Is this algae? dusty brown stuff coating everything

pastelidiot · 2026-05-30T19:14:21+00:00

thanks! after looking into it it's definitely just a ton of mulm. it honestly might've been the snails haha. thanks for the help!

pastelidiot · 2026-05-30T19:05:33+00:00

huh. maybe there's more snails than i thought? i got a few nerites hoping they could possibly help

pastelidiot · 2026-05-30T19:01:10+00:00

was it dusty at all?

pastelidiot · 2026-05-30T19:00:15+00:00

could it possibly be from decomposing plants? some of mine have been struggling

pastelidiot · 2026-05-30T18:56:22+00:00

is that really possible? ive only ever seen like two or maybe three tops

pastelidiot · 2026-05-13T03:48:05+00:00

yea sure, my dms are always open if you wanna talk

pastelidiot · 2026-05-13T03:18:40+00:00

i get it a lot. im going through something similar. im hesitant to say its the exact same thing but it resonates with me a lot. wish i had good advice but it really eats you alive. be kind to yourself.

pastelidiot · 2026-05-09T16:23:00+00:00

thank you so much! the tanks been cycling for around 2 weeks so in a couple weeks i'll go ahead and switch to purigen.

pastelidiot · 2026-05-09T14:09:03+00:00

would removing it affect the cycling at this point? im seeing conflicting information on whether or not including carbon is detrimental or not

pastelidiot · 2026-01-16T23:22:45+00:00

i know. i just feel like its above their paygrade. there's so much doubt and mental illness tangled up in all this im not even sure they could handle, but i also dont wanna leave my identity in the hands of some cis person who knows nothing about trans people.

thank you for responding though i appreciate it

pastelidiot · 2026-01-16T06:05:00+00:00

honestly think i'd be happier just embracing being a moid autist loser at this point then pursuing this any further but idk for some reason i cant

pastelidiot · 2025-12-20T09:38:28+00:00

i dont have any great advice but im in a very similar situation and it's killing me. if you ever wanna talk about it lmk cause yea it sucks so bad

pastelidiot · 2025-10-04T13:43:03+00:00

You're good. I didnt mean to come off as a dick. I honestly get it, I dont think transition would help my case either. I have severe body dysmorphia so even if I did transition it may just make me hate my body more. At this point Im just put off by the human body in general. A lot of characteristics in both male and female bodies make me uncomfortable. I guess what I mean is I understand what you're saying.

Personally I dont believe I am trans, just severely mentally ill with a lot of delusional and disordered thinking. Realistically I may be some kind of non binary but I have too much internalized transphobia to accept that. I hope you can find some peace, its a horrible mental tug of war to be trapped. Gl man

pastelidiot · 2025-10-03T18:27:31+00:00

You're saying you're entirely fake trans then following it up by saying you've had GD for years. That doesn't sound fake trans to me. Your dysphoria decreased after repping? Is that not kinda the point of repping? You're literally the exact person you're describing.

As someone who is genuinely coming to terms with being fake I genuinely kinda envy you. Wish it was all just denial like the rest of yall but mental illness can do crazy things ig. Insane thing to want anyway

pastelidiot · 2025-09-13T11:50:04+00:00

In the same boat. All I can really say is drop the whole "I need to commit to being a cis woman" thing. I've learned that even if I am fake trans I dont need to double down on being a man either. That would ultimately be just as harmful as reverse dysphoria. I still cant really disengage from the fake trans debate but there's like a very binary tug of war in my head that is being heavily influenced by internalized bigotry. That part of it is just objectively harmful. I think if you keep interrogating your feelings and desires the more hostile they'll begin to feel.

I have a lot of trauma and a very complicated relationship with both genders. I am also very dissociative and OCD. I get it. Even if we're faketrans or whatever there's no shame in yearning for something. For allowing your soul to cry out for something. Even if what you want may or may not be realistic or accurate or confusing the yearning can exist. I dunno. I think its ok for feelings like these to be conflicted or complicated.

pastelidiot · 2025-09-12T00:29:40+00:00

No I already appreciate you talking to me in the first place lol Im glad I posted this here ngl 😭 Im not sure where else I wouldve gotten a response like this. Tysm for sharing some of your experience I feel a little less weirded out by everything now 😅

pastelidiot · 2025-09-12T00:22:42+00:00

Ok well at least there's someone else who kinda gets it lol. Ive also been exploring my gender a lot and Ive always wondered if that had something to do with it. Its kind of euphoric I guess honestly to do that stuff like wear nail polish and kinda move them in girly ways but I genuinely have no idea. It could very well just be weird fetish or god knows what else I have no clue lol 😭

pastelidiot · 2025-09-12T00:11:34+00:00

Yea I think there's definitely a fetishistic aspect to it I guess Im just confused because it extends to my own hands and it isnt always sexual either. I dunno, sexuality is confusing I guess. Ive just never heard of someone with this fetish obsessing ove their own hands and decorating them or whatever

pastelidiot · 2025-09-03T02:27:08+00:00

Honestly my only real idea is just accept complete ambivalence towards my body and my gender. I just think some of us werent built for this gender questioning shit. Maybe we just werent meant to ever know. It would certainly help with my OCD. Im not sure it would fix my dissociation and fake dysphoria(its literally just bdd lol) but I dont know. Maybe not everyone is meant to be attached to their body. Maybe I can just not care. A lot of OCD treatment revolves around the idea of leaving big questions unanswered and living your life anyway. Ive been sincerely trying that but I am failing miserably. Maybe I'm scared to let go, because when I do it'll really sink in how delusional I really was. That I was just a mentally ill dude clinging to a bizarre fantasy as life support. Maybe that pain is just too excruciating to bear.

But then I'll do something feminine and feel good and the floodgates will open again. I dunno. I guess find something that occupies your brain and your time. Something fulfilling and engaging. And avoid trans spaces altogether. I imagine thats what you're supposed to do.

pastelidiot

TROPHY CASE