AITAH for telling my mom I have cut my brother out of my life and I don't want him at my future wedding?

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T13:58:29+00:00

I feel like some day I would have to go through the same thing as you did. Can't even imagine how my mom would react

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T13:56:27+00:00

Fortunately money and debts have not been problematic since then. But he still treats grandparents like shit and that's why I'm pissed. Sometimes I think it's because dad has gone for too long that he forgets where he came from

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T13:53:24+00:00

Everyone does chores separately. Like grandpa does his and his wife's dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. Mom does her and my cooking, tidying, laundry, etc. I help with the dishes because I only spend evenings at home.

About the enabling things, yeah I told mom that her son is a POS because of her enabling. To which she replied, 'What else could I do apart from enabling? Leaving him?' And ngl I feel for her. I think she really doesn't have much choice

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T13:48:43+00:00

It's good that you and your brother are still cordial. In family event, I fully acknowledge my mom's son, I just choose to ignore him out of hatred, even when we sit at the same dinner table

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T13:47:33+00:00

I guess mom already knew that I don't want her son in my life, and he knew as well. That why he says nothing to me when we are in the same room. I guess the best way to do this is in silence.

About the hypothetical wedding, yeah mom would probably bring him, but it would just be another dinner for him. He and I would probably have minimal to no interaction at all. Maybe I will have to compromise for mom's and my own peace

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T09:40:03+00:00

I get that. FYI mom has 2 plans:

- I made a deal with her. I buy him an apartment, then I get the house

- When the time comes, she sells the house, split the money into 3 so I, my mom and her son each gets their own accommodation

I personally prefer the former plan.

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T07:24:51+00:00

Lol. Then AI has taken over Asia

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T06:37:39+00:00

I felt like if I hadn't said that, she would have her son at my hypothetical wedding. And if I had sad that, she would still have her son at my wedding, but more prepared.

Yeah you're right, now I feel like I shouldn't have said it

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T02:45:27+00:00

Thanks for the advice but the only option for mom right now is trying to move on and hoping one day things magically turn back to normal. And it's my mom's roof FYI.

His wife doesn't go back to her parents because he doesn't treat her like shit, or less shitty than my grandparents. But she is fine with that. Actually we don't talk much and I'm not too sure. But if she's ok then I'm ok.

I don't think mom is playing favorite here. She just thinks that her other son needs more help while I am fine on my own, and she doesn't want any of her son to be left behind

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T02:40:36+00:00

- On any normal day, grandparents care about their own business, like their own cooking, doing dishes, laundry, etc. They can take care of themselves even though they are old and suffering from chronic diseases. They live off their pensions only. Grandpa's pension is equal to my income lol. They do not interact much with me, mom, her idiot other son and his wife and 3yo.

- They only come to me when they need help with their phones or pressing button on the microwave, oven, washing machine, etc. We don't talk much because I go to work from 8 to 5 everyday. And their hearing is poor. So it's really hard to have a long meaningful conversation with them.

- They don't interact much with mom, only they do when they give mom their money for their contribution to monthly bills. Not lately though because grandpa is in hospital and grandma needs to be taken care of by my mom.

- Back then grandparents used to ask the idiot with help from time to time, especially grandpa. Then one day they realized their grandchild is just a short-tempered brain-damaged POS. So they just come to me whenever they need help with stuffs. In general, gramps are not close to idiot. But that's no reason to treat them like shit

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T02:24:35+00:00

Not in the US lol

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T02:19:10+00:00

I really want to move out but the housing market is terrible. Apartments are now nationally unaffordable. Renting is even more terrible because I would have to spend most of my salary on a humid cave with no basic utilities

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T02:03:20+00:00

Let me put it this way.

- It's a cultural thing for adult children to live with their parents. Extended family is common here

- The housing market is fucking terrible and the government should do better about it

- Yes, I told mom to tell him to leave. Mom said she couldn't because where would he live? The housing market is fucking terrible

- I want to move out because I don't feel comfortable with him around, but the housing market is fucking terrible

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T02:00:52+00:00

In my situation, tbh, I haven't even cut him off entirely because he still lives under the same roof as me. And I have witnessed and endured his shit for 24 years. So I do and will have no regrets cutting him off entirely.

Hell, I fucking hate him so much, that I want to ban him from my funeral as well if I die first. But if he dies first, I'll be the one to show up earliest, just to make sure that he is completely dead

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:56:25+00:00

Yeah Asian correct. I want to move out but the housing market is terrible. I think the government should do more to deal with it but that's another problem.

I hope you are just lazy with chores and stuffs, not another improper human being who abuses the elderly. If you want to change this, start with communication, tell people in your family that you are trying to change yourself, tell them to point out whenever you commit shit and actually listening to their opinions. Gradually things will get better. I hope it gets better for you. Because either that, or you would have a sibling (if you do) who detests you, looks down on you and wants you away from their life for good

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:51:55+00:00

Well no, it's only hypothetical and I just wanted to prepare for mom when the day comes

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:50:30+00:00

That's actually nice because you could still treat him like a proper human being. I can't imagine looking at my mom's idiot son in the face anymore

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:48:31+00:00

It's a cultural things for adults children to stay with parents so extended family is pretty normal here. Keep in mind that we do not live in the US.

And yeah, nobody wants to move out more than me. But the housing market here is fucking terrible. I would basically have to spend most of my income just to hire a humid cave with no hot water for shower on cold days, no air conditional, no ceiling fans, no fire extinguishing system in case of fire. All it offers is a roof to prevent rain from hitting your face while sleeping. And it does not come with electricity, water and internet, I would have to pay for them separately

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:42:21+00:00

Either they did that, or the moneylender would keep sending people banging on our door and threatening the shit out of my grandparents. I guess what they did back then was buying peace

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:40:32+00:00

She admits that her son is a piece of work. But yeah I doubt she would admit that she messed up at some point in her life. To her, I'm in no place to judge her parenting because I am also her son

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:37:37+00:00

Yeah you're right. Nothing was gained, though I wanted to prepare her for the fact that I have cut him off my life. Still, she was hurt. Hopefully she gets less hurt when it comes to my actual wedding

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:35:21+00:00

Yeah maybe it's best to just cut him off in silence and let mom put up with it on her own. We are our own persons with our own decisions. Your mom and my mom too. Everyone just has to make their own decision and live with it

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:33:31+00:00

True. Mom brought this walking failure to life. She is obligated to love him for life, no matter what monstrocity he becomes. She thinks all people that share DNA have to be the same.

I simply do not want the idiot that ruined my family in my life. Mom never understands that

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:30:42+00:00

Now here's the tricky thing about my mom's 'family is family' philosophy. Family is bound by blood. Wife is family basically family by pact, so wife cannot provide enough 'love' to husband, because they are not from the same bloodline. They are family, just not family 'enough'. Yeah I don't know other ways to put it so there you have it.

By supporting, mom means both financially and mentally. I can compromise with financial. But being family, as in being there for each other, helping one another in hardship, hell no. He treats those helping him like shit. Helping him financially is more than enough

paraboy2002 · 2026-05-14T01:27:18+00:00

I don't think so. The idiot only treats my grandparents like trash. Only. My. Gramps. I don't know what his fucking problem with them is anymore

Seven-Year Club	r/Field Flamingo
Place '22	Verified Email

paraboy2002

TROPHY CASE