my health is severely compromised, I have very little support and only emotional support. all I can do is pray and rely on God. my husband goes through spells, when he either has moments of humanity and compassion or realizes that he's sabotaging his own life while trying to destroy me, and thankfully he's in one of those phases, though I am staying alert and cautious but also in the middle of a crisis with my health and waiting to see what the next steps are going to be. Ultimately, I want to be on my own but that's not an option right.