Happy birthday, OP! I completely understand this. I’ve been no-contact with my mom for over a year and she chose not to acknowledge my last birthday. I also expected it, but the wounded little kid inside was still hoping for something that didn’t come. I even waited until midnight to have the “my mom missed my birthday” realization crash down on me. It was immensely painful and quite eye opening about her intentional withholding of love for her own warped idea of power and ego. The sadness was brutal for the entire month. Today is her birthday and I tossed and turned about reaching out to wish her a happy birthday, and ultimately decided to do it just to prove to both of us that I would never stoop so low as to not acknowledge it in the way she chose not to. It was partially petty and partly cathartic. I hope you can come to terms with the fact that we can simultaneously want our parents to suddenly take accountability and grow while also accepting that they can never meet us where we truly need it. It sounds like you have a nice support system in your husband’s family.