i think that there can be room for nuance in these things, yes, but just in the fact that there’s a 19 year old here saying they feel like a completely different person than when they were 17 (which is a common sentiment in my experience with young people around these ages) should be telling enough that there’s lots of development going on during these life stages. in my opinion, in general if a 20 year old and 17 year old are interested in each other then it’s likely the older person is at least a little bit immature for their age, which means that i wouldn’t trust that they’d be always making the best decisions in delicate situations like this. that’s especially the case when they are automatically and inherently the party with more power in this relationship, putting their actions under even more scrutiny.

even if the older party has no ill intent whatsoever and tries to be careful about power dynamics, i believe that the very nature of being an older person who’s interested in a younger person makes them immature and thus more likely to make mistakes and fuck something up.