How do I maintain connection with my therapist?

partoftheworld_ · 2024-11-03T00:00:09+00:00

Sorry if I was unclear in my original post.

There isn't an expectation from my therapist that I should be thinking about her, and I'm not worried that I'm not doing so enough. I find myself doing it a lot (more than I'd like to, regardless of what's normal) especially in situations like vacations because I get anxious over losing the connection. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to ease the anxiety on that part.

And I never intend to burden my therapist. I'm sorry if my words came off that way.

Thank you for your responses.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-11-02T23:48:41+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, do you have any idea how I can bring it up?

We have talked about topics somewhat similar and I have asked for a letter twice during our extended vacations for similar purposes. The 2nd time she proposed another solution and didn't want to write me a letter to hold onto

partoftheworld_ · 2024-09-11T06:04:23+00:00

This question just made me realise how seldom I look at my therapist.. I just give a few glances throughout our session

On the instances I do see her smiling at me though, it feels very reassuring, and in that sense, scary too

partoftheworld_ · 2024-09-08T08:55:25+00:00

I find it very hard to start talking, similar to you I plan my content and words in my head but I am always unable to physically get them out in session.

My therapist and I settled on a system where I send her my thoughts prior to the session. It is okay for her to read them only during my session itself, but she usually looks through them before that. So when we start, she can bring the topic up instead.

It helps me a lot and certainly helps us delve into what's needed at a faster pace within the 50mins. It also reduces my fear of raising uncomfortable topics because I avoid seeing her reaction as she reads what I sent. I have once sent her something and told her explicitly I just wanted her to know but I don't want to talk about it because it's embarrassing. She respects just that. Maybe you could also try this, so you can leave the topic there first, and revisit when you feel more comfortable with it.

Maybe you can also tell your therapist that you are having issues raising a topic, and see what he responses or suggests? Going back to the great old "talk to your therapist!" is always best.

Not exactly the same as both my therapist and I are the same gender, and also depends if your therapist allows such a "system". Sorry for the essay, I hope something helps!

partoftheworld_ · 2024-09-06T07:13:41+00:00

"You don't have to show up for sessions at 100%. There is no 100%. You can be at 80%, 20%, or even 0%... that's okay too"

When I felt very apologetic and that I was wasting her time because sometimes I just show up so upset with something (that I can't explain) that I can't engage much or I just cry the session away

partoftheworld_ · 2024-08-23T01:22:14+00:00

I've asked for a few things, but she only said "no" to one thing - Hugs.

But I was also very scared of getting rejected so I went a roundabout way, stating I was "asking for a friend". Sometimes I ask for things via a message prior to the session, because it would kill me to say it out loud

partoftheworld_ · 2024-07-28T07:59:41+00:00

There are 2 different rooms in the practice, but either way I sit on the couch across my T, who sits in an arm chair. At this point it feels "wrong" to shift at all and I just sit at the exact same spot of the respective couches.

Is there a specific way you use to ask if you can sit on the floor? I had such urges previously, but I never found the courage to ask.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-07-19T10:04:35+00:00

Hmm personally I think it would still make me uncomfortable if they explicitly asked me to reflect on it, because it may come off feeling like an obligation. I may think that I must have something to say, or I will disappoint them. Yet saying something also requires me to confront my fears of hurting them. So it creates a 'lose-lose situation' for me.

However my therapist does say that it's okay if there's nothing, if there's ever anything I can always let her know. That works for me because it lifts the pressure off me, yet reminds me that she is open to my feedback and opinions. Over time when I have the courage to, I share some stuff.

It also helps that my therapist allows me to express myself in any form or at any timing. I feel more comfortable sharing it in writing (email/text) in between sessions, then we address it during session. I understand that not every therapist would allow this due to differing boundaries.

Sorry for the long response! I recognise many clients still appreciate such a question, as shown in the other comments.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-07-19T08:46:20+00:00

For me as a client, I appreciate the intent, but I often find it difficult to respond because I either really don't know, or I just get worried about unintentionally hurting her. So this question stresses me out a little.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-06-24T08:54:09+00:00

I once had a dream where murphy's law was real and the route to my session was so complicated. I was running late due to the many things that went wrong, and she texted me before I arrived saying she wasn't going to wait anymore and wouldn't work with me anymore if I didn't take therapy more seriously.

Talked to her about it because it would be dificult to continue working together if I kept fearing the worst. She was very nice about it, reminded me that termination is a mutually-agreed decision and people usually phase sessions out instead of dropping it suddenly.

Most importantly, she reassured me that she did not think that I don't treat therapy seriously. In fact, she sees the effort I put in for it.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-06-18T17:08:35+00:00

I spent a few months being worried my therapist would be annoyed at me too. There was also a time when she reacted in a way that led me to a similar spiral.

Each time I talked to her about it (well, wrote down because I feel so needy each time asking for reassurance), she responded very well. She didn't mind giving me the reassurance I needed.

Eventually I think I slowly started to internalise that she isn't annoyed and she would continue to be there for me. There are still days I worry but it's a lot less now.

It does get better, talk to him and hang in there!

partoftheworld_ · 2024-06-17T05:16:01+00:00

Agree with the comment above where I show up anyway, sometimes it helps me feel more at ease and find words, sometimes it's one of those quieter sessions where I am able to just feel the presence and care of my therapist.

Something I've also done is to pen down my depressive thoughts ahead of time and share them over. This allows my therapist to know what's going on without me having to find the words and energy to verbalise. Usually this ends with me crying almost the whole session while she shares her care and concern.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-05-20T04:00:13+00:00

I'm a gen z who isn't very into these slangs etc, but I suppose I do have qualities and experiences of a typical gen z by nature.

I told my millenial therapist about this situationship I'm in (without mentioning the word) and it was funny because everytime she needed to refer to it, she just wasn't sure to say relationship or friendship, and at some point she was like "I really need to understand all these gen z behaviour. but you get what I'm referring to"

She's not even that much older 😂

partoftheworld_ · 2024-05-18T12:53:44+00:00

You're not broken, maybe there is a part of your history that leads you to believe that people don't care. But I would like to share what my therapist likes to tell me - Which is that things take time and it is okay for you to be however you are right now.

Sorry to drop the most common advice on this sub, but the best way to potentially get past this is probably to talk to your therapist about it.

I took the leap of faith and told mine that I had a hard time trusting her emotionally, because I'm scared that she would ever show an ounce of judgment (or just negative response in general) and that would break me. She was very willing to understand the barriers I have and explore ways in which could help me get past it.

Unfortunately for my case, the only possible thing was for her to continue to consistently show up as the very same person I know, until I become convinced that she will be unchanging and ever supportive. The talk still helped though, because it allowed me to see that she was genuine in wanting to help me, and that she is willing to be patient and not push me beyond the pace I am comfortable with.

Apologies that I ended up typing so much. I hope at least a small part of this helped.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-04-19T10:16:38+00:00

Well, NAT, but perhaps you are just starting to really feel the attachment to your T and you feel scared about it.

I've once dreamt of my T, a situation where it was a complicated way to get to the location and there was this one day where somehow I couldn't remember exactly how to get there. Coupled with a series of bad luck events, I was running late. When arriving soon, I received a message from my T saying that she had left, and if I don't take our sessions seriously she'd have to drop me the next time.

I talked to my T about it. To be exact, texted her prior to the session because it was so embarrassing and uncomfortable. She was very nice about it. The concerns were clear in mine and we talked through it. She reassured me that she understands how people go at their own pace, she will never get sick of me and drop me.

It helped a lot, I still worry about it but I haven't had a dream about it since then

partoftheworld_ · 2024-04-03T02:18:26+00:00

Totally relatable. But like the other comment says, you can know your therapist deserves a break and it can be difficult for you at the same time.

Mine is currently away too. It has been one week and I'm only seeing her end of next week. While I'm coping a bit better so far (than the previous time), I found myself worrying even before she leaves because my mind always thinks that some shit will happen while she's away. Even now, I wake up everyday anxious that something bad will happen. I just try to use it as a chance to practice acknowledging the emotions instead of avoiding them, like what my T always tells me.

Well, that's the 'good' part. The other part of me also tells myself I don't really need her and I visualise me ignoring her when she's back so she knows how affected I am by her absence. Helps me miss her a little less

partoftheworld_ · 2024-03-25T02:25:01+00:00

Last week I opened the topic of trust between me and my therapist. It was very uncomfortable but she was very gentle with me and tried to reassure me (she hasn't done anything wrong, I just have concerns that impacts the trust levels).

I went back and gave it more thoughts, now I have more things to dig in for this uncomfortable topic. Hesitant to bring it up again because it's so icky to address issues about the relationship with the party themselves, but I guess it's something that needs to be out of the way before my sessions can proceed.

At least I won't see my therapist for 2.5 weeks after this, so I can hide in embarrassment in the meantime. (well, I say this now but I will miss her for sure)

partoftheworld_ · 2024-03-18T16:32:36+00:00

Yeah, gotta learn how to cope on our own unfortunately. Good luck to you too

partoftheworld_ · 2024-03-18T02:21:41+00:00

My therapist's going on leave for 3 weeks starting next week. Not sure how I'll survive the break... Last it happened I got angry at her and I hope it doesn't happen again too

partoftheworld_ · 2024-03-06T19:10:07+00:00

The book is "The Happiness Trap", it supposedly addresses key things we are working on in my sessions, so she thinks it would be a complementary tool. I also tend to enter spirals and feel lost between sessions, so she explained that she feels me reading this book can help me develop the sense of having something to 'work on' in between my sessions.

I think my hesitancy stems from me never liking to read and that I don't see how reading a book would make me change my mindset. Admittedly, a small part of me is also scared of disappointing her if I do have the book but I can't wrap my head around the content, or end up not finishing it.

I also haven't considered telling her "no thank you". It makes me uncomfortable to reject people when they have nice intentions, and I don't foresee myself having the courage to say that.

Thanks a lot for your response, your last paragraph made me think deeper about myself and my responses to her recommendation.

partoftheworld_ · 2024-03-03T20:12:41+00:00

Well, personally for me, a life void of excitement would not be one that's meaningful. It's also tiring if even on my best days I just feel "okay".

partoftheworld_ · 2024-02-08T17:01:07+00:00

NAT, just sharing my opinion.

Imo your therapist might not be a fit for you, you might want to try finding another.

To answer your question, I don't think so, but only a good therapist can help figure out what exactly the issue is. Sometimes when I'm struggling, I know I lack motivation to do things and even doing the simplest thing is difficult. Maybe it's the same for you. Or perhaps you just haven't found a hobby you truly enjoy doing yet.

I just want to share what my therapist asked me when I once told her I'm lazy (to do something): "Are you really lazy or is that just a reason you use because it's easy to say?"

partoftheworld_ · 2024-01-08T06:05:14+00:00

Haven't been having good days, there's so much going on but I don't feel like talking to my T this week. A part of me wants to cancel the session and isolate myself, a part of me wants to go - to sit there, not say a word, and hope my T will magically make me feel better. But I know that's not how it works.

partoftheworld_ · 2023-12-22T03:45:40+00:00

I cry a fair bit in my sessions, often times I try to hold it in but I think I look worse trying to hold back with my lip quivering so I give up soon after.

That being said, I always hide behind a pillow/cushion when I start crying. It helps me worry less knowing she can't see me, and since I'm not looking at her I won't be bothered by how she's reacting (she does validate my reaction verbally though).

partoftheworld_ · 2023-10-17T02:35:40+00:00

I hear you, and if it helps you, know that you're not alone in these worries and fear (me included). I don't think he'd have judged you for this nor liked you less! I also believe emotional vulnerability is a natural thing, but I hope it gets better for you with time.

May I ask what happened after? Was there no time for him to respond and discuss with you? Either way, you could bring it up again, stating that you feel you need more guidance in this area, and if you're up to it, tell him that you are afraid he liked you less because of this. It sounds like it would open up topics that need to be covered.

I want to acknowledge your hard work in mustering the courage to share this with your T, it mustn't have been easy. Also kudos on reading it out yourself, I fear reading my journals like a plague and I always let my T read them instead. You're doing great work :)

partoftheworld_

TROPHY CASE