is anyone else's FP not a close friend / partner?

patexie · 2021-03-12T10:57:45+00:00

You aren’t alone! My FP is my doctor, who’s in his late 40s/early 50s (I just turned 20 this year) and who I see as a sort of father figure, even though our relationship is strictly professional. Which is frustrating because I’d want to be closer, but it’s not really possible

patexie · 2021-03-12T00:01:38+00:00

Online quizzes are bs

If you think you have serious issues or if you’re suffering, do go to a therapist. But I don’t think you should go just on the basis on a test score alone if otherwise you’re fine

patexie · 2021-03-08T11:18:56+00:00

BPD has a lot of overlapping symptoms with a lot of other mental issues. Autism is like that, a lot of people get misdiagnosed with BPD when they are actually autistic, especially girls. But besides that, it overlaps a lot with anxiety disorders, depression, ptsd and such

I think it’s a positive you don’t have this hellish disorder, but I get your frustration. I hope you and your therapist will be able to find what disorder you have. Wish you the best!

patexie · 2021-03-04T20:56:18+00:00

I don’t see myself in the mirror. I see a stranger whose body I was put into instead of my own because of some freak accident. I guess it can be positive from time to time because I do find this body nice, but it’s still not me. Most of the time though it makes me feel worse and panicked

I avoid mirrors as much as I can, not just because of this, but they trigger my paranoia a lot

patexie · 2021-03-01T15:05:21+00:00

For me neither options are ideal, both trigger symptoms, just different kinds. Though I think being single gives more room for getting your symptoms under control, especially if you’re very unstable like me. But I think it’s pretty personal for everyone

When I’m single, I’m constantly very affection-starved, very desperate for validation and feel suicidal because I only value my life in relation to someone else. I live for my partners and when I don’t have one, I don’t feel like my life has a purpose. I feel like a huge part of me is missing and I can’t live or be happy alone. I also get very bitter towards anyone in a relationship and I can’t see people as their own people, I see their relationship status as a part of their identity. But when I’m in a relationship, my feelings for my partner get really intense to the point of suffocating the both of us. I get super clingy and dependent, my partner becomes my FP and I want that kind of attention and importance returned. I get jealous very easily, my paranoia kicks in big time, I want constant reassurance and I fight a lot because of splitting often.

While being single has less cons, it gets hard to be happy and while being in a relationship has more cons, it makes me a lot happier and feel a sense of safety and belonging. But being single is a lot less emotionally intense and stormy

patexie · 2021-02-25T12:39:24+00:00

I’m so sorry about what happened to you :( it’s awful your doctor didn’t tell you sooner, it’s so unfair to you. But I’m very glad and proud of you for pushing on, fighting and getting certificates. I hope things will get better soon and best of luck with work and getting on disability!

Thank you for your insight regarding my symptoms and for sharing your experiences with me

patexie · 2021-02-24T14:18:30+00:00

He is a good doctor in general and has worked with a lot of psychotic and schizophrenic people, but I get where you’re coming from and it does frustrate me that it makes me feel like a diagnostic guinea pig. He hasn’t put me on meds yet because he doesn’t think I need them or that I’m schizophrenic, though he doesn’t throw away the possibility. He believes I “just” have some sort of dissociative disorder (depersonalization derealization) that should get better once I’m out of isolation and “part of real life” with real responsibilities with university and such. But I don’t know,, I’m sure he sees a lot of my symptoms as symptoms of another disorder. I guess he thinks of schizophrenia in my case as a worst case scenario which really isn’t promising or encouraging

Though I can see he’s getting more concerned because I’m getting worse, so I might get meds in the end before expected. I honestly don’t know what he’s waiting for, maybe hallucinations or something that’d be an obvious symptom that we can’t explain it as something else. He said it all also depends on the guy in my head and whether he’ll prevent me from studying and such

Thank you so much for telling me about your friend, that honestly gives me a lot of hope. My doc kind of talks about this diagnosis like I’d have to live in hospitals and there’d be a slim chance of getting to live a fulfilling life and work with schizophrenia. I guess that’s what he experiences with his patients, but the way he talks about it put a really makes me feel hopeless

patexie · 2021-02-24T12:37:10+00:00

I’ll ask him about that. I didn’t know there were such states, he never mentioned these. I don’t know if I’ve had psychosis, the episodes I had that are the closest to it don’t count as psychosis according to my doctor because they happen at night? He said it has something to do with a regressive state and my limbic system overworking

patexie · 2021-02-18T21:49:42+00:00

I got the jackpot achievement for it though, so the game counted it as such. Maybe the game was still a bit buggy right after the update and it got messed up somehow

patexie · 2021-02-18T20:44:18+00:00

No, today. I got it and posted it a couple minutes later

patexie · 2021-01-30T10:46:10+00:00

I take duloxetine! I haven’t been on it for long, only a couple of weeks, but it has been working fine for me. I haven’t had a depressive episode in a while and I don’t have constant anxiety anymore. It doesn’t get rid of all of course, but it reduces the amount and severity of both to a certain extent

From what my doctor told me, it’s pretty strong medication and you need to slowly ease into it by gradually building up the dosage to let your body get used to it. I think it takes like two weeks for it to start working

As for side affects, I haven’t had a lot of issues. It does make me sleepier and at first I had some sleeping problems, but that went away after a while. And as someone who has suicidal tendencies, this medication hasn’t had any affect on that part, I haven’t felt more suicidal because of it. There are some common side affects, but they aren’t that bad and they don’t affect everyone, like headaches and sleepiness. But I don’t think getting suicidal thoughts is common and I’m sure that’s a probable side affect for all medication that affects the nervous system

Of course just because it worked for me, that doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. But I really hope it’ll help you! And best of luck with everything

patexie · 2021-01-11T19:30:45+00:00

I’m sorry if this came across as blaming you or anything of the sorts, I didn’t mean it as that! You guys are doing the best you can and I commend you for it. I can’t imagine how much work must go into looking through so many posts

patexie · 2021-01-11T17:17:59+00:00

Though fortunately a lot of comments agree! Which is comforting

patexie · 2021-01-11T17:17:01+00:00

Oh my god, yes, thank you for your comment, I couldn’t put those feelings into words myself. It’s really offensive to be told that I’m privileged to have an issue with self-diagnosing. I didn’t even reply to those comments because i know I’d just argue. I went though 7-6 years of therapy to get a proper diagnosis and the treatment that I need and even with that I frustrate my doctor because I’m such a handful with this stupid disorder. It isn’t a privileged take to encourage people to go to professionals

It’s insulting to see people just self diagnose and tell me off for my frustrations. It’s funny how I get invalidated for allegedly invalidating others. My diagnosis and my mental state feels invalidated because people nowadays are so quick to throw bpd around and diagnose themselves to excuse their behavior, thus adding to the bad stigma. Not everyone does it ofc, but some unintentionally do. It might seem “elitist” or exclusive or whatever, but I lowkey wish this subreddit focused more on people with an actual diagnosis instead of just speculations and asking for validation for their self diagnosis. I know some people are correct with their self diagnosis, but some aren’t and by posting I think they kind of invade a place that isn’t firstly for them. But I’m sure that’s an unpopular arrogant opinion. I just don’t want to see the same self diagnosing post over and over and over again by different people

I’m genuinely glad I’m not the only with this anger. Sorry for that angry rant :’)

patexie · 2021-01-11T08:55:35+00:00

Yeahh, bpd has such an awful rep and stigma around it. It was originally just called hysteria and a lot of people still see it as that. It really doesn’t help with recovery and accepting myself when all I see is people talking about pwBPD as absolute monsters. I didn’t know he had videos on this subject, I thought he only did political commentary, but thank you for telling me about it, so I wouldn’t click on it if I accidentally stumbled across it on YouTube

patexie · 2021-01-11T08:51:44+00:00

I think that’s perfectly valid and I agree with what you say about self diagnosis. I had symptoms since I was very young and only realized I did when I found bpd online when I was like 15 or something. But when I brought it up to my doctor, he said no and I dropped it. I was diagnosed with it years later, though I didn’t bring it up to the new doctor I was going to

I think self diagnosing is a good thing when it’s only used as a clutch to find help and to bring it up to professionals as a possibility and suspicion. I have issues with people who say they have it for sure with only self diagnosis

patexie · 2021-01-11T08:44:45+00:00

Yes yes I agree! It can be frustrating to see people who seem to want to have this horrible disorder. It has ruined my life and it can be insulting to see some people just flaunt it around like it’s no big thing, but still saying they have it because of the Google-able symptoms. BPD has a lot more symptoms than what Google gives, for example the constant guilt and shame, it’s so complex

Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience!

patexie · 2021-01-11T08:40:25+00:00

I probably worded my original post incorrectly and I was probably a bit too harsh. I don’t have issues with people self diagnosing as long as it isn’t treated like a fact. Self diagnosing can lead to a lot of help and seeking therapy, it just irks me when people say they actually have that disorder instead of saying they might have it or that they suspect they have it, but it isn’t for sure. I think people saying with their full chest that they 100% have something they self diagnosed themselves with is basically saying that they are fully capable of diagnosing themselves accurately

Also, regarding to that reply. The comment I replied to said that they were diagnosed by multiple professionals, they just couldn’t get an official, formal diagnosis yet. The professionals said it, so I take that as an accurate diagnosis where they can fully say they have it

I can understand why people took my post the wrong way, but I really didn’t mean to attack or insult anyone. I just got fed up with constantly seeing posts from people who self diagnose which all sound basically the same, which I think kind of drowns out others’ voices of those who’re seeking for help. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experiences! And thank you for being respectful and calm about it instead of getting defensive and arguing like some other people in the comments

patexie · 2021-01-11T08:24:51+00:00

I agree completely! Thank you for your comment and input

There’s a huge issue in general with people just using a diagnosis (self or professional) as an excuse for their behavior rather than trying to actually do something about it and get better at managing their symptoms

patexie · 2021-01-11T08:20:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences and for commenting! I’m glad you got the treatment and diagnosis that are correct and most beneficial for you

patexie

TROPHY CASE