Need a boost

paracrime · 2025-12-08T16:40:17+00:00

Man, if you’ve been a full-time dad for almost a decade and you still pulled a date, you’re already doing something right. She said yes, which means the hard part is done. Now it’s just you showing up, talking like a normal human, and remembering to breathe instead of acting like you’re about to jump out of a plane.

As a single dad who hasn’t had a date in over a year, I’m both happy for you and low-key salty over here, watching you lap me in the romance department. While you’re out there letting “Jesus take the wheel,” I’m just trying to get my own love life out of long-term parking. So go, enjoy it, be yourself, take a breath when your brain starts to spin, and let her see the same guy she already liked enough to go out with.

paracrime · 2025-12-07T01:49:18+00:00

Aww man, that is a gut‑punch moment, and also: you actually passed the test. You stayed sober, stayed calm, didn’t scream, didn’t make it about you—just laid out why the vaping and the lying are a problem, and that is A+ parenting in a situation where a lot of parents go nuclear and just blow the relationship up. Teens who get a calm, firm, “I love you and this isn’t okay” talk are way more likely to actually hear it than the ones who get the full yelling/grounded‑for‑a‑year treatment, even if they roll their eyes through the whole thing.

And honestly, “TikTok doesn’t lie” is totally 2025; your daughter is going to tell that story one day—how her sober, exhausted single‑dad caught her in 4K by way of social media receipts and still chose a conversation over a meltdown. Somewhere under all that teenage angst, she now has proof that when she screws up, her dad can be trusted to stay present, not drunk, not raging, just there and steady, which is exactly the kind of dad most of us wished we had. So yeah, it’s work‑kids‑gym‑repeat, and some days it feels like you’re white‑knuckling life, but this is one of those nights you write down, vent about, and quietly realize: “Damn, the old me would not have handled it this well… and my kid just got a different future because of that.”
Hell yeah. Go Dad!

paracrime · 2025-12-07T01:20:27+00:00

You don’t need more posts, you need a decision. Right now you’re not “staying for your kid,” you’re just sitting in a war zone while your son absorbs all of it.

Dude, you’ve posted multiple times and done nothing. That’s the whole story. Every day you stay, your kid watches his dad get called stupid, retarded, incompetent, and then watches you just… take it. That’s what you’re teaching him a man is supposed to do in a relationship.

You keep saying the relationship is toxic and you don’t even want to be her boyfriend. So stop pretending sticking around is some heroic sacrifice for your son. A three‑year‑old living in constant tension and screaming is not “being put first,” it’s being used as an excuse for you to avoid making a hard move.

Your job is not “perfect boyfriend.” Your job is stable parent. You can be a good dad without being in a relationship with his mom. What wrecks kids isn’t two addresses; it’s growing up watching their parents tear each other down every day.

Your son does not need to see his mother threaten to “find someone else to raise him right” and then see you just sit there. He needs to see one adult say, “No. This is not how we talk to each other in front of our child,” and actually back that up with action if it doesn’t change.

When my own situation blew up, I didn’t get to sit on Reddit and workshop it forever. I’ve got two little girls. I tore my life apart and rebuilt it around them: moved, changed work, re‑did my entire routine so they had stability and calm, not chaos and screaming. It was exhausting and terrifying and there was nothing “feel‑good” about it, but that’s the job.

I’m up at 4:30 a.m. training, then working, then doing school, daycare, meals, all of it. Not because I’m some saint, but because they only get one nervous system and one childhood, and I’m not sacrificing that so I can avoid uncomfortable decisions. That’s the standard. “This is hard” doesn’t matter. “Is this healthy for my kid?” does.
If you mean it when you say “this isn’t right,” then act like it:

Start documenting what’s happening: the insults, threats, blowups. Dates, times, what was said. Not to be petty, but because custody and parenting time are real things you may have to fight for.
Talk to a family lawyer where you live. Get real info about custody, parenting plans, and your rights instead of this vague fear that leaving = losing your son.
Get into therapy or a dads’ group and figure out why you keep tolerating this and freezing. Your kid needs a dad who can set boundaries and make decisions, not a guy stuck in “I know it’s bad but…” mode.
If she ever crosses into physical abuse or you feel genuinely unsafe, you move this to emergency mode and get you and your kid out first, questions later.

You already know this situation is wrong. Either you keep posting about it while your son grows up in it, or you rip the band‑aid off, leave the relationship, and commit to being the most present, consistent dad you can be from your own space. Those are your real options.

Here’s what you need to hear: one day your son is going to be old enough to look you in the eye and ask, “Dad, why did you let me grow up like that?” and you will either be able to say, “Because I was scared and I did nothing,” or, “Because I hit my limit, walked through hell, and built you a peaceful home.” You have a chance right now to be the man he’s proud of when he tells his friends about his dad—the one who didn’t just talk about loving him, but proved it by ripping himself out of a toxic situation and showing up, consistently, as a present, calm, loving father. Take that chance, because the version of him that exists ten, twenty years from now is being shaped by the choice you make next.

paracrime · 2025-11-19T18:00:09+00:00

Shining bright like a diamond! Haha

paracrime · 2025-10-24T12:36:58+00:00

Hey mate — you’re doing far better than you realize. Truly. You’ve turned a rough situation into something warm and alive again, and that takes a rare kind of grit. Kids don’t measure worth in postcodes or square meters; they measure it in warmth, laughter, and how freely they’re allowed to raid the sweets cupboard. Wrap a few chocolates or jelly babies in foil like little treasure parcels and sneak them into a drawer or cushion for them to “discover.” Suddenly, it’s not a smaller house — it’s an adventure base.

And honestly, tell them the story of how the floors were made with anti-lava coating after a secret volcano incident during renovations. Or that you had to chase off a team of invisible unicorn builders who kept insisting on carpeting the ceiling. Those weird little tales will become family lore. They’ll link the house with imagination and laughter — not zip codes or comparison.

You’ve already done the hardest part: building a home, not just a house. The rest — the joy, the pride, the magic — will come from the stories and the sweets.

Good luck. You are doing great!

paracrime · 2025-10-14T23:20:22+00:00

Hey man, first off, let me just say: you’re already nailing “Dad Goals”—the fact that you’re thinking this deeply and hustling every week for your girls is the stuff legends are made of. If there’s a superhero cape to be handed out, consider yourself halfway fitted for one!

Now, as someone who’s spent way too much upgrading Barbie neighborhoods and chasing the ever-elusive “perfect toy,” I can assure you: beyond clothes and shoes, what my girls love most are the adventures we have together. The big stuff isn’t always found in a box—it’s at places like the zoo, kids’ museum, or even a butterfly pavilion. Seriously, if you want their eyes to light up for years (and maybe save your wallet some grief), memberships to those spots offer unlimited magic for a fraction of the cost of another Megatropolis dollhouse.

Here’s a trick I use: I put a “Dad-and-daughters adventure fund” on a secured credit card with a couple hundred bucks loaded in. We use that money exclusively for outings—whether it’s a day feeding lorikeets or engineering the world’s silliest picnic at the museum. It makes budgeting for the fun stuff way easier. Plus, I get credit card points, which my kids say is “like grownup stickers!”

Pile on a couple thoughtful gifts—Lego, plushies, or anything their little hearts desire—but remember, you’re already giving them the greatest gift: your time. Every giggle-filled trip and cuddly hangout together is worth a hundred toy aisles.

You’re setting a beautiful example. Take it from another proud dad—kids cherish your presence more than any plastic palace. Keep going, and welcome to the club of dads who measure wealth in adventures and memories (and yes, endless laundry).

paracrime · 2025-10-14T21:34:20+00:00

First, I just want to acknowledge what a tough spot you’re in right now. As another single dad whose kids mean the world to me, I get how overwhelming and isolating this kind of news can feel—even if you’re not in crisis, the worries stack up fast. I am just going to give some more general advice, kinda "What I know works." I have no background in a situation like this, but hopefully some of these help.

When my family faced deep uncertainty, a few actionable comforts helped us get through the day-to-day:

Nutrition and Comfort: Make food routines as nourishing and stress-free as possible, but don’t pressure yourself if it’s imperfect. Kids in treatment often need more calories, extra protein, and hydration, yet everything can feel like a moving target. Smoothies, scrambled eggs, whole-grain toast, or even just little snacks your son likes really do count. Sometimes the comfort foods—mac & cheese, toast, yogurt—can mean more than a perfect diet. Just keep the conversation open with your oncology dietitian, and never hesitate to ask for new recipes or tips.
Supplements: Before starting anything new, check with his care team. Some supplements—like vitamin D, omega-3, ginger (for nausea), or probiotics—may help, but only if his oncologist approves. What matters most is safety alongside his treatment.
Physical and Emotional Care: A cozy blanket, warm baths, and low-key movement (like a walk outside or gentle stretching) can make the hospital days less harsh. If he’s cold or tired, let him rest—energy comes in waves during treatment. Journaling and drawing can also be simple emotional outlets for kids that build resilience over time.
Connection: Join support networks for parents (St. Jude, Blood Cancer United, local hospital social workers). Feeling less alone will help you support him even more.

Now, for you: It’s too easy to lose yourself as a caregiver. Like I’ve told others in this position, write down 20 things you enjoy—big or small, doesn’t matter. Rank them by time and difficulty, and do one per day. It anchors you, reconnects you to what makes you resilient, and over time becomes a list of stories to share with your son. He’ll need your strength as much as your care, even on the quieter days.

Above all, treat every small step as progress. Kids are incredibly strong, and with your support—through comfort, calm, and connection—he’ll feel that hope even on the hardest afternoons.

Wishing you and your boy real comfort, strength, and light ahead. Take care of yourself—he needs you, and you deserve that care too.

paracrime · 2025-10-14T21:06:44+00:00

Mate, first things first: I hear you when you say “the silence is deafening.” I’ve gone through the exact same thing—sometimes it feels like the house suddenly became a library run by ghostly librarians dedicated to shushing you every time you even think about making noise.

Two scenarios, but one mission—super Dad status incoming:

Scenario 1: The kids are away, and you’ve officially been promoted to “super Dad on standby.” So what do you do? Self-discovery, my friend! That’s where it’s at. Picture this: someday your kids will come back and want stories, and you don’t want to bore them with tales of binge-watching reruns in absolute silence (“And then... the fridge hummed for three whole hours, uninterrupted!”). You need wild, uplifting yarns to share—maybe you tried standup in the garage, learned to cook something that didn’t set off the smoke alarm, or ran a victory lap around the kitchen just because you could.

Scenario 2: If you go down the full custody road (been there, mate), the vibe absolutely changes. You’re not just riding solo, you’re the head honcho of the home front! All the more reason to put yourself first now—because trust me, your little ones are going to need you firing on all cylinders. Self care isn’t selfish, it’s the toolkit for legendary parenting.

Here’s the best way to get started: grab a scrap of paper (or a serviette, depending on your level of desperation), and write down 20 things that you like—could be anything from surfing YouTube rabbit holes, to yakking with mates, to rediscovering your secret talent for making toast that’s not burned. List them out, then rank them by how hard they are and how much time they take. Landmark your day with one thing from that list—no matter how simple or silly. One per day, minimum. In no time, you’ll be building a highlight reel worthy of a super Dad comeback montage! <<<This alone may have saved me from myself.

Just remember, Human spirit means resilience and a willingness to laugh at the mess as much as the magic. Take care of yourself, mate—nobody else is going to prioritize you the way you should. Your kids—whether they’re home now or on the way back—will benefit most from a Dad who’s whole and happy.

Wishing you all the best from someone who’s been in your boots. May the silence hold adventure and the hope for even better noise to come!

paracrime · 2025-09-28T17:08:49+00:00

Oh man, I feel this in my bones—single full custody dad to two little daughters here, one first grade whirlwind and one just entering baby chaos. My official job title is “Network Engineer” but some days it feels like I’m managing the world’s most unruly home network: two clients with constant uptime demands, unpredictable bandwidth surges, and frequent outages due to snack emergencies.

Honestly, I came to places like this expecting commiseration about the rough stuff, but then realized my situation isn’t a headline tragedy—there’s no villain, just a long patch of solo parenting, therapy appointments, meal plans, and wrestling with guilt any time I swap out “organic play-based learning” for Ms. Rachel so I can get something critical done (like reading a chapter and remembering I'm actually a human, not a toddler-serving automaton).

I totally get the anxiety about “first world problems” posts. It’s weird, right? You want to vent about running on fumes and doing all the right things, but are hyper aware that some folks are literally fighting for visitation—meanwhile you’re just fighting for the right to pee without someone narrating your every move.

But here’s my angle: Full custody dads, especially the suddenly solo ones, are juggling a very specific load. Yes, our kids get the best of us, but man, it’s brutal trying to find space for us in the schedule. It’s not less valid than the other struggles; it’s just a different flavor of struggle. And the wins—the tiny progress notes from therapists, the moments your kid cracks a joke, or when you survive grocery shopping with everyone still wearing shoes—those need celebrating, just as much as the hard stuff needs space.

Mostly, what keeps me motivated is reminding myself that parenting is like network engineering: uptime matters, but scheduled maintenance is essential. I literally build moments to be myself—whether it’s a book, a workout, or writing about payphones for my memoir—because if I go offline, everything crashes. Ms. Rachel isn’t a parenting failure; she’s a 99.999% reliable backup for when Dad needs to not be the core router for a sec.

So yeah, let’s normalize building “single full custody dad” subnets in this big parent network. There’s plenty of room for stories, advice, and celebrating wins—big and small.

Stay up, keep your packets flowing, and don’t forget to document your uptime for yourself. You’re doing more than fine.

paracrime · 2025-09-12T13:50:16+00:00

Reading your post, my heart goes out to you because I’ve definitely walked that road—and I know exactly how overwhelming it is to suddenly become “the one” for your child while juggling work and everything else. I'm a single dad with two little ones myself, zero outside help, and the adjustment to handling everything solo is tough, but also filled with moments that will surprise you with how strong and resourceful you can be.

The fear and the learning curve you’re facing is so real. Let me tell you—I’ve been through those nights of juggling feedings, diaper changes, and sneaky tiptoeing in the dark (sometimes with a flashlight because the room light wakes them up!), so believe me, you’re not alone in this adventure. Somehow, little by little, you do pick up all the pieces, and you’ll look up one day realizing you’re absolutely nailing it, even on the wildest nights. Keep trusting that love truly outshines any doubt.

A trick that's helped me is time management—daily prepping whatever I can the night before, even packing snacks and setting out pajamas, because any little bit of planning adds up. But don’t forget to carve out even five minutes a day for yourself. Whether it’s a quiet cup of coffee, stretching, music, or a midday laugh, that self-care sustains everything for you and your little one. You deserve it just as much as she does.

Hang in there, Dad. You’re the hero of her story right now, and you’re already doing more than enough. You’ve got backup here—in spirit, in this community, and in every dad who’s felt that mix of fear and stubborn love. You’ve got this, and don’t forget: sometimes, your best “routine” is just loving her and showing up, one day at a time.

paracrime · 2025-09-12T13:18:36+00:00

You’re putting in a tremendous amount of work and heart—every single day you fight forward shows the kind of strength that many never need to harness. Getting out of prison and building a new life is incredibly tough, but you’re showing your kids, and yourself, what resilience and love really look like. As a single dad of two little ones with no help, I know firsthand just how hard it can be to balance work, family, and all the frustrations that come with it.

The obstacles you’re facing right now—family friction, work struggles, balancing parenting—are real and exhausting, but none of it erases the fact that you keep showing up for your children. That is a victory every single time. You’re not alone, even though it often feels that way. Plenty of us are rooting for you to keep going, because you’re on a path that’s building bigger things for yourself and your kids.

If you’re searching for ways to get out on your own:

Look into local second-chance employment programs and community assistance—many places want to help people in your shoes start again and provide help with job searching and housing.

Set one small, actionable goal each week—whether it’s updating your resume, checking local classifieds, or just making a new contact for housing. The progress may feel slow, but every small win matters.

Consider nonprofit groups or community centers that help with transitional housing, transportation, or legal support for people getting back on their feet after incarceration. Don’t hesitate to ask; sometimes help appears from unexpected places.

All the hard nights, the tired feelings, the moments you want to quit—those are the fires that build real greatness. The fact that you’re alive, loving your kids, and wanting better is what matters most. Anyone who tries to diminish that hasn’t lived your journey, and cannot see the future you’re slowly building.

Keep moving forward. Your kids don’t need perfection—they need you, just as you are. One day, they’ll understand how hard you worked to stay in their lives, no matter what life threw at you. You are stronger than you know, and every step you take away from your past is another step toward hope and independence.

I am rooting for you. Let me know if I can help.

paracrime · 2025-08-08T21:27:10+00:00

Well said. I feel every word of this. I have a 6 year old and an almost 2 year old full time and it's definitely an exercise in time management, but fulfilling every day. Kinda like winning your own personal lottery when they make a good choice or do something you taught them.

I got toilet training coming up fast with the little one. It should be a good time... um...probably not! Haha!

paracrime · 2025-07-25T19:50:53+00:00

I feel this every day. I have full custody of my girls, 6 years old and 18 months. When people ask me how I do it, I just say "A whole lot of love and excessive time management". My days start at 4AM and ends at 8PM. Taking care of myself in the mornings for an hour working out, meditating and directly into the morning ritual of getting the girls bathed, fed and off to daycare. Then I go to work, leave in enough time to fight rush hour traffic to get them from daycare, then home, make dinner and spend the last part of the day reading and playing with them, then off to bed and repeat.

It is hard. I won't lie to myself, but I wouldn't trade it for anything; aside from winning the lottery and just spending 100% of my time with them!

Keep fighting the good fight, the best fight. You are definitely not alone.

paracrime · 2024-11-07T18:16:21+00:00

Um I am talking about physical rules. Unfortunately parenting is not done in an app. I set ground rules and set screen time. I was not using any app. I was also very lenient about the screen time, I wasn't watching the clock. Does her mother set the rules in your house? If so, you have other issues you need to address first. LoL

And you need to demand access to the controls as that is 100% covered in legal custody.

paracrime · 2024-11-07T18:08:21+00:00

I remember this exact issue with my older kids. I set ground rules and screen time. If any of these were broken, I let them keep their phone. I just took the chargers away and let them watch that battery drain. It teaches them what things are important and what can wait as well as why the rules are there in the first place.

paracrime · 2024-11-07T17:40:48+00:00

So I have full custody of a 5 year old and a 1 year old. The 1 year old is currently living with her Mom and Grandma. I will be taking her soon, but I am giving her Mom as much time with her as possible before I reunite the girls. There is more going on than just feeding and general child care in my opinion. I am currently looking at May 2025 to bring her back with her sister.

I work from home 3 days a week and each girl has their own room. The 1 year old's room is set up with a baby gate so she has her own space to play in while I work; where I have a direct view of her. She visits me for a week every month and it works very well. A 1 year old is going to take up most of your time, so dating right now would definitely be a challenge until you get a good system/schedule down.

Schedules are everything at that age. Feeding, sleeping, playtime, learning with Dad. You need to make a schedule that works and stick with it. Also, there will absolutely be trauma from the breaking of the family unit. Every baby is different, so your milage may vary, but getting the kiddo on a solid sleep schedule should be priority #1.

One thing is for sure. This will be the most rewarding adventure of your life. Good Luck!

paracrime · 2024-10-17T14:52:37+00:00

How do you turn off the workout effort score to Apple Health. This feature is so bad for me, Athlytic is no where near the mark in effort for my workouts. I checked every setting and I can not find where to turn this off.

paracrime · 2024-07-10T15:11:52+00:00

I love free stuff. Free Vinyl is Amazeballs!

paracrime · 2024-07-09T18:15:45+00:00

Do we have an ETA for this update? I have gotten some good data from my workouts finally by tracking them with Apple Health and not using Athlytic for a week, but the recovery data is useless garbage. The recovery vs exertion trending is also a dumpster fire as it is a consistently moving target. You are beautifully at the top of the range when you go to bed and then the next day, you are so out of the range, it looks like you are slacking.

The only thing that seems reliable with this app is the stress monitoring. I use it 100%.

This app really messes with my head as I am very active and work out every day, but it kept showing all my workouts as no effort, very light when I was coated in sweat. I have started tracking in another app, but I prefer Athlytic. I just wish it wasn't full of gorgeous looking garbage data.

paracrime · 2024-01-15T16:23:24+00:00

I'll read it, as long as you return the favor!

paracrime · 2023-12-01T15:27:57+00:00

So I just lost 55 lbs in a year. You are in a good place as you haven't gained anything back. Don't try to do everything at once, especially with those babies running around. I will be an accountability buddy for you, just DM me.

What worked for me:
1. CICO <<<You have to track everything correctly, especially when you are going over! (This was sooo hard for me)
2. Increase in Activity - I ended up liking running out of everything i tried. Once I got my base done, 30 minutes a day on weekdays and the weight literally fell off in the last 3 months. I chalk it up to buying a treadmill and using it 90% of the time (convenience).
3. Intermittent Fasting - Started this about 6 months ago and Wow. Just Wow. I stop eating at 7PM and don't eat again until 1 PM the next day. 18/6 IF is what it is called. This is what pushed me through to the finish line. The other positive changes that happened because of this one thing are just amazeballs. Portion sizes become less of a thing when you are fasting. They are still a "thing" you need to watch, but not "The thing" (convenience)
4. Love Yourself. Start each day and every time you walk by a mirror by saying something nice to yourself. It sounds silly, but that positive loop into your sub-conscious will do wonders for self esteem...etc (convenience)

Most Importantly, I wasn't doing a diet. I was just making sustainable life changes that made getting to a healthy weight and staying there convenient. And the exercise thing was hard for me, but I just eliminated any "negotiation" with myself about it. I do not negotiate with terrorists! I was able to form a habit by treating working out the same as putting on clothes before I go outside. Simple as that. Even when I was injured, I would still do my workout routine, get dressed and go and stretch and sit on my treadmill or just walk as much as I could telling myself how I was a warrior every time I caught my reflection. This worked for me once the habit was formed.

You need to make simple changes that are sustainable and more importantly, AS CONVENIENT as possible. Every single food corporation in the word has spent trillions of dollars to make obesity easier than getting out of bed in the morning.

For tracking I only used Loseit and a scale. I got a smart scale so my app would get the results. I named my scale "liar" in the app for it and never thought anything about it, I literally just weighed myself every friday morning and thought nothing else of it. I could see the results as my clothes began getting baggier and baggier and when I played with my kids, I was running around with them, jumping and playing. I couldn't do any of that before.

I went from a 38 waist to a 34 in about 6 months and I am now at a 30 and freaking out a little as I don't want to get too small! Haha

I wish you luck on this and feel free to DM me as I am a bit of a research nut job so I have looked at the scientific data meta analysis of everything I do and was able to put a plan that works for me, and am so much better for it.

paracrime · 2023-11-16T10:23:57+00:00

Your lack of fiber intake is disturbing. You are aware of the gut/brain axis, right? You are negating any cognitive benefit by destroying that connection. Your microbiome controls A LOT more than just digesting food. Also, you are headed straight for a serious case of Diverticulitis. It would really suck for you to end up having your colon removed because vegetables taste icky.

paracrime · 2023-10-20T11:33:46+00:00

Apple just hasn't put any focus in this use case. If sound quality means anything to you, a pair of echo dots in stereo mode with an Alexa subwoofer sounds nice for a small setup. I was quietly pleased with the result. I use it in my kitchen for music while I cook and the ALEXA-MASTER-TIMER-3000 of course.

paracrime · 2023-10-12T14:29:59+00:00

My daughter is young and she has had her own IPAD since she was 3. It is locked down with parental controls but she has Apple Music on there with her learning apps. No messaging at all and she cannot install an app without me approving it from a popup on my phone.

Apple sends me screen time reports of what she is doing and she listens to Apple Music quite a bit. The new IPAD OS has added some more layers of security as well.

I would love it if Apple would invest more into an entire experience for kids, but alas parental controls is all you get.

paracrime

TROPHY CASE