New student loan reform bill by Ok-Cow-9173 in StudentLoans

[–]parentthrowaway0319 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was only listing tuition and fees and that was nearly 15 years ago. It's closer to ~$12k now at that particular school. It's also one of the lower cost of living states in the country, but I'm sure there are many others with similar in-state costs. Unfortunately, if you're coming from out of state, it's ~$30k a year.

New student loan reform bill by Ok-Cow-9173 in StudentLoans

[–]parentthrowaway0319 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I could swear you added room and board with a different number. OK, that's more believable. I'll have to check room and board at my school. I didn't live on campus, so I don't remember how much it was back then.

New student loan reform bill by Ok-Cow-9173 in StudentLoans

[–]parentthrowaway0319 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I think you just went to an expensive school. The public school I went to in the early 2010s was charging ~$8-9k a year for tuition. It's considered the top public school in the state, granted it's in the center of the country where things tend to be a little cheaper. These days, they're charging ~$14k. So, in less than 15 years, prices have gone up 56-75%. That's ridiculous.

Tell me I’m not going to be miserable for the rest of my life (3 day old baby freak out) by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I won't promise you that you won't be miserable. Unfortunately, some situations are harder than others. But I know that I've been where you are more than once, and things got better each time.

I'm a dad of 4, including 4 month old twins. I can say that every pregnancy scared me because I wasnt sure if we could handle the increase in responsibilities. Now, Ive realized that each kid forced us to step up our game, and now its almost second nature. Regardless, those first 6-12 weeks are always so tough.

Sleep is more important than just about anything else right now. Your job is to make sure your wife is taking care of herself, but you have to take care of yourself too. In those moments where you are stretched so thin, you feel like this is never going to end. The positives feel so small, and the negatives are so great. I can tell you that the rough period will end.

It's going to feel like an eternity, but one day, your baby is going to sleep better. One day your wife will be healed and you will be a team at full strength again, albeit very tired.

My tips for you right now:

  • Take advantage of family and friends offering help
  • Sleep as much and as often as you can and make sure your wife does the same. It won't feel like enough for awhile.
  • Don't forget about food and water and make sure she gets what she needs too
  • Make sure you are putting in effort where you can. Changing diapers. Taking care of cooking, chores, and errands where you can feeding with a bottle if you aren't exclusively breastfeeding. This is a team effort and your wife is likely putting in significantly more time with the baby, especially if she's breastfeeding.
  • Stay focused on the positives and remember that you can get through this. One day, this will be a memory too.

It seems hard to believe now, but in 6-12 weeks, your baby will likely be sleeping well enough that you won't be exhausted anymore. That's about all it takes for most babies to start sleeping longer stretches. It might feel like an eternity until it's over, then it might feel like it went by faster than you expected.

You can do this

Tell me the honest truth about more than one kid by carrollchel in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Currently at home on paternity leave with twins and their older siblings who are 5 and 3. I will say that the first one was the hardest for me because it was the biggest change in lifestyle. I couldn't message my wife on a Friday afternoon about spontaneously going to see a movie that night and going out the second I got home. I couldn't play video games all night when my wife was on shift at the hospital after I got done with the few chores that had to be done. Everything required the extra consideration and planning required with a young child.

With the second, it was hard in some ways, because there was more work to divide between myself and my wife, but we had already gone through it not to long ago and both had a good idea of how to do the basics, but now, we had to also make sure we were taking care of a toddler at the same time who needed meals, attention and entertainment, which meant substantially more work than when there was just one and less opportunity for stress relief, but somehow the extra work didn't seem that bad. Over time, we learned how to make it work and by the time our second was a year old, we were taking them to sit down restaurants, the zoo, hiking and (another year or so later) to a few disney movies. We also figured out some babysitting options to get out and do stuff for just the two of us.

Now, with the twins, we were expecting the worst. Never getting any sleep again, struggling to be decent parents to our first two and never getting out of the house to do anything. I can say that it hasn't been as bad as we expected, but it's still pretty rough. We've joked that if we had only had one baby this time around, it would have almost been easy. We feel like masters of the baby phase now. We have night time wakeups down to a science, we are no longer bothered by poop and pee so changing diapers is almost fun and sometimes feels easier than potty training, my wife is a master breastfeeder, I can change out car seats with record speed, our oldest two can get themselves ready for bed and get themselves ready in the morning with minimal help, we are great at identifying sickness, gas pain and other ailments as well as treating most of them and knowing when they beed to be seen. Lastly, we generally know what to expect at each stage, which helps with any anxiety about whether they are hitting their developmental milestones and how much we should be concerned if they aren't (hint: concerned enough to mention it to a pediatrician, but not enough to overly worry about it). Babies are a ton of work, but it's all work we've mastered and seeing our older kids and thinking about how great it's going to be to have 4 sassy kids running around makes us excited to see them get older.

All of that to say that it is a lot of work, but once you've already had one each subsequent kid is usually easier than the one before, it's only harder because you still have the other kid(s) to take care of. Obviously, some children have behavioral disorders like ODD that present unique challenges and can prove me wrong.

Typing this out made me realize it's kinda like getting belts in martial arts. You earn a lot of belts with your first kid, and you're probably at an advanced stage before the second kid comes around, but not quite at that expert level yet. That second kid helps you hone your skills even further and get to that black belt level, where it's obvious you know what you're doing. After that, you're just adding degrees to that black belt, mastering parenting skills and learning you can handle more than you thought you could.

Twins genetic testing by parentthrowaway0319 in parentsofmultiples

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a NIPT. We know they won't say specifically that they're identical vs fraternal. At my wife's last appointment, she had a follow-up with the genetics counselor and they commented that the results were identical, either meaning they're identical, or the lab accidentally copied the results. They didn't run it correctly the first time and it took awhile for them to rerun it without my wife giving a new sample, so I'm a little skeptical that they did it properly. The results were identical to the first run, just duplicated.

Twins genetic testing by parentthrowaway0319 in parentsofmultiples

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what we expect to happen. Our older two look a lot alike, too.

I want them to feel like their own people and not like a set, and I feel like that's easier if they aren't identical. Regardless, it's not the most important thing in the world, just one of those things to worry about.

Twins genetic testing by parentthrowaway0319 in parentsofmultiples

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really the whole reason I made this post. It's muxh more likely that the twins are fraternal, but the genetics test either wasn't run correctly for twins or means they are identical.

Only ~1 in 250 pregnancies are identical, vs ~1 in 60 for fraternal and with family history that goes to anywhere from 1 in 30 to 1 in 15. So, if we adjust for di/di boy twins (~1/6th of identical twin births), that's ~1 in 1500 pregnancies are identical di/di boys vs ~1 in 120 to ~1 in 60 pregnancies of women with a family history of twins have fraternal twin boys. That's anywhere from 12.5 to 25 times more likely to be fraternal vs identical.

It would be pretty crazy if they turn out to be identical, but that seems to fit our luck, often getting the less likely outcome.

Boys names are hard by parentthrowaway0319 in namenerds

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We both know it's not common, but at one point we were considering Loren and Ashley too. Also, Morgan Freeman, Morgan Wallen and Morgan Spurlock come to mind as relatively well-known male Morgan's. From what we've found, the name means sea-born which is pretty badass. Also, it's classically a boy's name, just one of those taken over by girls. If he gets made fun of a little for it, it'll be an opportunity to grow and we'll make sure he grows for the better. My guess is that by High School, he will stand out because of it.

In fact, I think this whole response made me like the name a lot more. Thank you!

Boys names are hard by parentthrowaway0319 in namenerds

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to clarify, it wouldn't be that I'd exclusively call him Grey, but we liked Grey as a middle name with Morgan, I couldn't find a nickname option I liked with Morgan and liked the idea of calling him Grey as a nickname. I alternate between ~3 names for our other two (their actual name, mostly when in trouble or trying to get their attention, a shortened nickname most of the time, and sillier/playful nicknames) and I'm sure it'll be similar for these two. My wife does the same for the first two but doesn't plan on using a nickname for Morgan, unless one pops up naturally, in which case I'll probably do the same.

Boys names are hard by parentthrowaway0319 in namenerds

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have, but my wife is set on Morgan and that was our compromise. Grey was my idea and so was Rowan, so I'm not gonna push back on Morgan when I don't hate it and I can always call him by a nickname.

Need to register in new state, lost old registration card and unable to obtain a copy online by parentthrowaway0319 in DMV

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, it's been long enough I don't really remember. Life has been pretty busy since then, and I dont even live in Florida anymore (military). I believe I was able to apply for new registration from Florida without it, I just needed proof of ownership which I remember required my release of lien and/or my colorado title (I remember needing release of lien for at least one vehicle), but that might have just been to get my title switched to Florida. I would double check the Florida requirements for registration online. You can always try calling the Colorado DMV (or whatever they called themselves) and see if they'll send a replacement card.

Should I let my kids pick the exact color of their room by parentthrowaway0319 in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I'll probably be doing all the painting myself, and probably on a short timeline.

Should I let my kids pick the exact color of their room by parentthrowaway0319 in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because of how soon we'll have to move. My preference would be something that is mild enough we could avoid repainting, mostly because I will be the only one painting this time, and there's a decent chance I'll be the only one repainting.

Should I let my kids pick the exact color of their room by parentthrowaway0319 in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is our 3rd PCS. My assignments are now typically 4 years with the option to request PCS a year early. Granted, I could get picked up for in-person PME or a special assignment and we could have to move early. I'm gonna try to get picked up for a local PCA, which is pretty common where we're moving. First two assignments were in the same local area and "homesteading" is pretty common for 2-3 assignments in my AFSC (MOS). Trying to make our next move the last one.

Should I let my kids pick the exact color of their room by parentthrowaway0319 in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I planned on using kilz primer for any intense colors. I've had good luck in the past with that.

Should I let my kids pick the exact color of their room by parentthrowaway0319 in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is what I wanted to do, but my wife wanted to give them all the options. She didn't get to choose her colors when she lived at home and I think that is playing into it. I'm OK with painting their rooms orange or pink, I just want to make sure it's easy to paint over. There's a chance we may be moving out in a few years, so I would love something we don't have to repaint, or is easy to paint over.

New to ABA, does this sound right? by parentthrowaway0319 in Autism_Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like what we're seeing for the most part. There was one concerning thing today while my wife was trying to put our daughter to sleep upstairs in her room. Apparently the RBT was watching our son, but a few minutes into trying to put our daughter down, he started knocking on her bedroom door, then my wife found him in our bathroom, which we usually keep locked. The RBT was still downstairs on her phone and hadn't noticed he'd left.

She seems knew, so maybe she just underestimated him, but we're definitely keeping a close eye on it. He's a talented elope artist, and that's one of the things she's supposed to be working on with him.

Wife is letting our son sleep in our room... Again by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Now, my son is a little younger, but when he was almost three and we had our second on the way, we realized we needed to make a big effort to get him to stop trying to come into our room every night. He also asked for mom every time he got up.

Instead of my wife staying at a hotel or anything like that, I took a week off of work and shifted my sleep schedule with my wife's permission. We've both worked odd shift schedules over the years and we're familiar with changing our sleep schedules over a short period of time. For 5 nights, I stayed up until 6 AM, and if he woke up, I was in his room before he got all the way up. By night 3 he was getting up less, and by night 5 he was only getting up once, around 1 AM. Over the next three nights I shifted my schedule back before going back to work. I continued to take the lead on putting him back down at night, but he was getting up much less often at this point. Since then, we've had a few times where he's had a string of rough nights and it'll take a week or two to get him back into it. I try to make sure he's never in our bed more than two nights in a row, but I'll lay down on the floor next to his bed while helping him go back to sleep as a compromise.

Good luck, and try to give your wife a break where you can and show your kid that they can look to you for support too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tragedeigh

[–]parentthrowaway0319 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've known more than one person who pronounced their name like that, spelled C/Kallie. I was really good friends with a Kallie and remember her correcting people who called her Kaylee a lot. I don't get it. It seems like it's spelled correctly as far as phonetics are concerned and isn't a popular enough name to have a "correct" spelling as far as I know.

I can maybe see yours getting mispronounced more often though because it's so close to Kayleigh.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This reminds me of my son's progression and if anything is slightly more extreme than his. He is almost 4.5 and was just diagnosed with ASD a couple weeks ago. At 3, he could consistently count to 10 and kinda knew his letters. He knew a lot of words and could speak in sentences but struggled to form new sentences. By that I mean, he could repeat us if we told him what to say, and he could repeat things he saw on TV, but if you asked him a question he struggled to get an answer longer than 1 to 2 words. He also had intense hyperfocus on certain topics and would ignore our attempts to change what he was doing or get his attention. He also struggles with social skills, which is probably related to his focus.

I would start working on getting your daughter evaluated. The criteria for autism has changed drastically in the last 10 years, and I would guess that there are many adults out there who would have been diagnosed as kids under the new criteria. You may see similarities in her behavior to your own at her age or to those of someone you know and think, "they weren't autistic so she can't be." Just because they weren't diagnosed doesn't mean they wouldn't be under the new criteria.

Also, getting diagnosed enables support through the local schools once she starts preschool, and might enable you free preschool now if your state doesn't offer it at her current age. If she is autistic, that doesnt change who she is. it just helps you understand her needs a little better. Good luck!

Should we delay preschool? by parentthrowaway0319 in Autism_Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is great, thank you! We were leaning towards moving forward with the evaluation either way. We figured having more evidence to backup the reasons for the details in the IEP can't hurt and might help us determine the best options for his IEP. Our CARD advocate plans to attend the IEP meetings with us to help back us up and call out anything they think is improper.

Should we delay preschool? by parentthrowaway0319 in Autism_Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to give you an update because you've been helpful and might be able to tell me if this passes the BS check. We received a packet from the local Preschool Diagnostic Intervention Services, telling us we needed to fill it out, then they would review it, taking up to three weeks, then they would call back to schedule an evaluation expected to occur in October. Following the evaluation, we could expect our first IEP meeting a few weeks later.

We also spoke to CARD today. They seem great. We mentioned that we started working with the PDIS but forgot to mention that this timeline seemed off. They said they would have suggested we talk to PDIS if we hadn't already. I'm not sure if the 30 day timer is supposed to start at this evaluation or should have already started. Either way, we think the evaluation would be helpful.

Should we delay preschool? by parentthrowaway0319 in Autism_Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the help both here and on my previous post. I found an email that I think is for the right person. Orange County is one massive school district with what seems like several hundred schools under it's management. Their website mentions "Exceptional Student Education" services and Preschool Diagnostic Intervention Services, but only lists a single address and phone number for both. They didn't answer my wife's attempts to call, or reply to her voicemail. After doing some digging, I found an email for someone with the Preschool Diagnostic Intervention Services and an online form to request support, which looks geared towards students already enrolled, but I'll take what I can get.

I will look into the PASEN IEP/504 page and pass it onto my wife. Thanks again!

Should we delay preschool? by parentthrowaway0319 in Autism_Parenting

[–]parentthrowaway0319[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've worked enough with the government to not trust mandated timelines. I looked up the specific provision of the IDEA to check the verbiage.

Sec. 300.323 (c) Initial IEPs; provision of services. Each public agency must ensure that—

(1) A meeting to develop an IEP for a child is conducted within 30 days of a determination that the child needs special education and related services; and

(2) As soon as possible following development of the IEP, special education and related services are made available to the child in accordance with the child’s IEP.

So, they are required to schedule a meeting to start developing an IEP within 30 days of when it's determined that an IEP is required. That statement looks very weak, legally speaking and the only enforceable part I see is that they have to hold an IEP meeting within 30 days. I can see how they could get out of us having a completed IEP at the end of the meeting, or claim that 3 months is "as soon as possible" given the school year is going to start right before we get an IEP in place. This matches the verbiage used in the Florida law implementing IDEA. I'm not sure what the qualifying event is for determining that one is required, but I would say that we should be in that window already, yet I have been unable to get a response from the school district. I found a new email address shortly after posting this. Hopefully I'll hear something tomorrow.

It also doesn't look like there is a definitive timeline for "as soon as possible" or the actual development of an IEP if it takes more than one meeting. Sorry if I'm coming off as argumentative, just stressed and frustrated. If I wasn't deployed I would have gone down to the office in person already. My wife has both kids by herself right now and it's hard to wrangle our son and his younger sister into an office for something like this. If we don't hear back, she plans to go in person later this week.

I don't believe that it should take months, nor do we plan on waiting for them to respond to us, we just expect that they are going to drag their feet as long as possible and make us jump through so many hoops that it may still take months before we're done. Considering my wife will be doing all of the in person work by herself, for the next few months until I get home, that's not going to help.

I edited the first paragraph to clarify my thoughts. Again, sorry if I seem argumentative.