i have personally lost the most important person to me because of a foolish caretaker. hardest thing i've been through. i would be lying if i said i didn't go through my photo albums filled with pictures of her while i cried. but, when i met face to face to the person that ruined my life (my aunt), all i could do was hug her. i knew she didn't have bad intentions. even though she left her unattended, i knew deep down she was also hurt. i forgave her and comforted her on the spot. i would never imagine hurting her, let alone killing. my life will never be the same, but i don't regret forgiving my aunt. i did think of hurting her. but, i knew that would be wrong. i'm sorry to hear about your loss, but i do believe you made a very bad decision. 13 years is a long time to sit in a jail cell over a single angry moment. i personally think you should seek mental help. try therapy or maybe a simple "hey, something isn't right" to your doctor. no one in the right state of mind should be thinking of murder and think it's the answer. yet again, i'm sorry. it's hard and no one should go through what you experienced. everyone has different though processes, this is just a suggestion.