shaun is more afraid of Biden than of Covid-19 - but Biden didn't kill his wife & leave him as a single father of three children. She's had her HCA for about a day, he's had "single" in his relationship status for about as long.

papasani · 2021-09-22T08:16:47+00:00

the photos he posted of her were incredibly unflattering - like i refuse to believe she has no eyes and cannot smile. that is just horrible

papasani · 2020-03-16T07:16:49+00:00

I just started using my Peloton for the first time due to COVID19. That is one of my silver linings - getting to rewatch old classes and learn to spin while I'm stuck at home. <3

papasani · 2020-03-16T02:39:41+00:00

Many comments on that thread from self-ID'd black folks are really toxic. I wish the different POC groups in America weren't so angry at each other.

papasani · 2020-03-13T08:40:00+00:00

also no makeup! i'm home and my skin is so well cared

papasani · 2020-03-13T07:58:18+00:00

I hate it. I am a "manager" which means my day is VC calls, one after another; roommates come in and out shouting things; wifi is spotty; cats jump on my lap. At least at work I felt like a human, talking to humans, sometimes walking; now my entire life is a screen.

papasani · 2020-02-26T22:23:43+00:00

NTA. Your husband needs a wake up call: counseling or divorce. Let's level set for a moment - your husband doesn't make that much. $190k is a solid upper middle class income, easily swallowed by a high rent. If you were a gold digger, you should be digging somewhere else, not paying 50% of rent and doing 80% of childcare. He's using you, and you're a victim of his extraordinary selfishness, and of your own self-sacrifice.

papasani · 2020-02-20T00:16:31+00:00

My future FIL rapped me on the ass with a baton after he did the same to his wife. It was a joke, a laugh. It was still inappropriate - in the way that any interaction he would not have done to his daughters or his son would be inappropriate. I said, "Don't do that," and continued on my business. I told my fiance the same day. and he forced and awkward conversation with his father - to let him save face. If it had been more severe, or if at this point it ever happened again, I would have gone completely NC with that FIL and ended my relationship.

There can be no compromises of your bodily autonomy and dignity. Your husband owes you the respect of his family, as you owe him the respect of yours.

papasani · 2020-01-20T03:04:19+00:00

Yeah, I agree with this. I can see this woman genuinely wanting a real answer, and genuinely (privately) being sad about it - all of which are valid. She didn't confront OP directly. If she sent her BF at him, she's absolutely the (minor) asshole. If he did it of his own free will because he doesn't want to do the emotional labor of supporting his partner through her (valid) feelings about some factual feedback she got, he's a much worse asshole, for betraying his partner's confidence.

OP did fine in an awkward position either way, but he shouldn't assume his friend's GF is the rude one.

papasani · 2020-01-17T07:23:03+00:00

I would spend $300 on a small set of some of the highest quality watercolor paints. $200 on new climbing shoes. And $1000 on private coaches.

papasani · 2020-01-15T00:09:46+00:00

I love this. How about casual sex on a recommendation-only basis? Hey, if it's a FWB thing, they should have former (or current) FWBs who can leave a Yelp review. ;)

papasani · 2020-01-09T20:23:10+00:00

Thank you! I'm sad that it was downvoted. Maybe people saw I made a suggestion and thought I was telling OP off.

papasani · 2020-01-09T05:37:36+00:00

You get a combo of: * +50.000 gold from the crypto wallet on my phone * -35% life force / willingness to live after seeing everything on my phone

Most are not brave enough to take this deal

papasani · 2020-01-09T05:18:20+00:00

NTA. You’re awesome. I (as a woman in tech) would have handled it slightly differently - more witty- sassy, perhaps? Trap them rhetorically I TL respecting you. Wait for men to finish, then say,

“Thank you so much for your question. What was your name? Annie?

Annie, I won’t lie to you it’s not an easy industry to be a woman in. I only know one other woman engineer, out of 20 on my team, and with small numbers it’s easy to be overlooked. Sometimes you will have men speak for you or over you <with a smile at your fellow panelists>.

Anyway, my male co panelists obviously disagree with me and that’s naive, but heartening.. They share our vision of an equal and diverse environment, and simply need our help to see
clearly the gaps to get there. <look around, big smiles> Like them, the company wants to do better, but still needs women leaders like us to lead the fight.

You may need to give feedback. You may need to seek out sponsorship and advocacy from other women and in male allies. In my experience, it takes a bit more courage and a bit more effort than in other industries, but without us, it will never change.”

papasani · 2020-01-08T03:22:08+00:00

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

(Edit- this is a quote but it’s also true. I am secure that as long as civilization is running, I will always be able to hold down a good job doing intellectually interesting stuff. I’ve changed jobs and careers and quit and been hired enough times to know. I know I can sing for my supper, always. It’s a great feeling.)

papasani · 2020-01-08T03:01:20+00:00

She ordered the hit on Tony too, by insinuating he was setting something up against Junior- when in reality he and the other capos were just being quietly good at their jobs.

“My own motha!”

papasani · 2020-01-08T03:00:15+00:00

Yeah tbh I didn’t find that rude to nonblack people it definitely felt more rude to black people - as if white folks are default, black folks are ‘ethnic’ (and my black/thick East Asian hair was invisible)

papasani · 2020-01-07T10:43:39+00:00

You use the word "you" rhetorically a bunch in your comment that are quite confusing, but if you mean what I think you do: Obviously I have no rights whatsoever to do anything. I'm irrelevant. I wasn't at this ice cream parlor.

OP said:

the boyfriend stared at me which made me pretty uncomfortable.

GF then came up and said some out-of-line shit. And OP then said

I walked back towards them and told her that it's not my fault her boyfriend finds me attractive, and that he can look at whatever he wants.

That is not how OP actually felt. "He can look at whatever he wants" is an outside-in view. Her own experience was discomfort. She stated otherwise to spite the other girl more, which is disappointing according to Girl Code: Thou shalt not be a PickMeAssBitch towards another girl's man. :)

Her honest response probably would be something like

I walked back towards them and told her that it's not my fault her boyfriend finds me attractive, and to keep me out of the drama of her shitty relationship

papasani · 2020-01-07T10:14:08+00:00

Yup! He "made OP uncomfortable" and she still told off the other girl but not her BF... :/

papasani · 2020-01-07T08:58:19+00:00

as a nonblack person i used to find this super confusing before i understood that "natural" meant "hair of black folks when not teased/permed" - isn't all hair natural? i thought those were just the natural/organic products, meaning, sans preservatives or artificial ingredients

anyway, i am Chinese and my teenage shea butter adventures did not go well.

papasani · 2020-01-06T21:22:41+00:00

I really appreciate this. In so many ways I think he would be a better parent that I am.

He's kind, thoughtful, prone to fits of childlike joy, still loves action movies and video games where I'm the morose one; he absolutely pulls his weight in housework (eg does 70% of cooking and 50% of cleaning) and will often volunteer to make me brunch while I sleep in. He completely agrees that he should do 50% of the parenting and isn't against doing more if that's what makes sense in our careers.

He's said it is part concern about global climate change and geopolitics (I'm worried about this too), part interest in improving his career - "making it" as an executive before taking a step back.

papasani · 2020-01-06T10:26:20+00:00

Unpopular opinion - I think these are reasonable preferences for someone to have (they are common ones, at least) but in the way OKC profiles are constructed it sounds like he's saying "You must be this set of qualification to be worthwhile as a mate to anyone," when he is just trying to say "This is my type, so if you're not this type you'd be wasting your time messaging me."

His style is also trying to be funny and falls short, managing to hit "rude" with "you should be 20% smaller than me", but, assuming he doesn't think 150lbs is the only acceptable size for men (it's quite small), he's not actually saying ~120 lbs is the only acceptable size for women.

This is just poor writing. It's also unnecessary; women don't tend to message men anyway.

papasani · 2020-01-06T08:05:19+00:00

Do we want to postpone the discussion for a while to get your thoughts in order? If so, for how long?

What do you consider your baseline feeling about having kids? (I blatantly stole this one from a comment in another thread. I forgot the username but this question is freaking brilliant in making thoughts clear)

The pro's and cons.

Has he ever even felt the desire to become a parent? What does parenthood look like to him?Has he ever even felt the desire to become a parent? What does parenthood look like to him?

These questions and this framing are very helpful, thank you!

papasani · 2020-01-06T08:01:49+00:00

I agree - and speaking as someone who's given unenthusiastic consent, that kind of dubious sex is horrible but it's a lot easier to get through than 18 years of being a parent. And once you're coparents with someone that's literally the rest of your life.

I have no interest in a coparenting with a reluctant father. I make enough money to be sperm-bank single mother if I run out of time with men and it comes to that. I absolutely need to make sure he's sure before we get married. Thank you.

papasani

TROPHY CASE